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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feel shit parenting

4 replies

Hah786 · 24/02/2025 13:26

My 5-year-old daughter (ASD, possibly ADHD) and my 2-year-old have been on half-term break, and I’ve been trying to keep them busy. We’ve done lots of learning activities ( guilt shes behind in school) and trips to the park, but she gets bored easily. I don’t have family around, and I don’t drive. I also fell down the stairs, which hasn’t helped.

My husband took annual leave so I could attend a two-day autism workshop. It was useful, but it feels like wasted leave, and I feel so guilty that I haven’t taken them to museums or anywhere special ( expensive to book any days out) . We don’t have many friends, and every day my daughter talks about school and how she wants more friends. She’s had a couple of playdates, but everyone is busy.

I feel like I should be doing more. I’m trying. I feel guilty for letting them watch too much TV. My dad passed away suddenly a year ago—he was a huge help with the kids. I feel exhausted from sleepless nights. I used to do more before. I’m tired from listening to my daughter all day, the constant energy, cleaning, tidying. Half-term is over now, and we’re back to school—the same old routine. The weekends are too full to even plan a museum trip, and even then, a museum wouldn’t really fit her interests ( she would get fed up, have to keep her entertained all thr time). The whole day would have to be planned around her needs ( its just too much)

I love my kids so much. I’m constantly researching, learning, and listening to them, trying to be better. But just now, I lost it when she kept repeating comments about how big my arms are. I know I’m overweight. I need to lose it so I can have more energy and be a better parent. ( i have told her many times not to say this, i have also tried brushing her comments off) I ended up getting angry.

thank you for reading

OP posts:
RhubarbandCustardYummyYummy · 24/02/2025 13:38

Don’t beat yourself up - if she wants to learn more about making friends she needs to learn comments about people’s bodies can be upsetting and sometimes it’s good for children to see that parents have feelings too. Apologise for shouting but explain that it upset you and don’t apologise for being upset.

Flightsoffancy · 24/02/2025 13:39

I am so sorry you're feeling so down on yourself. When I read your post I hear all the things you say you don't do (most of which really don't matter, I promise) but also all the things you DO do - which matter much more. That is, loving and listening to your children. Excursions and so on are peripheral. It sounds like you're in the trenches right now with two very young children, one possibly with special needs, as well as grieving your father. You're carrying a lot of guilt, guilt which I would suggest is unnecessary. Have you come across a woman called Anna Mathur? She is brilliant on this sort of thing and has lots of free online resources. Keep going - I think you're doing an awful lot better than you think you are.

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 24/02/2025 14:03

I very deliberately didn't plan any outings this half term. Day to day I spend my life getting stressed at trying to get us all out the door on time to be at clubs, school, playdates or whatever. We've had a lovely week of lazy mornings, watching telly, did some baking, we've sorted out some old clothes that my kids have outgrown, we've wandered down to the park, popped round to see family, snd generally pottered about. The kids (& I!) have needed a break from planned/educational activities and organised "fun".

Don't worry about not going to a museum! The museum will still be there in 18 years when she is old enough to take herself.

Monvelo · 24/02/2025 14:16

Sorry you're struggling. It sounds to me like you're doing a good job but that is a lot.

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