AIBU to buy stuff for my kids more often than just at birthdays or Xmas?

[mynameisjeff20]

Went shopping with MIL today and picked up a toy I knew my LO would love. MIL asked which child it was for (We have 4) and then she acted shocked when I told her, as that DD’s birthday was at the start of Jan and why did she need anything else? We then got into a conversation where she was very judgy that I don’t just buy the children toys/craft materials etc for special occasions and that I don’t only buy clothes/shoes for them when they actually need new clothes/shoes but sometimes just pick up things because I’ve seen something I like. AIBU to think this is perfectly normal and also none of her business?

Do you only buy clothes for your children when they are going up into a new size / need weather appropriate clothes? Do you only buy toys and replace craft materials for them on special occasions? I definitely don’t go crazy but if I see something they would love and I think their behaviour has been good enough to warrant a treat I have no issue picking it up for them. I thought this was normal!

Normal for everyone I know.

Maybe less so in previous generations or when money was tighter.

Buying stuff as and when is fine, as long as it doesn't become an expectation and they whine for new things every time they or you go out.

I buy stuff as we go. Kids often seem to sprout over summer do everyone needs new shoes and coats then. Bikes are best sorted in Spring so you get the whole year. Outdoor stuff if organised buy in the sales then bring out the next year. Conversely I don’t go all out for birthdays and Christmas I do give presents just not a massive pile.

I do think children can get overwhelmed by a big pile and let’s be honest what kid wants wrapped socks for their birthday? I think a couple of well thought out gifts are much nicer than a pile of mediocre stuff.

Likely just a generational difference, I wouldn’t give it any more thought.

I think kids are members of the family with the same rights (shock horror). I don’t see why getting myself a treat should be fine, but getting something for DC not. What I also find weird is when people go out and grab a coffee when they fancy one but don’t ask kids if they’d like something or even bark at them when they ask.
if you’re saving, the whole family should be, not just DC.

Absolutely normal. I buy things for my DD all the time. Makes me happy and she appreciates it.
She’s 33 😂

When my son was young - a long time ago now I never bought him sweets or snacks when we went out. But I would very often buy him a wee match box toy car - they cost less than £1 at that time.

And we had a wonderful Barnadoes charity ship near us. They always had so many great, and often unusual toys and books in great condition, and similarly clothes, that my son got treated on a very regular basis.

Honestly I thought that wanting to buy toys and clothes for your children was such a natural thing.

And if you can afford to do it it's such a pleasurable thing to be able to do.

Another one here who buys things regularly as I see them or they are needed. We don't go big on Christmas and birthdays, present wise. Who wants to wait months!

Toys are generally for birthdays/Christmas, but craft stuff, specific activity toys or useful stuff like bikes we get as and when we need it.

Clothes is generally only when they need stuff, but I'm not really into browsing clothes.

Whatever works for you is fine though.

It's none of her business. But to answer your questions, yes I do tend to buy clothes only if they are going into the next size, need something seasonal or a new outfit for a special occasion. I buy craft materials whenever they run out. We don't tend to buy toys outside of Christmas and birthdays, mainly because at the moment they have a really good range of toys which they play with a lot and have longevity (Lego, cars, dollhouse, little figures) so they really don't need anything. We regularly buy books as we have a great local charity bookshop. It's not that we don't treat them though, would just rather spend money on days out instead of toys.

I buy as I go. DDs birthday is a week after Christmas so there's no way she can go a year without clothes. When younger she generally got big ticket items at the beginning of the summer holidays, eg, trampoline, bike etc as she'd get more use out of it rather than getting it for xmas and it being stuck in the shed for 6 months.

I think it partly depends on how much you buy for birthdays/Christmas. We never bought that much as winter birthdays, instead I bought things when seasonally appropriate

That would be a bit miserable for children with birthdays near Christmas, they'd go a year without anything new. She's being daft, don't give it another thought.

The only thing not normal about this is your MIL voicing such a strong and judgemental opinion. It's nothing to do with her and I would have put her in her place.

Hmmm. When my DC were young I was skint so it was clothes only when they needed them and barely any extras such as toys other than birthdays. Whenever we went on a trip I would get them a souvenir pencil or something from the gift shop. They also got clothes for Xmas and birthdays.

I have a friend with 3 DC who always get 'something' whenever they're out. A magazine in Sainsburys, a soft toy at the zoo, always something new whenever they're away from home. The kids demand this now which is awful - there are tantrums every time they leave the house, and they have so much shit and crap that just gets discarded as soon as they get in.

I try to buy in sales and secondhand so I don't really impulse buy. I do actively look for stuff if I think the kids have an interest in, e.g. themed colouring book, puzzles etc

I definitely don't buy shit from the supermarket as a reward for behaviour but if I'm planning a trip into a city, I will have a shop/item in mind, such as new wellies, that I'll let the kids pick from a selection that I'm happy with.

I think it also depends on children's ages. I probably bought more when mine were younger and we frequented the charity shops a lot. I don't think I was constantly buying new things regularly though and it was usually something educational in my naiveity of trying to trying to get them to learn things from a young age 🙄😂
Now they are older and not really into toys as such they have to save their pocket money their grandparents give them or birthday/Christmas money if they want something like a game for their games console. I will still buy some craft sets and things like that near school holiday times.
I will also buy clothes as and when. Currently they aren't into labels/brands but when that happens I think those items will have to start becoming gifts or something they save for.

main presents xmas and birthdays
top up comics/craft stuff throughout the year
Books from charity shop, prob once a month have a browse.

we DID stuff rather than HAD stuff, so went out a lot

Clothes as needed or when wanted something nice for a special occasion. Never thought anything of it really.

Aunts and Grandparents occasionally bought stuff too, spoiled them now and again and they should

My kids didn't go without.

It helps me to have shutdown comments ready rather than even discussing something with someone that is not their business when I didn’t ask for them to insert themselves. Something like, “It’s fine, thanks.” “I’ve got it handled, thanks” etc. would work for me. If she continues to try to stick her nose on, keep repeating the one short sentence or just stop answering at all.

If she still keeps at it, then you might want to tell her flat out that it’s not her decision and to stop trying to supervise you. Good luck with it.

I still buy my kids stuff and they’re grown.

My rule is that I never buy something when asked (and certainly never if there's whinging). But I sometimes plan to buy something as a reward for something specific, or for a particular occasion. I have relaxed this a bit now mine is older, but he definitely learned when little that there was no point in asking.

I have a few new things tucked away in the cupboard for sick days/boredom/rewards too.

Clothes, only when they need them - but mine are boys and boys' clothes aren't generally very exciting. Plus mine are young and don't care what they wear!

Toys - I do let them choose something smallish from the gift shop if we've been somewhere at half term and I will get a couple of new things for the main school holidays. MIL does comment that she thinks they have a lot of toys, but they really do play with most of them.

I think toys and clothes are generally cheaper than they used to be, so kids these days probably do have more stuff.

I think a huge pile of presents for birthdays and Christmas is overwhelming. My DDs birthday is 1st match and so if there was something she wanted or needed in Feb I might save it for her birthday. Otherwise, I think it's fine to get things throughout the year. I buy books all the time. Of I see something she would like I tend to pick it up for her. I don't think you need to have a reason. It's fine as long as it's not expected. I probably wouldn't get DD something if she asked in the shop. But is she asked for say art supplies at home I would most likely pick something up. Clothes I tend to buy when she reaches the next size, seasonal or for a special occasion. Very occasionally just because.

Totally normal when your children are young and living at home, a little less so when they are older. I don't live near my Mum so buying something on a whim would seem odd as she would have to post it. When I lived at home, if she had a day out that included shopping, while I was at school, if she saw something nice she would buy it for me. If I go to visit and we go shopping she will offer to pay for some of my purchases. Being so far away I think she would be wary of buying clothes for me as unsure of size and style, for birthdays if she asks me what I want I might send her a link of something and let her know the size i need.
When i was in Uni i would come home and find random things in my room i'd ask about it she said she had bought if for Christmas/birthday and forgot give it to me. Always made me giggle. I think sometimes she just missed buying girly stuff as she rarely shopped for herself and when i was away she only had Dad and my brother to buy for.

Yep, same here. We are a mindful consumers and would much rather get things they need, when they need them rather than give them something they don't need to languish in the cupboard. IMO having too much stuff is overwhelming for them (and us!).

We also treat them with days out and experiences instead of toys.

I love shopping for mine and will buy as and when. They’re teens now and not spoilt or demanding in any way. One loves clothes and trainers and the other couldn’t care less about what he wears. I think their own personalities and values have more bearing on their future behaviour than whether we pick them up a treat at the shop or not when they’re little.

I think most children do not need any more toys, full stop. I also don’t think all purchases have to be for Christmas or birthdays, but I do think that it’s a good thing to have to wait for what you want sometimes. If it’s a small thing, I’d give it there and then, but a bigger thing would go into a pile waiting for the next occasion.