To be upset at being left out

[Lenarose]

My relationship ended a couple of years ago. We'd a group of mutual friends. I've continued to meet up with a couple of them socially whom I'm friendliest with, not with the group. They only see my ex very occasionally, with the group. I'd be much closer to these two than my ex. One of them was organising an event recently and she told me a few weeks ago I'd be invited. I never heard any more about it and haven't seen her since she first mentioned it.

Someone else who was at the event told me my ex was there.

AIBU to feel upset at being left out in the end?

I forgot to mention she's aware of how nasty my ex was to me at the end of our relationship

How did you all meet?

YANBU for being upset. These things can be tricky but you could have expected her just to be honest and say that they invited him for whatever reason and then thought it would be awkward for you.

Through a photography club. Only a few are still members now though.

If she's a usually good friend I would assume she was trying to protect you rather than exclude you.

Most casual friends go with the path of least resistance. This means they tend to avoid taking sides and socialise with whoever of the couple happens to be in front of them at the time. They don't typically sit around deciding what's fair based on who did what to whom, because often they just don't care that much. In practise this tends to result in the most assertive, present person getting the invites. So if your ex was there when it was mentioned or invited himself, its easier to go along with that and quietly not mention it to you again. It is upsetting, but unless they're real friends, that's how it goes.

Well at least you know she's not your friend.

I wouldn’t know who to invite tbh. The ideal thing would be for the organisers to put on their big girl/boy pants and tell both of you that the other will be there so you could make your own choice. Is there anyway you could speak to the organiser and ask for that to happen next time?

It’s a group I would back away from if you can’t both be around each other.

I would never invite 2 x ex's to a party just for a bit of protection really, to me it may feel awkward for one of them so would leave one off. Would probably explain this though to the one not invited. But don't spoil a friendship because of it.

Who's event was it? Are couples split to male and female camps and husband/wife over ruled.

If your ex was invited by someone else your friend may have thought it better to just forget about it rather than put you in a difficult position.

I’d go with this.

It’s reasonable to feel sad about being left out. It’s not reasonable to expect people to take sides in a split.

It's been years, why hasn't everyone moved on?

It’s been a couple of years and we don’t know the reason for the split or anything that went on during or after the split.