Should I write off the idea of having another child at this age? Worried about genetic/development issues

[Yea10]

I am 40 and have one dd age 3. Pregnancy was easy and although I had a c section I bounced back easily. Dd has been pretty much easy dare I say it. I know I am very lucky.

I want a second. But I keep reading about the risks being higher for various things after 40 (I’m 41 next January). I have had a fertility check and been told I have good chances. My periods are regular. Though I know that’s no guarantee.

Whilst I have coped well with dd and enjoyed it, I know I would struggle if things didn’t go too smoothly. Am I being silly to rock the boat here? Should I be happy with what I have? If I knew I would have a healthy baby I would go for it but I am anxious due to my age and the fact I feel I’ve been lucky enough already

I’d do it, but I’d get early testing, paid for privately.

this 100%

You Are lucky so far. Why change / risk that, all is well.

Life is full of worries do you let it stop you from doing anything else you want to do?

I’d do it now, but I wouldn’t leave it much longer.

Does it help to know I have a gloriously bright and vivacious daughter who was conceived at 40?

It’s a rise from a 0.25% risk to a 1% risk. I wouldn’t deprive myself of a wanted child for that tiny increase, especially now that NIPT is available.

I think there’s still more chance of things being just fine than not, right? And a baby at any age does come with a whole load of risks and unknowns and future possibilities good and bad. Also, if you want to go for it now is the best possible time available to you.

All that said if the issue is you have serious doubts re ability to cope (as opposed to general ‘what ifs’ and low key angst), focus on making peace with life as is.

If you want to do it, do it as soon as possible. Body clocks tick away while you make up your mind.

At 40/41 with a 3yo I would say go for it. At 45 with a 8yo I would be more cautious.

For me, I would be less concerned with how I would cope with the baby stage in my 40s than how I would cope with the teenage stage in my late 50s/60s.

Do It now. Don’t waste 5 years pondering on it then regretting not doing it, I don’t feel 40 is too old these days to be honest,

OP I was 24 when I had my severely disabled DD. Completely random. My mum had 6 of us, 3 of us conceived over 40 and all healthy. Yes It's a slightly higher risk, but having a baby carries risks no matter what.... you have to be prepared for all eventualities, that's just life! I'd say go for it if it's what you really want

If you can be happy without a second child, I’d honestly stay as you are.

I had DD at almost 40, it was absolutely fine. Nearly had another at 42 as well but we decided against it.

A dd had her 3rd (‘surprise’ baby) at nearly 43. Because of her age, they did pay for private tests to ensure that all was well.
Several of her friends have had healthy babies at similar ages. One had her 2nd at 45.

The risk doesn't magically go up the day you turn 40 (it does increase slightly as you age as does your risk of miscarriage)
I've just had my 3rd at almost 39, she came after 2 children followed by 2 miscarriages.
What I will say is it's much harder having 2 kids than having 1 - I wish I'd been 10 years younger because my knees, back and hips hurt- but then what's one more 😂

I’ve recently had my third at 41- was a bit harder in terms of pregnancy but he and I are both healthy now he’s here and he’s gorgeous. Tommy’s has a calculator where you can plug in your risk factors and it tells you the chance of a successful pregnancy if that helps make the decision.

We did as PPs suggest, and got private NIPT at 10 weeks.

Do it but do it soon if you’re going to.
My old boss had her first at 43, no health issues at all.
It is possible to have an absolutely healthy baby at 40/41 just as it is to have a baby with health issues in your early 20s and 30s.

Pay for the genetic screening privately early on.

Good luck to you and your DD 🩷

Thank you everyone! It think since I’ve got to 40 I’ve felt like that’s it really. Which is silly as I would mentally have been ok with it if I was still 39 😂 I am worried about how my body will cope too now I’m older. I am definitely not as fit as I was before dd

And by that I mean I am very unfit!

If you are going to do it, do it now.

If you're in a financially stable position, consider genetic testing for the 3 of you beforehand, it can rule out a lot of issues.

I had my first at 40, so I’m probably the wrong person to ask. I was 43 when I had the second.

MN are not always particularly tolerant of older mothers (or younger ones if it comes to that) but my NCT group were all 39/40 and have healthy children.

I had my 6th baby 2 weeks ago and I'm 42. It certainly wasn't planned but it was straightforward. The pregnancy and birth were easy, I didn't pay for any extra tests but all those offered on the NHS came back as low risk. I feel it's a lot easier this time around dealing with waking at night and don't feel any less energetic due to my age than I did with my first at 26.

In your case, I'd not worry too much about the additional age related risks, but be sure of how you'd go forward if anything did come up. I'd concentrate more on how you think you'd handle more than 1 if you're already worried that aspect.