Stepson (17) using drugs in my home – WWYD?

[lilywaif]

NC for this as it’s quite sensitive.

DH and I have been together for 6 years, married for 3. He has two DSs (17 & 19) from his previous marriage, and we also have a DD (2) together. The boys stay with us EOW and some holidays.

I recently found evidence that DSS17 has been smoking weed in our home. I went into the spare room (which he uses when he’s here) to put away some laundry and was hit with the smell. Found a grinder and some leftover bits in a drawer. I was absolutely fuming. We have a toddler in the house, and aside from the legal side of things, I just don’t want drugs anywhere near my home.

DH is being frustratingly blasé about it. He reckons “it’s just weed” and “all teenagers try it.” I get that, but I feel there’s a huge difference between experimenting out with mates and bringing it into my home, where we have a young child. I told him we need to set clear boundaries, but he’s acting like I’m making a huge deal out of nothing.

AIBU to be really upset about this? And how do I handle it when DH is so relaxed about it? Part of me thinks we should sit DSS17 down and make it clear it’s not acceptable, but if DH won’t back me up, I feel like the Wicked Stepmother.

WWYD?

YANBU. You need a conversation with DH to state that this is a boundary of yours that you are not willing to give way on. Say that you will both sit down with DSS to make clear he will NOT use drugs in YOUR home.

YANBU.

You have a toddler in your home. He is overstepping the mark.

Choosing to take drugs in one thing but to bring into your home is another.
Your husband should be speaking to him about bringing them to your home.

I'd be upset about smoking in the house where there are children

Agree that all kids try it but would just say he can't smoke or keep any weed or grinders etc in the house, but that outside of the home, he is almost an adult

I understand wanting dh to support you but I'd even say it myself. I'd be kind and understanding and not angry, but would state clearly that it has to go as he needs to think of his younger sister x

Thank you, that’s exactly how I feel. I get that teenagers experiment, but bringing it into my home - where we have a toddler! - is a complete no. I feel like DH is just avoiding confrontation and hoping it’ll go away, but that’s not good enough.

I don’t want to be the only one laying down the law here, though. It’s his son, and he should be the one making it clear that this isn’t acceptable. I just don’t know how to get through to DH when he thinks I’m overreacting.

My son started smoking weed, the smell would make me nauseous. I completely banned it in the house and garden because of the smell.

I believe he used to leave it wrapped up in plastic and placed under some stairs going down to the stream near our street.

You won't be able to stop him.smoking it but you can stop him bringing it into your house.

Your DH should not be putting this on you and you being the ‘bad cop’