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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I guess I just need kind words/reminding

3 replies

BeNimbleDenimRobin · 24/02/2025 00:50

hello all,
I guess I’ve just been thinking and reflecting tonight. I have rebuilt my life after going through hell&back and for once I’m actually at peace. I have a good family, opportunities such as a job and I drive, my own finances and independence etc, a best friend, friends and more recently, a partner. Everything feels nice and I am at peace with life & myself. However. I have been having some issues with a family member, she’s been with her DP for over a year not sure how long, and I have seen her DP’s brother’s girlfriend is pregnant and they look so so happy. She is my age, & I think to myself I will not have that. I do not want sympathy or to attention seek but even though I am with a nice man who I have an intense and real connection with, I don’t think I could trust a man enough to have a baby with. I have been through horrendous experiences that I won’t name and I am still deep down waiting for him and loved ones to run away due to experiences and abuse that date back to being a child. I have huge abandonment issues mixed with disgusting experiences of the world & I can’t believe I have came so far in life to feel at peace. It’s something I never would of expected but there’s always a pang like why other women and not me? It’s the same with an old friend of mine- she’s been with her boyfriend years and they go on holidays , moved in together etc.
i just feel everyone has their life together with pregnancies, engagement etc and here’s little old me- trying to open myself up to men when deep down I feel emotionally unavailable. I do have strong feelings for my boyfriend & feel he’s very handsome, lovely, he is so good to me and gives me stuff that’s very authentic and from the heart but if he walked away tomorrow I would survive and think- another one bites the dust. Whereas before I would be in bits and not wanna live.
i guess what I’m trying to say is, I am happy with life but I feel it’s always really just going to be the same- me being a floater background character to people while the real people they want and lovely milestones happen to them I just fill in the gaps. I want these things for myself and there is so much more to life but I don’t know- I always feel a sad pang when I see these pregnancy announcements & these beautiful women having it all when I know that deep down I am damaged goods & a very misunderstood person. I’ve been hurt so much and I just hope that I find my way soon and people stop leaving me:( I guess I just need some affirmative words/advice/ a real look at the situation
thanks if you read until the end xx

OP posts:
MissHollysDolly · 24/02/2025 06:42

OP it sounds like you have been through a lot, and also have the sort of life that a lot of people would really envy. Sounds like you have built a life to be proud of. X

Devilsmommy · 24/02/2025 07:01

Firstly, never ever call yourself damaged goods. You've been through hell and got to the other side. You're a survivor and an inspiration to other women who haven't got to that point yet. It's understandable that you are feeling the way you do. Being at peace after all the shit is amazing, I know. Do you want a family with this partner or are you happy to stay as you are. Maybe talking to a counsellor could help you change how you feel being a background character. Really happy for you for surviving your hell😊

BeNimbleDenimRobin · 24/02/2025 09:47

Thank you all❤️❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:
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