Is this a normal question?

[Stuckinit21]

I have a 4 year old daughter that has been sick overnight and I have been up with her most of the night. I have two other children that are older and so my husband took the other two to school. I assumed he would tell school that our daughter that has been up sick all night wouldn’t be coming in to school. Anyway once me and my daughter did finally go back to sleep, school rang and I missed the call. They were asking why my daughter wasn’t in school. I was so tired I sent a quick message to my husband asking him to call school, which he did.

Right so now I get to my point. Once I woke up I asked my husband if he rang school, which he said he has. So the part that I find very weird is I asked him “what did you exactly say to school?” “Did you say just sick or she vomited?”. I asked him this because they tend to always ask specifics as to why a child is off school. He then told me oh the school didn’t actually answer the phone so he left a voicemail. I said that’s absolutely fine. Just so that we are on the same page I needed to know what he told them otherwise they would be ringing us back.

It’s his reaction and tone to me asking these questions that has me bewildered. He threw a strop saying “I find these questions you ask me are so strange and weird” . I said it’s just normal day to day family life questions. He went on to say there’s so many weird questions you ask me about the kids.

Tbh I don’t think it’s just regarding this. The man can’t be asked any questions really. Iv said to him a lot of marriage/family life is not going to be amazing fun conversations is it especially when we have young children(3 children 10 and under) Is this a man thing? It’s hard to converse a lot of the time. He says it’s “annoying and unnecessary questions” “that I don’t trust him to be a parent”

Is it me being too much or should he be able to answer normal every day type of questions?

Thanks

Does it matter what he said? I don't get it. Is the point she did vomit but you don't want the school to know so you don't have to observe the 48 hr rule?

It’s a man thing!
I ask lots of specific questions too! When it comes to my son. ‘Have you given him a drink today?’ ‘Yeah I think so why?’ Well because he hasn’t been for a wee and has a headache! Before I go out and he’s got footie or something I get the stuff ready and my DH says why do you do that? So I didn’t once and he rang me whilst I was in a gym class asking where x,y and z are!!

My DH is a great dad and husband but sometimes lacks common sense so I’d rather be annoying and repetitive than things not get done!!

I don't think he phoned them.

I'm not sure I understand why you need to know exactly what he said to the school? He rang the school and presumably left a messaging saying your DC was sick and wouldn't be in. How much more detail did you need?

I'd be inclined to get irritated at your questioning too OP.

It absolutely doesn't matter whether he specifically said that she vomited, why would it?

The fact is she was too sick for school and that's that.

He is probably reacting to you micromanaging him.

Don't be ridiculous, it's not a 'man thing'.

It's a 'your man' thing.

Unless you're saying all the normal, responsible male parents in the world aren't actually men?

I think you need to raise your expectations if you think a 'great dad' would allow any child in his care to end up with dehydration, and not be able to recall whether he gave them a drink or not.

You told him to phone the school, he did. I don't see why he needs to be interrogated about what exactly he said, or why you need to be on the same page. You seem to be asking for an unnecessary level of detail.

He handled the school, you don't need to be involved. I would not appreciate this level of questioning. In fact, I would probably refuse to have anything to do with school admin in the future if I have to report to my "family manager" every time I did a bit of parenting.

for those who say it doesn’t matter how much do you have interaction with schools now! Attendance is madness now and yes saying she has vomited or being sick will mean that the next two days should be automatically marked off. Saying sick (a) is insufficient information nowadays and (b) will mean having to contact the school again to confirm

the OP therefore needs to know whether she needs to call tomorrow

What do you need to be on the same page about? You're not lying or making anything up at that was an odd thing to say

I suspect this is part of a pattern of you nitpicking and fussing over tiny things that don’t really matter. I’d feel pretty patronised in his position.

Agree with this what else is there to know.
Men can never get anything right.

Very hard to call this without knowing you both. He could be a man at the end of his tether from being micromanaged and questioned over every aspect of his parenting, like you see him as a not very bright assistant. Or he could indeed be that not very bright assistant who needs you checking to make sure he's done what he's supposed to, and he gets arsey when questioned because he hasn't.

Not sure why you needed to be on the same page, kids poorly so if school rings you tell them what’s wrong. It’s not like you’re making it up.

In this particular scenario I'm with your DH. You sound controlling/micro-managing him. You didn't need to know exactly what he said, no same pages to get on. Your child is sick, he communicated it to the school end of.

I'd be annoyed by those specific questions.

Tbh it’s because school have attendance teams who chase and nitpick at every opportunity when a child is off. I needed to know if I had to ring them again because vomiting most of the time means 48 hours off automatically. You will laugh at the amount of times my husband has said something to attendance team in terms of symptoms when one of the children are sick.

Also it’s not just about this particularly experience, it’s many other situations too whereby later on because he didn’t inform me of something particular, then either something is missed of forgotten.

From the feedback on here I do gather that maybe at times I do ask too many questions that can be seen as micromanaging. So I’ll take that on board and reflect. Maybe it’s because I inform him about a lot of what I have done just for conversation and so that he knows what’s occurred.

If I had asked my DH to ring the school about an ill child and he told me he did, that would be the end of the conversation tbh

If making a phone call prompted 20 questions, I’d tell my partner to do it themselves next time.

You were being irritating. So what if the school called back for clarification on anything.

So, if I'm understanding correctly, your concern is that he didn't tell them the child was vomitting so they will be expecting the chid back in school tomorrow? I am going to assume that you have had this sort of endless need to correct things he's done many times, which is why you're nitpicking. Certainly, in a situation like this with me and DH, yes, it's entirely possible he would simply say we're keeping the child home today, not thinking about the 48 hour rule. wen the school then called me the next day, yes, I would be annoyed. But, and this is the crucial thing, in that situation, I would then say to DH - why didn't you tell them it's a vomitting bug and she'd be off for at least 48 hours?! And he would realise he'd been a twat, and make an effort not to do it again.

So if you routinely find he does things badly and it has negative impacts, you are right ot be annoyed. But I'd say in that case, arguing about what he said on one occassion is not helpful. You need a far bigger conversation about him half assing htings and how that impacts you.

I’d be annoyed he didn’t think to tell school himself in the first place, given he was taking the other dc in and must have realised you were exhausted.

This is why men get “micromanaged” aka “nagged”. Because they do a half arsed job in the first place and it’s their partner who has to pick up the mental load.

If he had form for doing things unasked and getting them right first time, OP wouldn’t need to check.

I'm inclined to agree with your DH too unless
there's something you're not telling us. He's their parent too and he should be trusted to call the school without you checking up on him.
I think if it was the other way around and he was questioning you you'd be annoyed too

I'm guessing that he feels undervalued by you and that he can't be trusted in general.

I can see both sides here really. Firstly, your question wasn't at all weird. Secondly, if you have a tendency to ask lots of questions then I do feel for your husband. My DH asks a lot of questions and sometimes I don't mind, but other times (if I'm tired or grumpy) it really gets to me!!