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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Suspicious payee on husbands online banking

47 replies

Jakethesnack · 24/02/2025 23:05

So we have had a rough patch lately. We have mismatched sex drives and a few other issues.

I met a friend for a drink tonight so was out of the house for 2 hours.

When I came home we went through some money stuff and I saw on DH's phone his last payee was a woman's name - we don't know anyone of this name and it isn't anyone he works with either. I'm pretty sure the transaction was £10 but can't be sure. It's really bothering me.

I've tried googling the name and one woman comes up in our town but no mutual friends on FB or anything. I was wondering if it was an onlyfans person but then he wouldn't be doing a bank transfer to her would he?

I realise I must sound a bit paranoid but me and DH have a very small social circle and he tells me everything so I'm really not sure what this could be.

OP posts:
Jeeekers · 24/02/2025 23:29

Car wash

Notimeforaname · 24/02/2025 23:32

Look, you don't trust him, have mismatched sex drives plus other issues, he's "very into porn", you cant have an honest conversation with him without you being seen as "pointing fingers" ...do you need to stay in this relationship?
It won't make you happy. Is leaving an option at all?

Poppyseeds79 · 24/02/2025 23:38

If he's stingy then he's more likely to watch the tons of free porn out there vs paying for OF.

Did the woman in your area seem linked to any kind of a business he might have come into contact with?

rhubarb007 · 24/02/2025 23:48

We had just that last week.
Danielle Bottomfull or something like that. Obviously thought it was husband, but actually was me paying for a football card for DC. Paid via PayPal

WonderingWanda · 24/02/2025 23:52

It doesn't matter who it is. The bigger issue here is that you have no trust which is a sign of a very unhealthy relationship. You need to figure out if that can be fixed. Has something happened in the past to make you no trust him?

Talonz · 24/02/2025 23:53

Deposit on a hooker to prove he is genuine.

ShamrockShenanigans · 24/02/2025 23:53

Jakethesnack · 24/02/2025 23:11

Because I not in a place of trusting him right now and I don't want to go pointing fingers.

Show quote history

The PP asked why you don't just ask him.

They didn't say anything about finger pointing??

blueshoes · 25/02/2025 00:05

I am not worried if it is 10 pounds. The reason is not likely to be a concern. Office collection is the most likely.

Devianinc · 25/02/2025 00:10

Jakethesnack · 24/02/2025 23:05

So we have had a rough patch lately. We have mismatched sex drives and a few other issues.

I met a friend for a drink tonight so was out of the house for 2 hours.

When I came home we went through some money stuff and I saw on DH's phone his last payee was a woman's name - we don't know anyone of this name and it isn't anyone he works with either. I'm pretty sure the transaction was £10 but can't be sure. It's really bothering me.

I've tried googling the name and one woman comes up in our town but no mutual friends on FB or anything. I was wondering if it was an onlyfans person but then he wouldn't be doing a bank transfer to her would he?

I realise I must sound a bit paranoid but me and DH have a very small social circle and he tells me everything so I'm really not sure what this could be.

Only fans

Daffodiltimeishere · 25/02/2025 00:21

Jakethesnack · 24/02/2025 23:19

I'd be very surprised if it was work related as I said they're all blokes, also he'd give £5 if it was leaving gifts or anything like that ( we are poor )

He is incredibly insular and has 2 friends. He doesn't buy things from FB marketplace.

He is a gamer and he is very into porn 🥴 so I suspect it's something to do with the latter.

When you say he is " very into porn" do you mean he is an addict?
I would think you are right and the payment is sex related.
Why on earth do you want to be with a man who spends his time gaming and watching porn?

blueshoes · 25/02/2025 00:21

Devianinc · 25/02/2025 00:10

Only fans

Show quote history

I hate to link to the Daily Mail, but this one is right up their street:

The 10-second trick to find out if your husband is using OnlyFans (I tried it, and it works), how to expose your shady date's REAL name - and 10 other sneaky ways women are discovering the TRUTH about their partner

https://archive.is/ZKpel

PrimitivePerson · 25/02/2025 00:31

There's a billion and one legit reasons why small payments to named individuals might appear on your bank statement. Loads of businesses are sole traders.

loropianalover · 25/02/2025 00:42

Jakethesnack · 24/02/2025 23:19

I'd be very surprised if it was work related as I said they're all blokes, also he'd give £5 if it was leaving gifts or anything like that ( we are poor )

He is incredibly insular and has 2 friends. He doesn't buy things from FB marketplace.

He is a gamer and he is very into porn 🥴 so I suspect it's something to do with the latter.

It’s obvious that nothing anyone suggests here is going to soothe you, so you’re going to have to ask him.

FWIW it sounds completely innocent to me. He’s hardly met this local woman down Tesco and she told him £10 bank transfer for a blowjob!

whatonearthisgoingonnow · 25/02/2025 01:02

If he's as stingy as you say surely he wouldn't pay for anything porn or OF related, most men like that are confused about why people pay when you can get it free.

hakunahakuna · 25/02/2025 01:09

Jakethesnack · 24/02/2025 23:19

I'd be very surprised if it was work related as I said they're all blokes, also he'd give £5 if it was leaving gifts or anything like that ( we are poor )

He is incredibly insular and has 2 friends. He doesn't buy things from FB marketplace.

He is a gamer and he is very into porn 🥴 so I suspect it's something to do with the latter.

You have said you know he won't give to charity because you are poor, but you think he will pay for porn or similar despite being poor?

That pretty much says it all!

KrisAkabusi · 25/02/2025 01:46

Surely Only Fans women don't use their real names? It would leave them open to stalkers etc. If you can find her with a quick Google its more likely to be something innocent.

LillyPJ · 25/02/2025 02:50

Jakethesnack · 24/02/2025 23:11

Because I not in a place of trusting him right now and I don't want to go pointing fingers.

Show quote history

Asking him isn't 'pointing fingers' though! It's just curiosity. There might be a perfectly innocent explanation. Getting all sorts of guesses on here will just make you more worried and suspicious.

Original poster
Jakethesnack · 25/02/2025 09:49

hakunahakuna · 25/02/2025 01:09

You have said you know he won't give to charity because you are poor, but you think he will pay for porn or similar despite being poor?

That pretty much says it all!

Show quote history

Lol yes

OP posts:
SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 25/02/2025 09:58

xWren · 24/02/2025 23:25

That’s a good point. My window cleaner is called James and I pay him exactly £10 a time 😂 he’s down as a Payee on my bank as James Surname.

Show quote history

My window cleaner is David, and I am paying him £30 a go, he is also down as a payee.

I agree OP, just ask. The way I ask is
“Just checking you made this payment in case its a fraudulent charge…

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 25/02/2025 09:59

There are a lot of gamer kickstarters where you pay £10 or so so that they can get a new deck of cards or game produced for a group of interested gamers. My DH did that for a deck of cards based on Viking mythology

Ablondiebutagoody · 25/02/2025 10:09

I don't think that you get much action for a tenner. Just ask him

bellocchild · 25/02/2025 10:33

healthybychristmas · 24/02/2025 23:15

Just say I think we are being scammed and I'm going to report that payment

This

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