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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it possible to report a concern ANONOMOUSLY to child safeguarding?

43 replies

hayley90schick · 23/02/2025 23:04

This!
The reason I'd want to keep my name out of it is because the boy involved is one of my son's best friends and I know the family.
The little boy in question (aged 8) seems ravenous and acts like he's starving whenever he comes over to ours. Usually a couple of times a week. I've been getting concerned about his apparent hunger as he acts like he hasn't eaten for days. First question he asks whenever he's at our house is "please can I have something to eat?". I usually give him a light snack like cereal bar or banana and some juice but then he starts saying "I need more".
Today he found a box of my son's Maltesers (birthday gift last week) open on the coffee table and started shovelling handfuls of them into his mouth without even asking my son or I if he can have any.
He then asked "what can I have next?" I asked why he was so hungry (it was 4pm) and he said because he'd had no breakfast and no lunch. I asked why not, and he said his mum "couldn't be bothered" with it.
I don't feel confortable to bring this up with his mum but I'm really worried about this little boy. He doesn't look underweight or malnourished but I'm just concerned that he's so ravenous and spends his time at our house trying to eat as much as possible.
Should i report to child safeguarding or speak to someone at school? Would it be investigated? And could I keep my name out of it?

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 23/02/2025 23:08

Does this happen when he’s been at school for the day? It’s a bit odd but unless you have other concerns about neglect or abuse I would be starting with a conversation with his mum and see how she responds.

Original poster
hayley90schick · 23/02/2025 23:09

Smartiepants79 · 23/02/2025 23:08

Does this happen when he’s been at school for the day? It’s a bit odd but unless you have other concerns about neglect or abuse I would be starting with a conversation with his mum and see how she responds.

It's a mixed bad really. Sometimes he comes after school (although goes home to get changed first), sometimes later in the evening about 6pm and other times mid-afternoons at weekends.

OP posts:
Dramatic · 23/02/2025 23:11

Does he look physically thin? I highly doubt a primary school is allowing a child to go without lunch.

Hedgerow2 · 23/02/2025 23:12

I'd speak to the designated safeguarding lead at school and let them know your concerns.

No point in speaking to the mum - she's hardly going to admit to not feeding him.

PeriPeriMam · 23/02/2025 23:13

He's not underweight or malnourished.......So, is it truly outside of the regular 'growing boy' that constantly hoovers up all the damn food scenario?

Dramatic · 23/02/2025 23:13

Sorry just realised you said he doesn't look underweight, in which case I'd be taking what he says with a large pinch of salt.

Kittygolightlyy · 23/02/2025 23:15

Dramatic · 23/02/2025 23:13

Sorry just realised you said he doesn't look underweight, in which case I'd be taking what he says with a large pinch of salt.

Quite

Ponoka7 · 23/02/2025 23:16

Smartiepants79 · 23/02/2025 23:08

Does this happen when he’s been at school for the day? It’s a bit odd but unless you have other concerns about neglect or abuse I would be starting with a conversation with his mum and see how she responds.

You never speak to the parent if abuse is suspected.

Children have starved to death in sight of everyone and everyone assumed that someone was doing something about it.
As said, speak to the safeguarding lead at the school. It could be medical.

Hufflemuff · 23/02/2025 23:16

I'd mention it to school safeguarding about the comments over his mum not being bothered to make breakfast and lunch. However, if he's not underweight he is probably just being greedy!

My son told the school he'd had no breakfast so he could sneak a free snack at break! I was livid! The school never bought it up with me though as i think they just accepted so many kids aren't offered breakfast nowadays. So it could be that you tell them and they don't even care.

Lavender14 · 23/02/2025 23:17

Dramatic · 23/02/2025 23:11

Does he look physically thin? I highly doubt a primary school is allowing a child to go without lunch.

Is it possible he's in receipt of free school meals/ breakfast club so eats while he's at school but when he's not at school he's not getting fed properly and therfore not visibly underweight?

I personally would be looking for any other signs of neglect op. Any smell or unclean /badly fitting/inappropriate for the weather clothes? How do the parents present when you've met them? Is it possible they're struggling financially rather than a can't be bothered attitude? Does your ds ever go to his friends house and what state is the house in and do they have food available when he's there?

Smartiepants79 · 23/02/2025 23:17

If it’s happening after school then he will definitely have had food at school.
Mum may not admit to not feeding him but her reaction would tell you a lot - defensive or ‘oh, god, I know I just cant seem to fill him up these days!’
You can report these things anonymously to something called the MASH, look it up for your area. School might also be a good place to start if your truly concerned.

StScholastica · 23/02/2025 23:18

Is he clean and otherwise looks well cared for? Because sometimes kids say all sorts.
One of mine once ate 7 free hotdogs at a school barbecue. We were mortified, it looked like she hadn't been fed for weeks (and she didn't ever get crappy hot dogs at home).

healthybychristmas · 23/02/2025 23:18

I would contact the NSPCC. I had to do that one time and it was kept completely anonymous. They will know the best route to take. It is difficult as some kids or little gannets! Other kids are hungry and it's hard to know the difference. You do have to protect him if he is hungry, though.

BlueLoris · 23/02/2025 23:18

How about raising it with school? I don’t think much can be done with anonymous referrals but school could keep an eye on him and report concerns.

FlipFlopsSpots · 23/02/2025 23:20

You can report anonymously to nspcc.

I made a new email.address to ensure anonymity, and emailed them a concern I had about a child in my DCs year.

They asked a few follow up questions and that's it.

I don't know what happened as a result of my report. Maybe not much. But at least I passed the info on. They were very responsive and kind and reassured me I'd done the right thing.

Maybe speak to nspcc.

Addeline · 23/02/2025 23:22

I would let the school safeguarding person know. I’ve been on safeguarding training at work and you are meant to report the slightest things. Because it can be easily checked out. The school should maintain your privacy.

Lemonyyy · 23/02/2025 23:22

I’d honestly start by going to school and just saying “billy came to ours last week and he said he’d not had any lunch at school, we were a bit worried he’d missed school dinner sittings, wouldn’t want anything to be missed” and then lead into the conversation from there. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be worried at all but I have an 8 year old boy at home so I’ve met a lot of them and they all would eat whatever they could get their hands on so it could just be he’s a bottomless pit?

Hedgerow2 · 23/02/2025 23:23

Smartiepants79 · 23/02/2025 23:17

If it’s happening after school then he will definitely have had food at school.
Mum may not admit to not feeding him but her reaction would tell you a lot - defensive or ‘oh, god, I know I just cant seem to fill him up these days!’
You can report these things anonymously to something called the MASH, look it up for your area. School might also be a good place to start if your truly concerned.

I really wouldn't raise it with mum first. If there is a genuine issue she might take it out on the child if she thinks he's been telling people she isn't giving him enough food.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 23/02/2025 23:24

I dunno, kids say all sorts of things. He just sounds like a growing boy who's cheeky

I was the same, now I'm overweight, so just had food issues

Unless there are other signs of neglect, like being dirty, small clothes etc, I'd just leave it and joke to his mum about how much he eats

Hedgerow2 · 23/02/2025 23:26

Addeline · 23/02/2025 23:22

I would let the school safeguarding person know. I’ve been on safeguarding training at work and you are meant to report the slightest things. Because it can be easily checked out. The school should maintain your privacy.

Yes school will record every little concern. A lot of seemingly trivial things can join together to give a more worrying bigger picture. If the child told a teacher they weren't being fed at home that would definitely be recorded.

intrepidgiraffe · 23/02/2025 23:28

You can report anonymously, but be aware that it's much less likely to go anywhere, as the parents can claim that they fell out with a neighbour etc and the report is malicious. The more detail you can give in a referral the more likely it is to be taken seriously

Franjipanl8r · 23/02/2025 23:45

My 8 year old is also ravenous after school, she’s going through a pre teen growth spurt. Trust your instincts but I wouldn’t say being hungry after school is necessarily a red flag in itself.

Hexagonsareneverround · 23/02/2025 23:48

Probably has sweet restrictions at home

JoM8 · 23/02/2025 23:51

Tell the safeguarding lead at school. It could be a tiny piece of a larger puzzle of clues. If they can't be arsed to feed him as he said it's likely teachers have noted things like no homework etc. I'm a teacher and there'll be little things like never having their reading log filled in (not that all parents who don't do this are neglectful) and more concerning stuff like dirty uniform collars, greasy hair, smells etc.

JoM8 · 23/02/2025 23:53

Hexagonsareneverround · 23/02/2025 23:48

Probably has sweet restrictions at home

There's this too. DH's friends' little one is like a gannet when we host them as they refuse to buy him fruit beyond the cheapest kinds so he'll polish a punnet of strawberries off as if starving and has done since a toddler!