6 year old DS scared of sleeping in his bedroom

[Pinkbakewell]

He is on the waiting list for an ASD assessment at present.

Such is the layout of our house, he sleeps in the attic bedroom and we are on the floor below. Obviously when we are downstairs we are two floors down from him, so it’s not ideal. But he’s always slept in there - since he was around 3 years old. Although he comes into our bed most nights (time varies - normally at some point before 5am).
We have made it nice for him - has a space and solar system theme (that he likes), has lots of familiar things in there with him.

I’m king of kicking myself that we didn’t buy the other house we were originally looking at before he was born, we chose this one instead. However, the other one had a single bedroom next door to the master bedroom - as well as the bathroom - all on the same floor. Which was the same for me growing up.

As it stands, we are in this house and no other option for now.

Any ideas on how to sort this situation out?

Swap rooms with him?

Why is he scared of sleeping in his own room? Does he tell you why he doesn’t want to sleep there?

We’d still be on separate floors though. So not sure if that would help, I guess we could try.

How quickly does he fall asleep? Id be tempted to just go and have half an hour to chill next to him while he falls asleep?

Ds is autistic too. It's hard knowing what they're scared of as they find it hard to articulate.

Can you get walkie talkie?

Mine had his baby monitor for years and years. Used to fall asleep to particular tunes. Bedtime routines and all that have been very important.

Do you have room in your bedroom to put a mattress on the floor for him? We had to do this with our DS for a bit, he did eventually end up going back to his room. I think they have development things that happen from time to time and need a bit of extra comfort/reassurance that you're close by.

My daughter watched something scary on TV (Dr Who The Weeping Angels I think it’s called) and we moved her bed into our bedroom so we could all sleep comfortably. She has since been diagnosed as ASD but at the time I just thought she was sensitive and needed to build her confidence. I didn’t force her to sleep in her own room and just took the pressure off the situation - it did take a few weeks but one day she just asked if she could move her bed back and that was that.

I'm in a similar situation with my youngest (he's autistic - only mentioning as you've mentioned waiting for an ASD assessment). I can often settle him in his own bed if he's tired enough and I stay with him until he's asleep, but he always ends up in with us. I've just come up to get ready for bed, and found him fast asleep in mine.
We keep his bedtime routine exactly the same each night, with timings so he knows exactly what to expect and when - that's definitely helped - and I don't leave him until he's asleep. We're on the same floor, which probably does help, but obvs a bit different in your circumstances. In terms of him getting into bed with you, I'm personally of the opinion that if your child needs you, they need you. My husband isn't too keen on it, but accepts it. The way I see it, he's highly unlikely to want to do this forever. Just give it some time and see how things go - it sounds like your son just needs his mum and that's ok. Probs goes against lots of stricter mum guidance though!

@MyShare He said he’s lonely, scared of being on his own and wants someone with him,

Is the issue falling asleep by himself or is it that he is worried you leave once he’s asleep or is he waking up scared?

I’m still sitting with my autistic child age eleven while he falls asleep, it’s what he needs and as annoying as it is we just have to do it. One of us is then pretty much always upstairs, even if not in his room. The payoff is that he then isn’t anxious and pretty much sleeps through the night. Pushing him to fall asleep alone just resulted in a child with poor sleep and a lot of daytime disregulation and emotional outbursts.

Does he have a light machine/projector, noise machine, cuddly toy in bed?

All things to add to the room to make him feel less scared and more relaxed.

Mine autistic son still loves his cuddlies and he's 13. My autistic students in their twenties bring them in to class too sometimes.

We stay with him until he falls asleep - we always have done. But he’s still upset and not wanting us to leave and occasionally waking up really distressed wondering where we are.

I never thought about walkie talkies - that’s a good idea for reassurance actually.

Yes he has cuddly toys, a lava lamp, tonie box that he has on every night to fall asleep to. We keep the same routine each night also.

If that's how he feels, that's how he feels. Sometimes kids make up excuses not to go to bed (my three older kids certainly did!), but it sounds like your son is worried about being on his own - and if that's how he genuinely feels, all you can do is make sure he feels safe and supported. As others have said, is there room for another bed/mattress in your room for the time being? Do you have a set bedtime routine so he knows exactly what's happening and when? It'll take some time, but you'll get through this period I'm sure x

I was an only dc...
I hated being 'lonely'.. I remember to this day bringing my dkitten home on the bus... She slept under my blankets for many years...
Any possibility of a dcat???

I would have hated being on a floor on my own as a kid. I was scared of many things though, the dark, the sound of the toilet flushing or bath running, turning off a light as I left a room.. that's not very helpful though!
ds6 is the same now, he has a camp bed in his sisters room at the moment as it was out when relatives came to stay and he was so desperate to stay in there I've just left him there. He sleeps so much better with company. Would an audio book help? A familiar one? I sleep with one of the same three or four audiobooks every night and I'm over 40 😬

We have a tonie on every night , he is an only child and we do have a cat who sometimes sleeps on his bed.
I already feel mega guilt about him being an only child, I thought that would get easier to cope with as he got older, but things like this just bring it back to the forefront.

There have been nights when he’s slept in his own bedroom all night. They are rare. But they have happened.

Apparently Alexa has a checking for monsters app. Heard about it this week. Sounds worth a try...

I find it really odd that as a society we expect our children to be happy to sleep alone. In many parts of the world the family bed continues to be the norm.

Many adults prefer to share a bed, so why do we expect kids to be okay with sleeping alone?

From an evolutionary perspective children were safer sleeping with their parents. You wouldn't leave them on their own in a nearby cave.

Personally I take the view that if my child takes comfort and security from sleeping next to me, then I'm more than happy to give them that gift. I don't want them lying there scared and alone and feeling they'll disappoint me if they come to me for comfort. I don't think that's a great message to be sending. I want them to know deep down that I'm always there for them.

I'm sure they'll naturally move to their own bed eventually and they won't still do it when they're 18. But actually, if when my child is 18 and they're going through an awful time and they want to crawl into bed for a cuddle and to talk it through, I'll be honoured to have them there.

God no don't get him that, you are confirming monsters are a thing that does need to be checked for

I agree. I often wake up with our now 8 year old next to me. I love it! They creep in whilst we're sleeping and snuggle down.

A weighted blanket may also be something to try. They help make you feel more secure and relaxed.