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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Childhood friend suddenly doesn’t like my partner

11 replies

User62719 · 25/02/2025 11:41

To cut a long story short, last year myself and my childhood friends all had big birthdays. I organised my own outing with drinks and invited females in my family and close friends from all stages of my life. Friend 1 had a party for her’s and friend 2 didn’t have any elaborate celebrations to my knowledge. She hates to be centre of attention and much prefers small intimate gatherings.

Friend 1 couldn’t make my birthday which was absolutely fine.

Friend 2 seemed to be having an amazing time, it’s been a long time since we have been ‘out out’ together due to Covid/lockdown and then us both having children. We laughed and danced with everyone and it was honestly a blast! Everyone told me how much of a good time they had had.

On the way home drunk friend 2 told me to me that she didn’t like my partner. I was shocked at this as I have been with him for many years, I had children with him. She couldn’t elaborate why she didn’t like him, but she just didn’t. She then said he never lets me do anything, which isn’t true. My partner and I are both professionals that work shifts of days and nights, we often don’t see each other and are like passing ships so that we always have childcare without relying on family. When we do get days/nights off together we like to spend them together and with our children. I did party hard when I was younger and I feel like now I’m a parent that lifestyle of partying has drifted. But I feel as though because I’m not always available to go out because I’m exhausted from working full time and shift work and being a parent this could be why she suddenly doesn’t like him.

I remember the whole conversation as I quickly sobered up on the journey home. It’s been a few months now and I don’t know how to approach the situation, I haven’t seen her and have barely spoken to her as I’m so upset. I know I need to just speak to her. I need to bring it up I just don’t know how. We used to have family days out together, meals together. We’ve been friends forever. Is this friendship now over?

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 25/02/2025 11:51

She was drunk. She doesn't understand your relationship.with your DH and was talking drunk talk about it.
What difference does it make anyway if she likes your DH or not, as long as she treats him civilly when they meet?
I'd let this one go.

ChangingHistory · 25/02/2025 11:54

You do nothing. She doesn't understand that the changes she sees are ones you wanted and agreed to. That's fine, she doesn't need to understand.

Under normal circ you wouldn't know what she thinks, it's none of your business and not up to you to try to correct the impression.

GinAndJuice99 · 25/02/2025 11:57

She should have apologised for being rude really. It's surprising she hasn't.

MotionofTime · 25/02/2025 11:57

Rhaidimiddim · 25/02/2025 11:51

She was drunk. She doesn't understand your relationship.with your DH and was talking drunk talk about it.
What difference does it make anyway if she likes your DH or not, as long as she treats him civilly when they meet?
I'd let this one go.

This.

Not sure why you're still thinking about it.

NormasArse · 25/02/2025 12:06

User62719 · 25/02/2025 11:41

To cut a long story short, last year myself and my childhood friends all had big birthdays. I organised my own outing with drinks and invited females in my family and close friends from all stages of my life. Friend 1 had a party for her’s and friend 2 didn’t have any elaborate celebrations to my knowledge. She hates to be centre of attention and much prefers small intimate gatherings.

Friend 1 couldn’t make my birthday which was absolutely fine.

Friend 2 seemed to be having an amazing time, it’s been a long time since we have been ‘out out’ together due to Covid/lockdown and then us both having children. We laughed and danced with everyone and it was honestly a blast! Everyone told me how much of a good time they had had.

On the way home drunk friend 2 told me to me that she didn’t like my partner. I was shocked at this as I have been with him for many years, I had children with him. She couldn’t elaborate why she didn’t like him, but she just didn’t. She then said he never lets me do anything, which isn’t true. My partner and I are both professionals that work shifts of days and nights, we often don’t see each other and are like passing ships so that we always have childcare without relying on family. When we do get days/nights off together we like to spend them together and with our children. I did party hard when I was younger and I feel like now I’m a parent that lifestyle of partying has drifted. But I feel as though because I’m not always available to go out because I’m exhausted from working full time and shift work and being a parent this could be why she suddenly doesn’t like him.

I remember the whole conversation as I quickly sobered up on the journey home. It’s been a few months now and I don’t know how to approach the situation, I haven’t seen her and have barely spoken to her as I’m so upset. I know I need to just speak to her. I need to bring it up I just don’t know how. We used to have family days out together, meals together. We’ve been friends forever. Is this friendship now over?

She doesn’t have to like him. Let it go and see her when you can.

I absolutely detest my oldest friend’s partner, but he’s her choice 🤷‍♀️.

WildCherryBlossom · 25/02/2025 13:03

Maybe
A) she really doesn't like him
B)she was talking crap while drunk
C)something more nuanced like she misses the good times you used to have together and kind of holds it against him, in her drunken state it came out as she doesn't like him

Take it with a bit of a pinch of salt and don't hold it against her. As your kids get older and need you slightly less try and go out and catch up with her and other friends a bit more, or invite her to yours to spend time with you and your family (and perhaps she will appreciate why you have become more of a home-body).

Itisjustmyopinion · 25/02/2025 13:19

She doesn’t need to like him just in the same way he doesn’t need to like her. Not great when you are stuck in the middle but you should be adult enough to have a friendship away from your partner

I haven’t liked partners of friends before. Some I have mentioned it to and some I have kept quiet. None of those friendships changed much as I still see them and everyone was polite when it was a group outing

ItGhoul · 25/02/2025 13:46

She was drunk and probably doesn't really understand your relationship or what it is that you see in your partner. I wouldn't worry about this.

It's possible she really does dislike him, and that's her choice - it doesn't really matter to be honest, unless she regularly socialises with both of you.

Daleksatemyshed · 25/02/2025 14:26

Why don't you just see her Op, go for coffee and just remind her what she said to you and see what she says. She said she didn't like him, she didn't accuse him of anything horrible and you're stewing over this and making yourself unhappy. Far better just to ask the question and find out where you stand

randomchap · 25/02/2025 14:48

It sounds like she's missing the out and partying you, and it's blaming your partner for changing you, rather than you changing yourself.

Hankunamatata · 25/02/2025 14:52

She doesn't have to like your partner to be your friend. I have a few that I'm not overly keen on their partners but I'm not socialising with them, I'm socialising with my friends

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