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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

At breaking point with my sons controlling dad

5 replies

Leabee1234 · 23/02/2025 11:25

So. To cut story short I was with my sons dad before I was pregnant and when I got pregnant he cheated and left me.for his ex who then had a baby with him not long after me. I have healed from this now and they split a while ago and they have loads of issues and he's currently fighting in court for contact and she's also accused him of all sorts of abuse

I have allowed my sons dad to see him since he was born but he feelclike he is constantly trying to control me. I have been doing supervised contact which is due to end next momth and he has been all over me trying to kiss tpuch even when I say no- I told him that is assault he said no it isn't as he was just being friendly. He constsntly questions me asks me where I am or who I'm with and then yesterday he turned up early for his contact however I was at the gym and I told him he is early and needs to wait . He turned up to my.gym as he said he didn't believe me and then said come outside and then deleted his messages as I said your stalking me. He constsntly asks us to be a family again I say no. All I want is for him.to be a dad to our child but he's more interested in me than our son it seems and I'm getting to the end of my tether with it. From next month I said I want a routine every other weekend atleast which he is saying he don't think he can do and asking if he can just see him at mine- 4 nights a momth how is that too much to ask?! I said I'm refusing to do it anymore it's not fair on me and I don't want to speak to him. He basically said he will always be a big part of my life and I will always have to deal with him
My son is 2 in a few months and I want to move on and be happy and hopefully eventually date again when I'm ready. But find it impossible with him and if I ever did try to move on I know he'd try to cause issues. The nerve after him leaving me for another woman when pregnant and getting her pregnant! The weekend just gone I completely snapped and told him to leave my house as he makes me feel uncomfortable and I had enough of being interrogated and made to feel.lile that. I just want a routine and my son to go with his dad on his contact time and then minimum contact with him. But now he's even trying to say he won't do every other weekend because he clearly wants to continue to control me and doesn't want me to have no life of my own. I really really don't like him but have been civil.for my son. How do I stop him trying to control me as I have had enough! I am sitting here crying as i feel trapped and I just want him out of my life - yes he can be a dad but I don't want anything to do with him

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 23/02/2025 11:30

Do you have a CAO in place? This gives you some control over decisions like being able to go on holiday etc without permission from him assuming he is in the BC.

See a solicitor on that.

Second point, boundaries. He is not allowed in your house.

Lastly, grey rock, look it up, it's a technique I have used before, do not respond to anything unless it's about your child and only if it's logistics about access.

You need to become boring to him,

Hadalifeonce · 23/02/2025 11:31

You need to go to court to get fixed access arrangements. You need to stop allowing him into your house. Do not have any contact unless it is about your child. Block him on your phone, advise him that any communication must be via email, even set up an email address specifically for that.

BMW6 · 23/02/2025 11:38

Tell him you will never allow admittance into your home again. You will never have any kind of relationship with him - he can have a relationship with his son but nothing with you.

If he persists tell him this is harassment and you will contact the Police for advice - and do so.

He sounds threatening. Take it seriously.

username299 · 23/02/2025 11:43

He sounds fixated which is a really bad sign. You need to get in contact with a domestic abuse organisation because he is harassing you.

I would get legal advice on child contact, you can call Rights of Women who give free legal advice.

The way forward IMO is to secure your home, get a video doorbell. Download a co-parenting app and block him on all other forms of contact including social media.

Do not let him in your house. I would refuse to be alone with him, see if you can drop your child with a third party or arrange pick ups in a crowded place. Ideally you want to go through court but you need legal advice.

I would tell him via text that you don't want him to come back to your home or turn up at work or other places like the gym. If he does you'll report him to the police.

Keep a diary of his behaviour and don't hesitate to call the police if you feel threatened or he doesn't leave you alone.

Leabee1234 · 23/02/2025 20:33

Thank you. It looks like this might end in court because he doesn't know any boundaries and constantly trying to control

OP posts:
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