To ask if there's others here who it didn't get better for and who are still struggling?

[Goodnurseorgremlin]

My husband walked out on me and our baby twins five years ago now.

I see so often on MN people being told life will improve, you'll look back and see it as a blessing, better things are to come etc etc. I totally get these things are said to encourage people but does anyone else feel like it sometimes just isn't true?

Five years down the line I am still 100% single. I have zero spare time to dare and don't want to be dragging strangers into my DC life anyway. It doesn't mean I'm not cripplingly lonely. I live in a HA home which needs updating. I can't afford to buy anywhere alone despite working two jobs. I have hardly any social life. I'm also one of those people who has really bad luck. Even other people comment about how bad my luck is. I'm at the point now where I don't even expect anything nice to even happen for me.

Am I the only one? Or are there others out there who would happily drive into a wall if not for their DC?

I’m so sorry you are struggling. Having pre school twins is a relentless grind and although I was married when I went through it H was working long hours and away a lot. Everything you describe resonates with my experience. DT are now 15. That part really does get better even though where you are now is unbelievably relentless and draining. Sending a hand hold.

I get what you mean but you have infant twins! Honestly I don’t think anyone would expect that five years after being left with baby twins live would be all
sunshine and roses again.

That you haven’t found happiness within five years doesn’t mean you never will. Nice things don’t tend to just ‘happen’ to people. They happen because people make them happen but that’s going to be more difficult for you while your children are young. It’s not forever.

I had built a beautiful life from an abusive and terrible childhood. I was so happy and confident and successful. I submitted nyp hd at 44 and went into psychosis at 44. things have only got worse and worse and I have a lot of terribel illnesses now too. I havent worked for nine years.

My ex husband also walked out on our baby twins and older child about a similar time ago - sadly it’s very common with multiples - he doesn’t see them or pay CMS for them either but that’s another story! . I’m also 100% single zero spare time and work full time in a demanding career - I regularly joke there must be a voodoo doll with my name on it as what ever could go wrong in my life seems to happen!

I’ve realised acceptance is key - I’ve accepted this is my “lot” so I try to make the best of it - take each day at a time and celebrate when that day is drama free, celebrate the little wins no matter how small! One of my twins was dangerously ill about a year ago and since then I’ve embraced this life for what it is - a gift.

I don’t have family nearby and friends are thin on the ground - divorce seems to have that effect on people that you become very isolated very quickly.

I have found cheap/free hobbies for the kids which gives me some adult interaction with other parents even if it’s fairly surface based small talk and I try and get the kids to all bday party invites for the same reason

Would I drive into a wall if they weren’t here - if I lost them to a terrible accident then yes probably - the loneliness is breathtakingly crippling at times x

Apologies @LucyLoo1972 but your post is stuffed with acronyms to the point it’s unreadable

What is “nyp hd”… is this huntingdon’s disease?

oh so sorry - typo. I meant my PhD thesis

I couldnt spot any more acronyms in their though? if there are let me know

It's fine, it was just a typo and makes sense now. It wasn't really 'unreadable' tbh! So sorry to hear that things have been so hard for you.

OP, yes. I was widowed a decade ago. To the outside world, I have rebuilt my life. I'm remarried, had another child, have a great job now, etc.

I'm still stuck struggling with PTSD after what happened, and have developed massive anxiety around health. I'm not exactly grieving my first husband still, I'm just really upset and disconcerted by it still (he died of an aggressive brain tumour), and it goes in phases. I'm not sure I'll ever be 'over it'. Been to therapy a few times, including EMDR.

I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling. I think that's very understandable.