DS’s name - second thoughts?

[vakko2]

Hi all,

Long-time lurker, first-time poster, hoping for some wisdom!

DH and I welcomed our gorgeous DS a few months ago, and we went with a name we both loved at the time. It’s fairly classic but has become a lot more popular than we realised. Everywhere we go, there seem to be multiple little boys with the same name, and I’m now wondering if we should have chosen something less common.

I know it’s a bit late for regrets, but I can’t shake this niggling feeling that we didn’t get it quite right. Has anyone else felt like this? Did the feeling pass? Would it be totally bonkers to start using his middle name instead?

TIA!

If you prefer his middle name, can you swap them around?

I don't think it would be bonkers, but I would do it soon and stick to it if it is what you decide. Or choose a nice nickname. And don't worry, a nice classic name won't do your son any harm.

I have gone by my middle name for much of my life. I don’t think that’s too unusual!

A relative was named after his two Grandfather's. He was known by his 3rd name by everyone. His wife only found out his full name when they were about to be married.

My DH has always been called by his middle name - it’s a bit of a pain so I would swap them around if you want them the other way round.

If you prefer the middle name or feel it suits him better then that wouldn’t be weird to use it instead going forwards. However, I wouldn’t change it just because you’re hearing the original name a lot. I know kids with names outside the top 100 that still share a name with a classmate and top 5 names that don’t. I used to take DD to a baby group where a third of the babies were called Quinn! And somehow have never heard it since she aged out of the group. Coincidences are weird!

That’s really reassuring to hear, thank you! I suppose I just worry it would confuse family and friends, but I guess people would get used to it quickly enough. Did you ever have any issues with things like official documents or school records, or was it fairly straightforward?

No issues as I’ve always been aware what my ‘actual’ name is. I know at DC school you can also put their ‘known as’ name which I think usually gets adhered to!

You and DH both love the name, does it really matter if others also share it? You’ll still likely come across others sharing the name even if you change it to whatever his middle name is.

I thought I had picked something much less popular for DD and there were still a few others in her primary and again now in secondary with the same name. I still love it.

My father went by his second name all his life ( including in the Army in WW2). They called him after his father , but then realised it was a bit confusing…🤭, so everyone just used his middle name.

I don’t think this is as important to other people, even family, as it is to you.

I’d be upset to have chosen a popular name, because to me the whole point of a name is to identify the person, and if there are several everywhere I go, it has failed at its basic function. On the flip side of course popular names are often lovely names, so I’m sure it would be something you could get used to. Are there any shortenings or related names that you like that could be used easily?

For my own DC I wouldn’t consider any name that had been inside the top 1000 within the last ten years but some names do have stratospheric rises and lots have regional popularity. Where is it sitting in the charts? Is it super popular top 100?

I had a similar feeling when my DD was a baby - when DH and I chose the name it was quite uncommon, by the time she was born it was in the top ten!

The feeling passed, and she's grown up to love her name. I think there's only one other child at her school with the same name, and they're in a completely different year.

If you liked the name enough to give DS the name then just stick with it, it’s not a big deal? I have never ever understood people whose parents just use their middle name all of their life, just makes things super confusing!

edit to say my parents had the same issue with my name. It’s not exactly a common name but there were two other girls in my year with the same first name but actually I haven’t met many people as an adult with my name

You can amend the birth certificate for a period of time without having to do a deed poll I think - maybe it's in the first year?

Worth considering if you're sure you want to change.

It's pretty common in some culture s.

In Wales for example it used to be traditional to use your middle name with friends and family. Your first name was your "Sunday name". A fair number of people still doing this today.

When I had my eldest we didn't realise how popular her name was. As a baby there was always another baby with the same name at the baby group, park, party etc

However when she started school she was the only one in her class with that name and even now at high school there aren't too many!

It might just be initial panic. Like when you get a new car and see that make and model of car everywhere!

If you like his name then stick with it.

I suspect that if you start using his middle name, you'll start hearing that everywhere too. I think you just notice names a lot more once you've chosen them for your own child. The name you've chosen would have been popular before, but you weren't as conscious of it then.

If you're really having second thoughts, though, it's not hugely inconvenient to go by one's middle name. I know quite a few people who do (they're all from Irish backgrounds, but I'm not sure if that's just a coincidence or whether it's more common to go by a middle name in Ireland!).

Both me and my sister go by a different name than the one on our birth certificates as Mum changed her mind both times. Use his middle name if you want to or do as my mum did and go with something else!

My grandad went his whole life (well, from a teen) known by a name that was nowhere on his birth certificate. I only found out in my teens that it wasn't his name, and given the two horrific ones he'd been saddled with, I don't blame him!

I'm a teacher and I've a couple of students who are known by their middle name instead of their first, it's not very unusual. Also a friend of mine was named after his dad so they always used his middle name anyway.

Yes this, or conversely the middle name becomes popular in another 5-10 years and you have the same problem.

One of my daughters has quite an unusual name and for some reason other mums LOVE to tell me when they come across another child with that name... like "ha - you failed at being original..."

Some names are mega common at my kids school.

Recently looking at the wall of art work ar school and names like Oliver/Ollie (most common for a boy here), Noah, Theo and surprisingly Jensen where repeated often (with surname letters to diferenciate). For girls its seeming Grace, Frankie, flower names and anything stating with a vowel but especially 'Em' names.

That said I remember when my oldest was born EVERY little boy we met was Harry (not my DS name so not something I was looking for). Literally every kid we met at the park, every parent shouting in public, every boy at baby group etc... it was just EVERYWHERE.

Every mam said the same 'I had had no idea it was this popular when I picked it'. It was by far the highest ranked name at the time too. Then over time it just seemingly disappeared, there where very few in school (maybe 1 per class) so what happened to all the thousands of little Harrys? I genuinely worry for their vanishing act.