For not letting 16 yr olds girlfriend stay round?

[themiffy]

DS is 16, gf is 17 and they’ve been together for 5 months so naturally very loved up and inseparable.
the first time I let her stay over I was explicit that she was in his room and he stayed in the spare room. Inevitably he ended up in her room so I said no more ‘sleepovers’
the requests to stay over are incessant - all sorts of reasons and excuses.
his main argument is that they want to be together- and I am apparently completely unreasonable for facilitating their 24 hour togetherness.
obviously I remember what it was like to want to spend every moment with my boyfriend but at 16 I think it’s ok to not practically live together.
He does stay round at her dads with her, which I’m not that happy about either.
he has told me that all of friends are allowed to have gfs to stay, but in my circle of friends this has never happened at that age.
I don’t mind the odd night, but if he had his way it would 3 /4 nights at her dads and the rest of the time at mine.
Is it me? And I just an old fuddy duddy?

Just tell him their houses, their rules but Your house, Your rules.

Just as when in later life he has his own home he will get to set the rules that He is comfortable with.

It's too bad.

Set a tripwire in the hall at night that triggers a siren, a lightshow and "let's get it on" by Marvin gaye when he next tries to tiptoe to her room

That should put her off staying 👍

He is 16 he doesn't need to have her stay over. It's not healthy to be in each other's pockets all the time. If they think the relationship is going to last they have all the time in the world to stay over when older. Me and DH never stayed at each other houses ever. We have been together since 16. Your house rules just say no end of.

It’s your house and your rules.
My parents refused to let my Ex-H stay, or spend any time at home so we didn’t. His parents were more flexible so we stayed at his and I moved in with him not long after. Don't regret that as we had a marriage, kids and 20 years together. I think now my parents rules were more about losing control, you could have different reasons.

So when my DS wanted his girlfriend to stay over I had the conversation about safe sex (which he hated every second of), then had the view that I’d rather they were both safe in my house and I knew where they were. They had separate rooms and respected that, mostly. But sometimes they cuddled together in the morning.

At that age they’re going to have sex. If you don’t want them to in your house that’s your choice. But it’ll happen anyway, you can’t control that.

If they are going to have sex, they’ll have it anyway. I think I’d do the talk, let her stay over in a separate room, but have the talk/ let ds know where he can find a supply a condoms.

I might compromise. They’re having sex so where is almost irrelevant.

maybe say she can stay once a week or something. That way he’s getting what he wants, but it’s not like her moving in.

Your house your rules. However I would consider relaxing it a little. My 17yo DD has her boyfriend staying over. We had a conversation about respectful behaviour, safe sex etc and I made it clear it shouldn’t be all the time, that they both need space from each other. She also has to ask permission each time, she can’t just expect him to stay over whenever. In reality it’s about 1-2 nights a week now.

My 15 year old son has his 16 year old gf stay over, occasionally. They have been together 8 months and are head over heels. She wasn’t allowed to stay before she turned 16. She is only allowed to stay if her mum agrees, and they are being careful. My son has a supply of condoms and she is also on the pill. They will do what they want to do anyway, but this way I know they are safe and not trying to
get “cosy” in a public place. His gf also lives a 45 minute motorway drive away, so it’s not as simple as living within walking distance. I’m not overly happy with the idea, but her mum agreed before we did.

DS was never allowed his girlfriend to stay over and I allowed or turned a blind eye to a load of other stuff. I agree it’s not healthy to be in each others pockets and playing house all the time, nothing to do with stopping them having sex, I am not that naive. Girlfriends should be a small part of their lives in amongst school work, hobbies and just going out and having a laugh with their mates.

Oh actually the poster above has reminded me: when we moved 2 hours away when he was 17 his girlfriend was allowed to stay, but DS was in the living room and she was in his room and he knew what a light sleeper I am. But this was every couple of months for a night and was caused by us moving away.

At that age I wouldn’t be encouraging them to basically live together at each other’s houses. My DS was 18 and at uni before he had his first GF so didn’t have this, just had her visit a few days each holiday which is fine. DD is 17 next month and no sign of a bf but i’d be doing the same as you OP, and I’d be encouraging DC to spend time with their friends still too

Nah.

I would happily have her around for dinner/ visits etc but staying over would be a no.

only do what you’re comfortable with OP and don’t bow down to peer pressure.