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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That this confused him?

33 replies

Frade · 23/02/2025 21:33

I went on a couple of dates with someone.
I wasn’t sure about him, but in person he found him interesting and kinda attractive. Messages/communication from him was utter rubbish but he was very present and good company on dates.

I called him out on the lack of messages and odd communication style in messaging and told him it’s OK if he is not interested, which he came back to saying that actually he is not feeling the spark but liked me being direct. I messaged him back saying thanks for the dates and the good company and all the best. Left a little door open but certainly indicated that I’m not interested in going any further if he is not interested.

I know it sounds odd but I think I confused him. Don’t want to go into an awful lot of details about the messages but I think he was shocked that I told him that it’s ok if he is not interested. Do people find honesty confusing nowadays?

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 23/02/2025 21:43

It sounds like he took you at your word. No confusion.

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 23/02/2025 21:45

What makes you think he’s confused?

m00rfarm · 23/02/2025 21:46

He said he was not interested. You said you were cool with that. No confusion there!

Coconutter24 · 23/02/2025 21:50

thanks for the dates and the good company and all the best.

What did he reply to that for you to think you confused him?

SarahAndQuack · 23/02/2025 21:52

I think you sound a bit confused, TBH. He's told you he's not interested but you 'left the door open'? Confused Why? He's not interested in you.

Poppyseeds79 · 23/02/2025 21:53

You said it's okay if you're not interested. He said it's okay I'm not interested...

Where's the confusion

x2boys · 23/02/2025 21:56

He sounds like he's took it at face value neither of you are that interested leave it now.

tweddler · 23/02/2025 21:57

You told him you weren't happy with his text messaging style, which will of course make him less keen - no-one likes being criticised.

But if it really was a deal-breaker for you, then of course you did the right thing.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/02/2025 22:01

He doesn’t sound confused really

CuthbertDribble · 23/02/2025 22:04

Poppyseeds79 · 23/02/2025 21:53

You said it's okay if you're not interested. He said it's okay I'm not interested...

Where's the confusion

I agree.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 23/02/2025 22:08

SarahAndQuack · 23/02/2025 21:52

I think you sound a bit confused, TBH. He's told you he's not interested but you 'left the door open'? Confused Why? He's not interested in you.

Agreed. What would he be confused about?

ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 22:11

It sounds refreshingly clear from both of you?

Your conversation about the messages gave him the green light to tell you how he really feels.

You both know where you stand now.

TheChosenTwo · 23/02/2025 22:11

I don’t think he was confused! I think you both discovered very early on that you weren’t compatible and called it quits.
Not sure why you’ve left the door open, he doesn’t sound interested at all!

CandyCane457 · 23/02/2025 22:14

You called him out for his bad communication inbetween dates and he told you it’s because he doesn’t really feel much of a spark.
I don’t see why you think he’s confused? He’s telling you he doesn’t communicate that much as he’s not too interested. No confusion.

Glorybox2025 · 23/02/2025 22:20

'I confused him with my directness' is the sort of nonsense cope my friends and I would tell ourselves in our early 20s if a man showed clear signs of not being interested but we wanted to persuade ourselves that we are too 'not like other girls' for them. Reality is he's just not into you.

gettingthehangofsewing · 23/02/2025 22:21

Do you think he got confused and said he wasn't interested because he thought you weren't interested?

I think sometimes the simplest solution is the answer. He's not interested.

letslaughitoff · 23/02/2025 22:23

Sorry op but hes not interested in you move on.
No confusion at all.

aniloD · 23/02/2025 22:41

Men do.
They (namalt) expect us to run after them

crocheteveryday · 23/02/2025 22:44

Another one who doesn't see any confusion.

I had a similar situation a few years back. Had a couple of lovely dates but barely heard from him in between. It could be days before he replied to a message. I quite liked him but got the impression he wasn't too fussed. I did what you did. Messaged and said it was ok if he wasn't interested but I'd like to know rather than just keep stringing things along if it wasn't going to go anywhere. He replied reassuring me that he was interested, he was just really busy with work and that things would get better once his current project finished... and that was the last message I ever got from him! 😂 At least your guy had the decency to be honest.

letslaughitoff · 23/02/2025 22:48

aniloD · 23/02/2025 22:41

Men do.
They (namalt) expect us to run after them

Not all men want women to run after them some just want to be left alone.

sunshineandshowers40 · 23/02/2025 22:53

If he hasn't replied he's not confused but if he has replied; what did he say- that may change my opinion!

BMW6 · 23/02/2025 22:58

Nah sorry OP but I think the confusion is entirely with you!

You didn't "spark". Too bad, move on, have a nice life etc

perfectlyimperfectt · 23/02/2025 23:05

Is the confusion in the room with us?

Quinlan · 23/02/2025 23:10

He may have found the honesty surprising rather than confusing. It certainly wouldn’t have confused him into going “eh… ok… let’s end it.” He seems pretty clear that he wasn’t interested in you. But with a lot of online dating, after a couple of dates, people do often just ghost or let is fizzle out rather than actually coming out and saying, “You don’t message much, I feel like you’re not into me and that’s ok, just let me know.” People aren’t direct; they do just go quiet, and eventually it fizzles.

He may have been surprised by the directness, but he isn’t confused by you or intrigued by you and you didn’t cause him to end it by “confusing” him. He wasn’t acting interested, you asked about it and he confirmed. No confusion, just surprised that you spoke about it head on maybe.

steff13 · 23/02/2025 23:10

perfectlyimperfectt · 23/02/2025 23:05

Is the confusion in the room with us?

To be fair, I'm a little confused as to why the OP thinks the guy is confused. 🤷‍♀️