Would you stay? (Tw Sexual coercion)

[JanuaryJon3s]

Married 12 years, two kids 4 and 7 - one with autism and Dh is also neurodivergent.

Covid was a rough patch and dh was controlling and sexually coercive with me from 2020-2023. In 2021 he physically pushed me in an argument. In 2023 he pushed me again.

2024 we both spent a lot of money on therapy, Dh received his diagnosis (Adhd and autism) Dh continues to get therapy. Understands his issues with rejection sensitivity and feeling need for control better.

Things are much much better. I would go as far as to say we now have a stable relationship, happy kids. Great home, supportive family etc. But realise we are still learning and still repairing.

My issue now is however much I try to convince myself that things are ok now I still can’t feel happy and in love. I feel kind of traumatised and I also have what I can only describe as “the ick” for my husband. I desperately want everything to be ok but I can’t shake this feeling.

Would you stay, see how things go, or would you accept its over and make plans to leave?

Have you had therapy OP? I think you should try this if you haven't already, it may help.

I would leave if I could as there's been physical violence and a pattern of coercive behaviour. Therapy might embolden him, as well, rather than improve things.
You deserve not to live with someone who has traumatised you.

I have had some, yes.

Ask yourself at what point will you allow yourself to leave - you've lived in an abusive marriage for 4 years, you've tried therapy, your feelings for him have died; why are none of those your red line?

It’s sounds horrible
for you and your children

He physically and sexually abused you. I can't imagine any circumstances in which I'd want be in the same room as someone who had done that to me for three years, let alone be married to them. I think when you say 'I've got the ick for him' what you actually mean is 'I have been traumatised by his lengthy campaign of abuse'.

I think that his previous abusive behaviour has fundamentally changed how you feel about him. If there was still love and affection there, I would say you can work on the relationship, but if you no longer feel in love with him, I'm not sure if you can get that back. I think you deserve to be happy and you need to really think about what you need and want from your life 💐