To not know what to do with an 11 year old

[Enderwhere]

I feel like suddenly I've been thrown into a whole different area of parenting and I have no idea what to do with anything.
He doesn't want to do anything with me or his younger brother, doesn't want to go out, moans if I make him leave the house, kicked off and wouldn't join in with his football club today, just wants to sit on the Xbox all day. If he's not on the Xbox he's causing chaos we live in a flat so not lots of space and it's intense. He doesn't seem to be able to concentrate enough to do much without getting bored and giving up
He's also recently being so so moody and entitled.
i can't get him to go to sleep because he's not doing any physical activities he's not tired enough to sleep- I used to just be able to take him to the play park for a run around but he's too old for that now and finds it boring.
he has, adhd and asd which maybe makes things a little different, he can't go off out with friends etc on his own just yet

I have no idea what to do, I feel like we need a bit of a routine and a lot less screen time but no idea how to implement it without him acting like I'm trying to ruin his life

Really tricky. Do any of his friends live nearby - convince him to go and kick a ball around with them? It’s a hard in betweeny age really. You might have to go all in taking him out for day trips etc even if jea
reluctant, hopefully once he realises they’re fun/interesting the reluctance will wane? Hope someone more helpful will come along soon!

I went through this exact thing with mine - asd/adhd. a tough time but it does get (a little) better. One thing I did was work on connection, so for eg if all he wants to do is Xbox, then ask if you can play with him, or if he watches YouTube no matter how rubbish you find it show interest and watch it with him. That was the only thing really we could do to keep any kind of relationship with him. We do “game nights” where we get a load of popcorn/crisps and drinks and all play the Xbox together. It’s torture for me but literally the kids love it and it means the children play together too. As long as the connection is there, I feel then the next stage is to work on convincing them out the door. But during the time all we did was argue about it he got lonelier and more distant. Once said ok, let’s meet him where he is, it got easier. Dunno if that helps?

Would he go for a bike ride or learn to use a skateboard? Any after school sports clubs he could join?

I agree it’s the sedentary behaviour and lack of fresh air that’s a nightmare, but so hard to get them out and about.

My dd has a 50 mins of walking to and from school which is so helpful.

You're not going to solve this unless you can stop worrying so much about whether he "acts like you're ruining his life" when you're really not. Kids will do that sometimes. Set a limit on Xbox use, get him out and about and doing some exercise and a variety of activities, ignore any whining. Don't teach him that all he has to do is act a bit grumpy and you'll back down. You're in charge. Throw in some chores too.

My mum very cleverly suggested mine give up YouTube before 4.30 each for Lent, which we have kept going. Then, after school we can do something else other than they get in and go straight on devices. Sorry this is a bit late for you! (We're not religious but it came up at school).

I think it's ok to say you're going to trial this for a month, and then try to get them out and active in the time after school they'd usually be on devices, and go out as much as possible at the weekend.

I've also said they must do at least one after school club per term.

Sometimes "because I said so" has its place!