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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for help to understand her

3 replies

User888899 · 23/02/2025 17:50

My dd from about the age of 11 was binge eating and by binge eating I mean packets of chocolate biscuits etc so large volumes. As she got older she would buy and plan whe she was going to binge multiple packs of sweets. I did take her to a psychiatrist they said she didn’t have an eating disorder I believe mainly because she didn’t purge and was a healthy weight. Fast forward to sixteen she starts self harming in another way though admits she did this to gain attention I fully supported her took her to camhs she was put on antidepressants as she was having angry outbursts and low mood periods. Then by 18 she was discharged from other services but came to me once believing she had been part of a violent crime (she hadn’t) that had happened in our town, at the this point she was also keeping receipts etc to prove she hadn’t shoplifted. She then got into the habit of a more dangerous form of self harming. This was often triggered by something eg a conflict. She was then diagnosed with eupd. After this she still suffers with being in public fears she’s harmed people or done something wrong, will take pictures of breakables eg mirrors in shops to prove she didn’t do anything. The mental health team have refused to look into anything else when dd fully opened up but to me it feels like she might have more going on. Would appreciate advice please

OP posts:
CuckooclockTicTok · 23/02/2025 17:58

Mh services are so over stretched - unless she is actively suicidal / totally psychotic you are unlikely to get support.

not right but it is as it is with the government we have

beg borrow or steal to pay to see a private psychiatrist for a full diagnosis to help you to know what us going on.

pay for private psychotherapy as needed. Waiting on nhs will take forever and usually they offer 6 sessions of cbt and not s lot more. Not helpful if a longer term condition.

it is not right - but the system is totally broken and there is so much stigma with a eupd (BPD) you will be lucky to get anything in the nhs as so often it is still seen as untreatable (not true - but takes s lot of time / resources they don’t have)

DBT is very very good if it is eupd she has and will give her lots of coping skills but I would want a full assessment to see if anything more is going on.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 23/02/2025 18:44

Agree that waiting lists are bloody long and aside from meds, you're on your own

I had the binge eating thing too (well have but I'm working hard) - is she autistic?

Autism is often misdiagnosed and has a different approach

Eupd - her traumatic experiences have caused her struggles
Autism and other things - her struggles have caused her traumatic experiences

That's in a nutshell, though, I'm not a doctor, no matter how much greys anatomy I've watched

Best thing you can do is opt for stability, imo. Have you sorted benefits and finances out? Got a safe place in your home/her home? Able to establish a routine? Okay so she's probably not working but maybe a routine for the week which allows her to get fresh air (Ie, going out at 9am on weekdays to avoid school kids and loads of people)

You mention the binge eating - is she obese? If so I'd recommend getting her on the NHS waiting list for weight loss surgery

Sorry I don't have an answer but just becoming stable would be my first goal xx

Endofyear · 23/02/2025 20:14

It sounds like your daughter is suffering intrusive thoughts, has her psychiatrist mentioned OCD? I have a friend who is diagnosed with this and has intrusive thoughts that she's harmed people or done bad things. It's very debilitating and OCD can manifest in many ways, not just the stereotypical cleaning or checking. Can you pay for a private consultation with a specialist? It doesn't sound like she is getting enough support from the mental health team 😔

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