My Dad died

[HappyMamma2023]

My Dad died late Friday night. He was only 67, I'm early 30s. He'd been ill a long time and for the past few weeks had hospice at home carers. It hasn't sunk in yet.
It has been very stressful but I continued working FT and WFH at my parents to support. I didn't get there in time in the end but my mum and brother were there and I got there soon after and held his hand.
Dad hasnt left any info on preferences ie. burial or cremation. We are navigating planning a funeral with mum who has worn herself into the ground. Work have been understanding and said to take as much time as I need. Coincidentally our 2yo is going through a not sleeping phase. How much time off is normal? Do I get sick leave? I feel drained having worked FT, supported parents, studying a degree and a toddler. I luckily submitted uni assignment the night before Dad died. Funeral in 2 weeks. Any advice/support? Thank you

💐💐💛I'm so sorry. Look after yourself.

I was given 3 days off. :( But with hindsight should have gone off sick after that. If you need more time than u r given, go off sick.

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I am so sorry to read this. Such a difficult time saying goodbye to someone who you clearly loved very deeply. I think one way I handled it was gratitude that my dad could finally rest,stop fighting and be out of pain. My work let me have 2 weeks off fully paid which I felt was generous but I am not sure if there are hard and fast rules against this.Sorting out the funeral was very trying, so much to do when I felt least equipt to do it. We were all exhausted and fragile and yet there seemed so much to do, dealing with banks,pensions,insurance etc it was a nightmare so I feel for you. I think you all do the best you can and it will honestly be enough. Tiny steps a bit at a time really is the best that you can do and all that can be expected. Rest when you can, eat when you don't feel like it and comfort each other thats it really...As for your little one it is difficult if you are all not in a routine and dealing with obvious upset and stress,its highly likely your tot will pick up on it so plenty of cuddles,fresh air,and play.As much as you can keep to some routine it will help. Things will settle soon. I wish you and your family peace,strength and love going forward in these awful days ahead. I hope very soon you can look back and begin to treasure how lucky and blessed you were to have the dad you did and smile through the tears and celebrate the precious memories you all shared. xx

I am sorry for your loss.

Please don't feel bad about not being with your dad as he passed. You loved and supported him in life, that is enough.

I didn't take any time off when my dad passed away but with hindsight, I don't think this is the norm nor do I think it was good for me to plough on. So I would say, if you can take a few weeks off, self care is important and review life resuming only after the funeral but if you need to, take more time off....

I lost my Mum in November. Dad died years ago, I'm still off work. Tried to go back a couple of weeks ago and it was too soon. I have the kind of job where I really need to be on the ball constantly though and, very fortunately, get paid for long term leave,

I'm sorry for your loss.

When my mum died, I had to take it as sick leave. I went back after a month because I thought I was okay and wasn't really doing anything while I was off. But when I went back, I just kept falling apart. Any time anyone would ask how I was or gave me a sympathetic look, I would start crying. I wish I could tell you that you will know yourself when you are ready to go back, but it's not that simple. Even now I don't know if I went back too soon or if the distraction of work helped with getting back to "normal." Getting over a death takes a long time.

I’m sorry for your loss. Your work will have its own policy, ours is 5 days, but if you’re not ready to return then you can get signed off sick.

I took 5 days when my dad died, and so did my brother. For us, we both felt getting back into our routine would be better than sitting at home with a lot of time to think. We also knew he was dying for 9 months and although it was sudden at the end, we knew he was dying and so it wasn’t a shock. Everyone is different though, take what time you need.

So sorry for your loss, it's an absolutely agonising time. How much time you have off work, will depend on your own coping mechanism. When my DF died, I was an absolute mess. He actually died on the operating table, which was a huge shock! but I was only entitled to 3 days leave with pay. My employers were not at all sympathetic. I returned to work and should have gone sick. My DS was working for the NHS and was off for a month. Which in hindesite, so should I. When my DM died, again, unexpectedly, I was given as much time as I needed and I took it. Go sick if you need to is my advice. There is a rollercoaster of emotions to navigate and coping with work alongside that is challenging and emotionally exhausting.

I’m so sorry. Your policy will tell you - it’s probably 5 days max. You’ll need more - take it as sick leave. That’s common and what they will expect so don’t worry about it. Take care of yourself, things will take time to sink in.

I am so so sorry for your loss, my dad died 13 years ago, and I lost my mum 10 months ago. It is so hard, I have no words of advice. I am self employed and when my mum became ill I stopped taking on work. I am still nowhere near back to working as much as I did before. Please look after yourself and try and take some time off, I didn't when my dad died, he passed away 5 days before we were moving house, we had exchanged so had to carry on with it. At the time I thought I was glad of the distraction but looking back I don't know how I got through those days and got pretty ill not long afterwards, a build up of everything. Take care, sending love to you at this sad time xx

I'm sorry about your dad. I can't comment on the work side, but for your uni course please let someone know what's happened eg your personal tutor. They'll be able to put things in place for any future assignments.