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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Starting School Mum Drama

5 replies

PinkPanthers · 25/02/2025 00:16

Hi all,

My DS is due to start primary school next year. He currently attends a private nursery. I am interested in sending him to 2 local schools in the area. School 1 is a familiar school as my wider family’s children currently attend as did we when we were of school-age - decades ago! This school hasn’t received brilliant feedback over the years but most recent Ofsted report shows that it is improving. In a recent visit with headteacher, it appeared to be pretty cosy with only a handful of children in each class. They boasted about individualised plans for students as they had the time to focus on each child, but it was clear to me that the school lacked funding as the facilities were lacking and the walls were bare.

School 2 is a little bit further away but has an outstanding Ofsted rating. Many of my colleague’s children currently attend and have assumed that my child will be joining. I have brilliant relationships with a handful of people connected to the school and their sports community, and I would love for my child to pursue an extracurricular hobby. However, I have another problem.

My ExDP’s first child already attends School 2. She is 3 school years ahead of my DS. I have minimal contact with ExDP for a multitude of reasons, only speaking about finances and handover arrangements, but there is a difficult history with the mother of his DD. Bitter things were said and done when our relationship first began and she is not somebody I would say hello to if I were to pass her in the street. She has been extremely rude, aggressive but also has good connections within this school setting.

It has recently become apparent that the majority of those closest to me have assumed that I will send DS to School 1 to avoid the politics and potential unpleasant response of DS joining School 2.

Am I being unreasonable to have considered this yet currently prefer School 2? On a good day, I believe that there it may only be a problem for a little while and in that time, I will have established my own relationship with staff and parents in DS year. On a bad day, my anxiety tells me that School 1 would be the most sensible option to avoid unnecessary drama, awkward pick-ups and comments potentially repeated to my DS.

Does anybody have an insight? Similar experience with partner’s ex and schools? How important is school politics should parents have been told that I am a raging b**ch with no brain or self-respect? Kind of joking, kind of not.

OP posts:
SquashedGrape1 · 25/02/2025 00:20

How big is the school? Is the ex likely to have much to do with the children or parents of children 3 years below hers?

What is your child's relationship like with their half sibling?

PinkPanthers · 25/02/2025 00:32

SquashedGrape1 · 25/02/2025 00:20

How big is the school? Is the ex likely to have much to do with the children or parents of children 3 years below hers?

What is your child's relationship like with their half sibling?

School is the biggest primary school in the area. Roughly 30 children to 2-3 classes in each year. Children have no relationship currently as ex sees them separately at her request. I imagine this will change in future but that isn’t my decision to make. He prioritises ‘keeping the peace’.

I don’t believe she will have contact with my child. Only potential interaction at pick-up and drop-offs.

OP posts:
PinkPanthers · 25/02/2025 15:25

Bump for advice

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 25/02/2025 15:34

Starting point should be which school are you most likely to get allocated
In England we don't have a choice over schools (unless Private) we have a preference.
No point tying yourself in knots over it if you won't get one of the schools.

If you already know you are likely to be able to select either as first choice then do whatever you think will be best for everyone as a family (and I am not including any Ex's in that)

cinnamonda · 20/05/2025 07:19

Put your childs best interests first, if school 2 is better for your childs development then go for it. If you bump into the ex just ignore them or nod politely and off you go. Dont engage
simple. Good luck

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