Is it possible to report a concern ANONOMOUSLY to child safeguarding?

[hayley90schick]

This!
The reason I'd want to keep my name out of it is because the boy involved is one of my son's best friends and I know the family.
The little boy in question (aged 8) seems ravenous and acts like he's starving whenever he comes over to ours. Usually a couple of times a week. I've been getting concerned about his apparent hunger as he acts like he hasn't eaten for days. First question he asks whenever he's at our house is "please can I have something to eat?". I usually give him a light snack like cereal bar or banana and some juice but then he starts saying "I need more".
Today he found a box of my son's Maltesers (birthday gift last week) open on the coffee table and started shovelling handfuls of them into his mouth without even asking my son or I if he can have any.
He then asked "what can I have next?" I asked why he was so hungry (it was 4pm) and he said because he'd had no breakfast and no lunch. I asked why not, and he said his mum "couldn't be bothered" with it.
I don't feel confortable to bring this up with his mum but I'm really worried about this little boy. He doesn't look underweight or malnourished but I'm just concerned that he's so ravenous and spends his time at our house trying to eat as much as possible.
Should i report to child safeguarding or speak to someone at school? Would it be investigated? And could I keep my name out of it?

Yes I'm sure most parents have come across the child who wants to eat anything and everything. But that doesn't mean there aren't occasions when there's something more unpleasant going on. Surely it's far better to flag a concern with school safeguarding than assume it's just a greedy child?

I was anonymously reported to SS for not feeding my children!

The social worker told us who the referrer was, despite them wanting to stay anonymous.

The social worker also told off the referrer for not addressing this with ME first, and for the use of resources wasted over what were clearly healthy children.

Not sure if it's relevant but the referrer's children where all overweight, so think she saw my healthy weight children and decided they looked "seriously underweight" - her words.

On a separate note - my 8 year old girl eats like a horse, she literally never stops eating, she's incredibly active. She has a perfectly healthy BMI and a great physique.

As the child doesn't look underweight or malnourished, I absolutely would speak to the mother first. Bringing a whole heap of stress from SS over what could just be an active boy with a healthy appetite is really not ok. It takes resources away from those children who are actually being neglected or abused.

That sounds like a very irresponsible social worker

A member of the public can report anonymously - you are expected to give your details so SS can contact you eg if they have questions about what you've shared, but it's clearly recorded on the referrals that it's anonymous and your name cannot be shared with the family.

The issue is, depending on what you share there may be a good chance they'll guess? Eg if he only goes to one or two friends houses they'll have a good idea who it could be.

If he's not underweight or malnourished looking, and he has no other concerning behaviours I'm not really sure this is a safeguarding issue?

My seven year old is ridiculously slim (although not underweight). He easily eats more than any of my other children and is ravenous once he gets in from school. Eats the equivalent of another lunch and will still eat a full dinner plus snacks and supper before bed.

He's not starved or underfed, he's an active healthy child who just uses up a lot of fuel.

Speaking as a school DSL, I would want a parent to report this. And I would keep the source of information anonymous.

But from the information here, I'd have no concerns. He's not underweight, my hypothesis would be his parents don't allow eating between meals and you do, which he takes advantage of. Probably the parents get annoyed when he's home from your house because he then doesn't eat dinner well.

I'd monitor his school lunch over the next few days to make sure he's eating. If any concerns from that I'd speak to the child generally about healthy eating... What did you have for breakfast today? What was for dinner last night? Who made dinner? These sorts of questions to see if the answers raised any concerns.

I would imagine this sort of concern would just sit on file incase anything similar comes up in the future, rather than needing any action.

The only problem reporting someone you know anonymously is sooner or later they are going to confide in you that someone has reported them and you are going to have to act all dumb and innocent and lie to them knowing full well it was you. Can you keep that act going indefinitely? Far easier as it's not exactly the biggest thing to discuss, is just say to her he's starving every time he comes round and always asking for food. Has he not had any lunch? How can you not feel comfortable talking about something that basic and simple? Is she a raging ogre that beats people up or something?

I’d go to the teacher before anyone else. Just express your concerns. Teachers have so much safeguarding training these days, plus they will know the little boy. They won’t/shouldn’t comment, but will be able to note it down if it’s a real concern.

Any chance it’s Prader-Willi syndrome?

If there are no other concerns, can you not go to the mum and say “Just letting you know that Charlie said he’s not getting lunch at school - thought you’d want to know so you can address it with them.”

See how she responds - could be that he’s skipping lunch to play instead. Then monitor and let the school know if you’re still concerned.

Presumably, if the children are so close, you have a relationship with the mum?

Tell the school. If they already have concerns, it will add to the record. If not, you'll have put the child on their radar and they may just check in with him.

"Morning, Josh. Ooh you look ready for a busy day today. What did you have for breakfast today? I might try it!"

I have 'innocent" conversations with children all.the time that are actually little 'safeguarding checks'. It's just part of my job.

The school won't immediately contact SS, go in heavy handed or ignore you and think you're a busybody.

I had a parent report something to me a couple of weeks ago that her child's friend had said that concerned her. She did the right thing. And it happens more often than you'd think.

That's how safeguarding works.

If a child has been underfed for months or years they may look small ie short stature rather than thin.
I usually ask other parents if their kids are allowed to eat at mine, so I don't spoil their appetite.
I had this situation of a sibling group coming over asking to play, and it became clear they were underfed. They were always in good clean clothes.
I reported to the MASH, got no results, reported to school, they sorted it. The mum found out and got the kids to put dog doo on my doorstep. I reported that.

In an otherwise healthy and normally developed child? Do you actually know anything about Prader Willi syndrome 🙄

Try him with some veggies like crudités & hummus and see if he’s really hungry or just wants snack food.

I think the more telling thing is him saying him mum couldn’t be bothered feeding him breakfast or lunch. I would 110% report and tbh I would be fine if she knew it came from me.

I think this is a key question. You have the example of the maltezers, but does he scoff anything that isn't considered a 'treat'?. If you gave him a bowl of apples or plain bread and butter would he gorge on that? If yes then I would definitely report concerns to school.

I don't think the weight thing is necessarily an indicator. Who knows how many friends parents he is being fed by.

It's possible that he is being underfed at home and that is giving him a scarcity mindset wherever he goes and he takes the opportunity to eat as much as possible which compensates.

Equally he could very well be exaggerating his mother's neglect and just wants an excuse to stuff your son's sweets. That was rude of him potentially.

Report anonymously via the nspcc website. They will contact social services who will ring the school, gp and other services if relevant and try to get a picture of what’s going on for the boy.

Where does it say the child is healthy and developmentally normal?