My mum’s telling my family I’m changing my name before I’ve changed it

[LilacUnicornHead]

So I’ve decided to change my name, I have 2 last names (one mums and one dads) but I have nothing to do with my sperm donor nor do I want his name, he was abusive for most of my childhood and even when we moved out his abuse continued mentally and through money (he wouldn’t threaten to stop paying child maintenance for my little brother if he didn’t like what he heard).

I’ve always known I was meant to have a middle name as I was supposed to be named after my mums grandma. So I am wanting to change my name to remove my sperm donors, and add the middle name he refused to allow me to have.

the reason I am annoyed, is I haven’t seen nor signed the deed poll yet, and my mum has gone round telling her side of the family and is annoyed at me for not being happy about her telling what I deem my news to tell.

am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at my mum for telling the family my news that’s a major and important thing to me?

Yes, you are. It’s unimportant to anyone but you.

No, of course you're not unreasonable.

But learn from this - don't tell your mum anything you don't want the world to know, clearly you can't trust her.

This isn't just about changing your surname, it's about removing all traces of his influence on your name at all, first, middle and surname.

It is your news to tell but I think your mother, on this occasion is just happy for you and is sharing your good news. I know it's your news but she is possibly just happy for you.

Yanbu, my dm was like this (along with many other things)

Your news is just that

Congratulations on changing your name! I changed mine and dd's last year and I'm so happy with it. Got rid of my sd's surname and started afresh ❤️

If you asked your mum to keep quiet then YANBU. Otherwise forget it, it’s not the end of the world.

I know everyone seems to think it's really important that your news is kept secret until you deem it time to share, but really, who cares?