Is it me or ?

[TheGiddyExpert]

At what point do you not bother with certain friend groups? This is with trying to communicate for over 18 months to meet up etc and they never wish any of your 3 children who they are god parents too - happy birthday? ( I appreciate everyone is busy but I just can’t be bothered anymore) our social life used to be really good but now it’s just hit and miss. We are both 39.. so maybe it sucks around this age

I can relate in every level, it sucks but I guess at some point you need to give them the energy they give you. If it’s always you initiating conversations and trying to arrange meet ups and they do nothing then I would just pull back.

If they want to be in your life and be a real friend then they’d make the effort, yes everyone is busy but it takes less than a minute to message someone you care about.

Yes! It also got to a point where there were less interactions on social media. So I decided to remove them. Told my partner and he was it might be awkward now for me. I said not really it’s only Facebook. They can still text or ring. Plus I think I’m perimenopausal .. 😂so that could be my inner hormonal demon reacting.

If you’ve removed them on social media that will definitely cause some friction in the relationship. Have they asked you why you removed them? It sounds like the relationship is over.

Not yet but I’ve said to my partner I can tell them my reasoning if they ask. I think our relationship has been over for the last 18 months, that’s how long it has been since we have seen one another, maybe longer. It’s the longest we have not seen our friends and the longest they haven’t messaged us properly.

TBH I find ‘deleting’ and ‘blocking’ on social media passive aggressive and childish, unless they are posting content which upsets you? Are they posting meetings with your close friends that you haven’t been invited to? Otherwise, IMO, it’s simply bizzare behaviour. You likely have umpteen ‘friends’ on there you would walk past in the street.

Im a little older than you. I agree there is a cycle of friends as interests and priorities change. Some circle back round, some you catch up in the aisle of the supermarket every 12 months. A very small handful (2/3 in my instance) are very close friends, but we probably meet once every 3-6 months.

I would say if they’ve noticed you social media paddy it’ll either cause them to ask you what’s happened or they’ll just carry on regardless.

They will probably carry on regardless the way our communication is these days. I think I’m just disappointed that we haven’t been able to see them or do our usual in the last 2 years and they have met with others in that time. Also to note there is no blocking involved on Facebook.

Don't worry too much about the ebb and flow of friendship. No need to "end things", remove from social media etc. Just let things lie and at some point it might resume when circumstances are different.

Maybe so. I’d like to think things will change in the near future but we will see.

People tend to go off in their own little directions in life around 30 years old and when they become parents. If your gut is telling you that you are the only one putting effort in to maintain the friendship then it's probably time to stop.

I think that is how I felt. If my partner still wants to see them that’s fine. I don’t dislike them I just feel that our friendship has gone a different way, less effort now and less communication.

I had a so called “friend” who I realised was using me last year. We used to be good friends but our values have drifted quite far apart and I questioned why I was the one pursuing a friendship with someone who no longer seemed to reciprocate and also doesn’t hold the same values as me any more. So I stopped messaging her and now I haven’t seen her for nearly a year.

my dd and her dd (both 16) are still in touch and I will also stay vaguely in contact with her as known her since she was a baby and I’m quite concerned about her welfare due to ex friends new way of life and thoughts of what is ok for a 15/16 year old to deal with.

people Change and sometimes they change too much for friendships to last.

Yeah I get that. I think it’s because we have over 10 years of friendship and all of sudden nothing. I get we grow and change, we have different values but a text would have nice once in a while. I’ve felt I’ve put myself out a lot to try and see them but nothing. I’m always open to seeing them but I think my inner hormonal demon decided that I can’t be friends with them online as I feel things are being thrown in my face with other people. That’s ok but don’t rub it in.

I Found in my mid thirties some of my friendships changed. People were too busy to prioritise their time in my direction. A few of these were fairly new friendships through baby groups. I let those go, stayed friendly but stopped trying to make something that wasn't there. It also happened with a couple of older friends, I took a step back and stopped being the instigator, I found that one of the friends stepped up and started making an effort. I didn't do what she use to do - not commit/cancel plans. I, I would meet if I could but I didn't prioritise her over other plans as I might have in the past. we have become closer again which is lovely and feels more equal again. I think she got busy and took me for granted.