To end my marriage

[Liquidsilver]

Since the kids weee born 7 years ago my marriage has turned to shit. My H became so selfish and lazy, started working mega long hours and going out whenever he pleased. If I’m honest there is a woman he works with who always goes out with them and I’m convinced something is going on. He says he doesn’t want to be at home because I don’t show him any affection, how can I? I just know when we split he will end up with this other woman and worried things might turn nasty.

Sorry OP but your marriage is stone dead. Its time it was buried decently so you can grieve and move on.

If he wants 50/50 great! That means you can work and build a nice life for yourself without him dragging you down

When it comes down to it he'll probably change his mind - they usually do - so he can pay CMS and you can work p/t to build that nice life for yourself still.

Sure he may get nasty - but words can't really hurt you. Any physical threat or action call the Police immediately.

Go see a solicitor and get the wheels in motion. Your current life is pretty miserable, so change it.

Better to call it a day than be the mug who does all the childcare while he cheats and claims to be a good dad and husband.

Calling it quits at least gives you the chance to move forward and shine a light on how little he is involved.

It might hurt for a bit but then you won't have to worry about him leaving etc
Like a boil, once it pops it feels better.

The answer to all this is - let it happen.

If it hurts that he's with someone else- let it happen.
He wants to take you to court - let it happen.

The amount of power you have when you decide to be brave is immeasurable.

Women aren't strong and living happy lives that they are in control of by accident. Its a conscious decision. You decide to divorce and you become strong because you've decided to be. You can do this. Confidence is a muscle. Exercise it and it gets stronger.

Stay strong for yourself and your children. Your marriage is over as you are at home prioritising your family he is out socialising with other people. He didn’t even let you have a planned night out. In time the pain will pass and your life will get better.

Of course you’re putting them first, no one doubts that. But it doesn’t sound like he has it in him to put anyone ahead of his own needs and wants so even if he does go for and obtain 50:50 I don’t see it lasting.

Yes, it might get messy and it’s going to hurt but it won’t hurt forever and as far as messy is concerned, if it does go to court make sure what you say reflects on what is best for the children and seek legal advice.