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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call DH self centered and not apologise

37 replies

Shesnotveryself · 24/02/2025 20:02

I'm 38 weeks pregnant, still working. Very stressed. Today DH messaged me mid-work day and asked if I'd be ok with him booking a running gait analysis next week that's over 20 miles away. I'll be on maternity leave by then so in his words "sitting on my arse" and to avoid me going into labour solo whilst he's over the other side of the county he thinks I should go with him. Which aside from making no sense and taking me further away from my chosen birth hospital... I don't want to sit in a car for hours whilst he goes to his appointment. It's been manic these last few months and I just need to rest and prioritise myself for what little time I may have pre-birth.

I didn't call him selfish, because it's not selfish to prioritise his health and he is struggling with a bit of knee pain which I can empathise with. But his timing and reaction to me not being happy with the suggestion was really self centered. Full disclosure - I didn't respond that well because he really got my back up and has a habit of telling me to "not distract him during his work day" whilst sending me this inane shit. But in all honesty I'm just sad that he didn't have the self awareness that I'm a stressed, hormonal, in constant pain and frankly have enough on my plate right now.

This time in my first pregnancy I developed preeclampsia and I delivered early. The last thing I want to have to spend my time and energy thinking about is his bloody running gait analysis.

We've since had a massive argument and he's demanding I apologise for calling him self centered. It's obviously all blown out of proportion. But I'm pissed off, my back is now cramping and I don't see the benefit of apologising for something I stand by.

OP posts:
Hercisback1 · 24/02/2025 21:04

I think you need to chill out a bit tbh. Yes you're very pregnant, very tired and stressed, however he just asked a question. A simple "no, it's too close to the birth" would have sufficed surely?

Springadorable · 24/02/2025 21:08

I'm not sure how this has escalated to this fight. You've flown off the handle, and he's got prickly in return. Apologise, move on, and don't do it again.

PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 24/02/2025 21:09

He'd be better off booking in with a podiatrist near you, who'd analyse his gait and the rest of his physiology to ascertain the cause of his knee pain. They specialise in the body from the lower back downwards.

Sassybooklover · 24/02/2025 21:10

I'm guessing due to the fact with your first pregnancy you had pre-eclampsia, and went into labour early, you perhaps are feeling a little anxious? If so, that is completely understandable. You may be feeling 20 miles is a long way away, if you were to suddenly go into labour? Again, considering the above, that's understandable too. If your husband simply asked you if you'd prefer to come with him, rather than stay at home - then that's not demanding you go with him. If you are feeling a bit anxious, have you explained this to your husband? He may not realise, how you are feeling. Would you prefer he went to this appointment now or when you have a new born?! If it were me, I'd rather he went now. Messaging you about this whilst you were at work, wasn't the best move, it wasn't important. It could have waited until you both got home.

Original poster
Shesnotveryself · 24/02/2025 21:20

Sassybooklover · 24/02/2025 21:10

I'm guessing due to the fact with your first pregnancy you had pre-eclampsia, and went into labour early, you perhaps are feeling a little anxious? If so, that is completely understandable. You may be feeling 20 miles is a long way away, if you were to suddenly go into labour? Again, considering the above, that's understandable too. If your husband simply asked you if you'd prefer to come with him, rather than stay at home - then that's not demanding you go with him. If you are feeling a bit anxious, have you explained this to your husband? He may not realise, how you are feeling. Would you prefer he went to this appointment now or when you have a new born?! If it were me, I'd rather he went now. Messaging you about this whilst you were at work, wasn't the best move, it wasn't important. It could have waited until you both got home.

Definitely. I can imagine most women are in the lead up to their labour, surely? And as for the previous poster who spent their last few weeks sat on the sofa - lovely for you! But that was not my experience at all and I would fucking welcome the chance to do that.

I don't care if he goes now, or after the birth. It makes no difference. It's a two hour round trip for all the pp saying "30 mins" plus a 90 minute appointment of me just killing time. I'd much rather be at home. And have no issue with DH being out of the house that long, but I do not want to be wasting 3-4 hours of my day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shesnotveryself · 24/02/2025 22:39

After some reflection I've come to realise that I'm harbouring resentment. DH sucks at forward planning, as demonstrated by this thread. And throughout this pregnancy I feel as though he's continuously shut me down on various baby related topics. We don't have a functional 2 car seat set up that works for us, we don't have double buggy that is essential for nursery drop offs, we don't have any idea about names (not essential, but after a previous loss would really help me personally). And whenever I raise any of this I get told its not the right time, he's busy, it's not a priority etc, or just outright ignored...

I pointed out he's done sweet FA in terms of helping prepare for the baby and he just said it's my fault for getting rid of DC1s stuff, which I sold to fund new purchases as DC grew.

It just feels very petty and unappreciative, when here I am expected to give a shit about his running gait.

OP posts:
brunettemic · 24/02/2025 22:42

I’m honestly just laughing at the concept of 20 miles being a long distance and too far.

Hercisback1 · 24/02/2025 22:51

Sounds like a straw that broke the camels back.

Order the pushchair you want,sod him. Same with the car seats.

Ontherocksthisyear · 24/02/2025 22:57

It's only 20 miles.... jeez

user2848502016 · 24/02/2025 23:03

You don't care if he goes but you don't want to go- so just don't go then. Stay home and order the baby stuff you need, it doesn't take two people to do that.

StormingNorman · 24/02/2025 23:05

Did he DEMAND you go or did he think you’d feel safer going with him than being at home alone? Either way, just saying you’d be happier at home would have resolved everything without a row.

Good luck with the birth x

Original poster
Shesnotveryself · 24/02/2025 23:08

brunettemic · 24/02/2025 22:42

I’m honestly just laughing at the concept of 20 miles being a long distance and too far.

When did I say it was too far? IDGAF if he's 20 miles away. You've missed the point of the thread entirely.

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