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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry at how bad my ONE year olds tantrums are??

28 replies

cheekycee · 24/02/2025 18:15

My child has turned one this month. The past 3 days he is a different person. He cries in fact, no he SCREAMSSSS so bad at everything when I said no or don't let him do something. While this does sound normal to a toddler my son is only just turned 1 so I am concerned as to WTF is going on and why it is so sudden?! He doesn't sleep he screams through the night too throws his dummies and toys and can lash out too. Normal or should I contact the HV?

OP posts:
JacquesHarlow · 24/02/2025 18:17

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting @cheekycee

Notgivenuphope · 24/02/2025 18:19

Could he be unwell? Earache? Tonsils? In pain somehow?
Such young children aren’t really having ‘tantrums’

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 24/02/2025 18:23

Is he in pain? Or is it an angry type of scream?

If it’s totally out of character then I’d get him checked out as it could be something that’s hard to see, like ear ache, tooth’s ache etc

Or it could be that he’s just learnt the impact that screaming has and is testing it out a bit.

CurlewKate · 24/02/2025 18:28

He's a bit young for understand no or being stopped from doing things. Sounds like ear ache or something to me. And try removing him from a situation rather than expecting him to understand no...

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 24/02/2025 18:30

Also, I find diversion / distraction massively helpful when saying no. They don’t understand why they can’t get what they want shut generally can be easily moved on to something else.

Original poster
cheekycee · 24/02/2025 18:30

Notgivenuphope · 24/02/2025 18:19

Could he be unwell? Earache? Tonsils? In pain somehow?
Such young children aren’t really having ‘tantrums’

Erm perhaps maybe yes? Do you not think it is tantrums? He's not showing any obvious signs but that would make sense

OP posts:
Original poster
cheekycee · 24/02/2025 18:32

CurlewKate · 24/02/2025 18:28

He's a bit young for understand no or being stopped from doing things. Sounds like ear ache or something to me. And try removing him from a situation rather than expecting him to understand no...

No he reallly understands no as he screams every time I say it(when he tries to touch dangerous things). I also say no and bring him away from danger too and he throws a tantrum. I just feel 1 is slightly too young?

OP posts:
Original poster
cheekycee · 24/02/2025 18:32

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 24/02/2025 18:30

Also, I find diversion / distraction massively helpful when saying no. They don’t understand why they can’t get what they want shut generally can be easily moved on to something else.

That's a good idea. If he continues I'll try showing him something quickly to distract him x

OP posts:
Greenwallpinkwall · 24/02/2025 18:35

Definitely get him physically checked out, otherwise… good luck

Bollihobs · 24/02/2025 18:44

Illness was my first thought too, as it's changed so quickly, has he got a temperature or any redness or warmth on him anywhere, sore looking throat etc? Is he eating and drinking normally?

Original poster
cheekycee · 24/02/2025 19:05

Bollihobs · 24/02/2025 18:44

Illness was my first thought too, as it's changed so quickly, has he got a temperature or any redness or warmth on him anywhere, sore looking throat etc? Is he eating and drinking normally?

No redness and obvious signs of illness but I will get him into the GP to get looked at thank you

OP posts:
Hufflemuff · 24/02/2025 19:34

Ruling out illness, the best thing you can do in this situation is STICK TO YOUR GUNS. Do not let him "win", otherwise you teach them that if they cry to a certain point, they get their way - so they will be prone to tantrums because they will realise its a successful method of getting their way.

Try and ignore the bad tantrums over nothing (1 is too young for discipline) then once they stop crying and screaming- pay them attention. I wouldn't coddle up to them, otherwise again, they learn its a great way to get attention.

I think tiredness could be your key factor here! Try them for an extra nap maybe? If that's at all possible...

Bearbookagainandagain · 24/02/2025 20:01

My son was having tantrums very young, before 1, but it was part of a pattern it didn't come up in 3 days. A sudden change like this is very odd at that age, so I would also think illness.

You don't really say why he gets upset, has there been any changes in his routine?

Bearbookagainandagain · 24/02/2025 20:21

Ah, just saw that you did give some examples about being said no etc. My son was definitely having tantrums at that age, proper ones, hitting his fists on the floor, throwing his toys, screaming...

Cuddles did nearly nothing, he didn't want to be held at all in those situations so I feel it was making it worse. The only that helped a bit was giving him his dummy and his conforter.
We never really found a good solution when he was 1. We would just wait it out... luckily we were generally home when it happened. We also avoided any situations that could create big frustration outside, like eating out for instance. But I think we had nearly a year of absolute screams to death every single day on the way back from nursery or the park, so I often joked that the neighbours could hear us coming home from a distance 😂

It does get better, and then we found better ways for him to manage. The biggest improvement for us happened when he got closer to 2 and could tell us what the problem was.

All my NCT mums friends were quite dismissive when I called it 'tantrums' at 1, so I don't think it's very common. Their kids started showing those behaviours much later at 2 or 3, when it got easier for us.
I also understand their view a bit better now that we have a second child! She does those cute little things like rolling on the floor when she is unhappy, but it's absolutely nothing like our eldest at that age!

Elsvieta · 24/02/2025 20:25

Sounds like he's intelligent - understanding language earlier than most. Just pop him in his playpen and don't react.

CurlewKate · 24/02/2025 20:46

@cheekycee "No he reallly understands no as he screams every time I say it(when he tries to touch dangerous things). I also say no and bring him away from danger too"

I'm not understanding why he is near anything dangerous, frankly....

Haveyouanyjam · 24/02/2025 20:59

My just turned 1yo gets upset when she can’t have something she wants and will lash out or throw something and cry that she can’t have it. The main difference with an older child in my experience is that they are much quicker to be distracted or move on. It must be confusing that most of the time when she asks for something by pointing that 9 times out of 10 I’ll give it to her as it’s her, water, a toy etc. so it must be infuriating when that other time I just say no she can’t have it when she has no idea why. It happens to every child just depends on their temperament and how keen they are to get into everything around them. She is a vocal child generally as she also laughs easily etc.

He may be unwell if he’s getting really worked up but I wouldn’t stress yourself about it. The tantrums ebb and flow and each child is different.

Haveyouanyjam · 24/02/2025 21:01

CurlewKate · 24/02/2025 20:46

@cheekycee "No he reallly understands no as he screams every time I say it(when he tries to touch dangerous things). I also say no and bring him away from danger too"

I'm not understanding why he is near anything dangerous, frankly....

Are you serious? Danger to a 1yo could be so many things you can hardly keep them away from everything. Could be a cloth hanging from a table that if they pull a heavy book could fall on them. Or they climb on something or their sibling dropped a coin on the floor?? I doubt she means sharp knives and live wires.

WorkingHarder · 24/02/2025 21:06

It would be worth trying calpol and seeing if there is a noticeable change 30 minutes later. Calpol takes 30 minutes to kick in.

At this age my DS started making a noise like a whistling kettle and it was a huge problem. He stopped the noise exactly 30 minutes after calpol.

He's now a teenager and is able to tell me that he has really terrible growing pains, so I think that must have been what it was then too.

Dragonstar · 24/02/2025 21:19

Check for back teeth coming in. Lots of cuddles and distraction.

Mushroo · 24/02/2025 21:36

We have the exact same. It's definitely tantrums, so if I wont let her play with the alarm - tantrum

Won't let her turn the light on and off - tantrum.

Distraction doesn't really work, I just sit near her whilst she kicks it out and she calms down.

I would say though there was a week it was absolutely relentless and it turned out she had an ear infection, so definitely worth getting checked out too.

bzarda · 24/02/2025 21:42

My daughter was like this but then her language suddenly exploded, and she really calmed down. I think she was just so frustrated that she couldn't communicate what she wanted (or didnt want) properly. To be honest her tantrums are ramping up again now at 22 months but I've found that there are just lots of ebbs and flows to toddler hood and you will go through bad patches and suddenly they will come out the other side (and normally suddenly be able to do something they couldn't before) and be lovely again.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 24/02/2025 22:39

Definitely distracting is the key tactic.

CurlewKate · 25/02/2025 08:38

"Won't let her turn the light on and off - tantrum"

At 13 months? Why is the switch in reach??.

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 25/02/2025 08:53

My 1 year old throws a strop. Cries when I say no to the tv remote. I thought it was quite normal.