To think there’s overlap between overprotective, abusive and narcissistic parents?

[GlobuleBrent]

If you drew a Venn Diagram, there’d be a huge overlap between the 3 circles?

Yes, absolutely. Obviously the three things don’t always overlap but they certainly can and do in some cases.

I can think of someone I know in real life whose mother definitely fitted into all three categories.

Thanks for responding

yes mine did too

Yes, SIL is all three

YANBU

Being overprotective is often about control, and controlling people are often abusive and narcissistic.

I wonder seriously if that person was me !!!

Thanks everyone who’s contributed to this thread. I’m glad it’s not only me that’s seen this.

I’ve been doing some research into what’s meant by overprotected etc and even skimmed through some academic papers on the subject.

In one particular academic paper I skimmed through - when it was describing the research involved and interactions between parents and children it kept on repeating the line

“…and the parents weren’t being abusive OR overprotective..”

they repeated this line many times that it occurred to me that trained psychologists who specialise in this particular field see ‘over protective’ and ‘abusive’ as two sides of the same coin. Maybe the behaviour and effects of the behaviour are very similar

I would make a slight tweak and use the word controlling instead of over protective.
Over protective mothers generally seem to have been victims of trauma themselves and are anxiously trying to avoid their kids going through the same.

Thank you - I re read your post just now svd j totally get and agree with what you’re saying

I'm glad you said that because I was going to say somthing similar

I am over protective. I still let my children experience new things ( for example my DD is autistic and really enjoys playing out with her friend, I absolutely hate it I am filled with anxiety, but I use life360 to track her whereabouts..... and I'll take my dog for a walk and discreetly check up on her )

Lots of other examples but it doesn't come from a place of being horrible. I'm always frightened somthing bad will happen.

Would your children see it that way now or when they are grown?

Meaning in general, How many people on here or just in normal life complain their parents are like this but do the same or as harmful things themselves to their own children?

I think over protective is often used in error and we actually mean protective. Protective of your children to me would fall within the normal boundaries and over protective would be extreme.

While I agree there is an overlap, you may see overlap with survivors of abuse, certain mental health conditions, people who were under protected as a child and potentially saw the pitfalls of too much freedom etc. Certainly not a one size fits all.

I think over protective is often used in error and we actually mean protective. Protective of your children to me would fall within the normal boundaries and over protective would be extreme. I agree with this. People say 'over-protective' on many threads on here, where what is under discussion is a parenting choice in the normal range.

Yes agreed

Yeah actually. That would sum up my mother. Of course, she wasn’t protective over me and my siblings for our sake but her own. It was (is) a form of control to keep us worried about her and being worried about upsetting her. Took having my own children when I was in my early twenties to realise how damaging it is to keep your children in a constant state of anxiety and fear.