Generational wealth differences

[KeenGreen]

My first AIBU so let’s see what I’m in for!

First to make clear none of the problems now are the fault of previous generations. It is not a blame game!!

So AIBU to be frustrated with the rhetoric that todays generations of young families have it no harder than previous generations in terms of wealth and they just need to be more frugal to have the same standard of living??

I am sick of hearing the idea that older generations. So called boomers (for the record I don’t like this term) didn’t have it easier than younger generations.

I am 38 I have worked since I was 16, lived independently since 17. Put myself through university all the way through to PhD. My husband is 39 works in a school as support staff (LSA) and takes up circa £1200 a month. He has a degree.
I work in a university and earn just under £50K before tax so our household income is probably about £65K not the lowest by any stretch but enough for us to struggle to balance costs. We claim child benefit but otherwise no extra help.
Husband only works term time of course, but that means he’s around for our child during holidays.

We have one DC age 5, and can’t afford any more.
Our closest family lives over 2 hours away, so we have no family support with childcare or help if there is a sick day or anything.

We have a mortgaged small semi detached 1930s house with 3 bedrooms, It needs a lot of work but we haven’t been able to do much because of time and money. Current mortgage fix ends in 2026 and I expect our mortgage repayments to go up by about 50% extra £300 a month.

We pay off student loans and my pension contributions are also high.
I took only 6 months maternity leave because I couldn’t afford to go to half pay for long and not into no pay at all.

My husband had virtually nothing in his workplace pension because of low earnings.
Mine is keep being devalued because of sector changes and it’s definitely not the best pension in education. (Teachers pensions are better).
I can’t even imagine what it will be like to try and live off my workplace pension alone and I would have to go all the way up to retirement age which I can’t imagine myself doing in a stressful job.

Retirement age for us is currently 68, that means we have 30 more years.
But with the way things are going I have no hope that there will be a state pension at all for us, or the age will be pushed even higher, so will probably be dead! Despite the fact I will have been paying in with tax national insurance for 50 plus years by that point.

I just feel frustrated about this idea that I hear people say that our generation just needs to work harder, or get better paid jobs etc because it’s not that easy. We both work hard in the education sector. Enjoy our jobs for the most part and find them fulfilling albeit stressful at times!

Like I said not about blaming previous generations for the picture we are in, but I don’t like the rhetoric of ‘well interest rates went up to 15% in my day’ etc when house prices were so much lower in proportion to wages and the cost of living right now and inflation over the last 10 years shows wages haven’t increased in line with this.

ps I know we are not the most hard done by! But still feel the pinch and we certain don’t live an extravagant lifestyle!

Yes my bad, I interpret their lack of putting their kids first as hate, but essentially it's just selfishness

Crossed with my last reply saying similar.

Thank you for this, I appreciate what you’re saying and how you’re saying it also.

Yes of course it is frustrating at times, I wish things were different, I imagine sometimes if he was earning even £25K how much easier things would be.

But this wishing doesn’t change anything, the fact is that prior to his current role (he’s had for 10 years now) he was working in fast food, the job he had while studying and never left or moved on from. In those early days I was extremely frustrated, he was miserable depressed, but refused to apply for anything believing he was truly not worthy of it.
It took so much support and encouragement, and be basically writing applications for him.
The his current job came up in the school I was working in (during my masters) and I got him in it.

I since left and pursed my career. He is still there, the children, staff and parents love him. He has purpose and value and thrives.

But he is stuck in that position, and cannot see an option beyond it.

Aside from forcing his hand what would the option be? Leave him? Financially would be way worse off, also of course I have no desire to break up an otherwise happy marriage and family.

I have a friend separated from her DH for about a year he’s a teacher she earns a good wage (similar to mine) and yet they are still living together and can’t afford to divorce! Their joint income is way higher than ours.

Actually you have reminded me- when I was really small my parents took into students into our spare room (well my room- I moved in with my sibling) to raise extra money. Childcare was later au pairs so effectively they picked us up from school for food and board.

I have boomer parents and I find this thread getting quite nasty

They certainly are not selfish

I don't expect them to impoverish themselves to favor me

If you are as obnoxious as you come across here , it will just be that your parents see you as greedy as self centred and want as little to do with you as possible - nothing to do with boomers and everything to do with you

everyone is feeling the pinch regarding the cost of living crisis…..nobody’s money is going as far as it did a few years ago.
what the OP fails to grasp is that they are actually in a much better position than many others…….they can improve their living situation significantly by the husband increasing his earnings, as he has the power to. A lot of other parents, both working, might not be able to increase their family’s total income by much so are very much caught in a trap. The OPs husband can look for jobs that will increase his pay be a good 5-6 times what’s he’s being paid now. Others at the top of their earnings peak do not have the luxury of doing so.
I’m also not sure why the OP, stating that this thread is to do with them feeling “poorer” than a few years ago, assuming due to costs of living crisis…..titled it “generational wealth” ?

But in another post where someone was saying how they were helping children with driving lessons, university cost, weddings etc you criticised them for not realising that children want to be rewarded for own efforts not reliant of bank of mum and dad? This was in your response to @Zanzara ’s post.
so if you don’t help you are selfish, but if you do you that’s also wrong..

This, really

According to the last census single occupancy has gone up on average 10% in the last 10 years. This is the problem no one discusses - under occupancy of existing housing stock. Unfortunately ridiculously high service charges on apartments and retirement homes hardly encourages down sizing. Not to mention the high levels of relationship breakdowns resulting in families needing 2 homes instead of one. My parents lived with my grandparents for 5 years before buying their own home
Hardly easy.

Yes I suppose that is realistic that we wouldn’t be in a position to gift a deposit like others might.

I worry because it seems like it’s the expectation in society that this is the case. Parents help out.

I hope we can at least help him through education and offer a space for him to be to build up his own deposit and so on.

Because it is about how older generations frequently talk about this generation like we are all lazy and don’t realise how good we have it etc

it is frustrating and inaccurate to hear that message consistently. That’s the whole point, but it has got twisted and turned along the 30 odd pages of this thread

I think your generation did work hard and I'm not saying otherwise, but so do we.

No, OP.

So do you.

Because the boomers don't want their pensions to be mean tested or pay Capital Gains on unearned wealth. This would be a fairer distribution of wealth that didn't just result in people being being reliant on inheritance for the outcomes in life. Stop nit picking all my reponses and make a contribution of your own.

Don’t worry there’ll be no state pension in a few years. The writing’s on the wall for it now.

I KNOW

But not until the boomers bleed us dry

It’s not nit picking to expose the massive contradiction in your responses!

This is what the thread is actually about though not generational wealth.
if your DH could earn 45K not 15K then you would be in a completely different position.
Has he thought about ESA?
It might be worth pursuing a diagnosis given his issues are so severe.

You are incorrect.
You give your children education and emotional support so they can achieve.
The boomers lacked this in spades...and then give handouts

Your OP seems to have an awful lot of sway in this marriage, OP.

Do you get to have an opinion?

But in most ways we do have it easier. Aside from property costs, our minimum standard of living is completely different to 40 years ago. I agree they often don’t understand the pressure of housing these days but as my FIL likes to say, the could afford their house but couldn’t afford anything else.

differences from now to 40 years ago
-holidays now expected. People complain about peak/off peak prices but pretty much non one went away in the 1980s except for camping.
-flexible working. My mum missed so many performances at my school as they would not let her leave early
-extensive/varied childcare (albeit expensive but it exists)
-maternity pay/rights.
-cars that are reliable and don’t break down every 10 mins
-warmer homes (ok utilities costs more but honestly I grew up with single glazing and there was ice inside my windows in the mornings!)
-greater entertainment opportunities.
-coffee culture (how did we manage before?)
-internet - info at our fingertips
-smartphones- ability to communicate easier - not reliant on one phone in the house
-white goods cheap as chips - look how much a video recorder costs in early 80s!

I honestly think my life is a whole lot easier than my mum had it in the 1990s. I have a bigger mortgage but I was able to fix for 10 years. Much hard to do that in the 80s so had much greater risk of interest rates going up. A lot of people lost their homes in the 90s recession.

They crippled their kids, told them its their fault and then told them to be grateful for the handouts

we have an aging population who are a massive burden. They need to acknowledge this and pass some of their wealth on.

How are they a burden at the moment if they are wealthy ? And how does passing on some of their wealth help when they are most likely of an age when, instead of passing it on, it would be better retained to pay for care should they need it - not to mention that those privately funding care are subsidising those who haven’t bothered to provide for themselves. Or that giving their wealth away at this point would most likely be seen as deprivation of assets to avoid care fees ?

I assumed we wouldn’t be entitled to anything even if he had his diagnosis. But will have a look thank you.

Well really I was making a point about generational wealth differences broadly but was giving my details as examples, but it got twisted I guess to specifically our situation.

But I feel that the point stands that I feel this generation and subsequent generations are ‘worse off’. For all the many reasons listed that impact not just me but countless other families.

So according to you we are damned whatever we do, and we are all just BAD!!

And my kids are doing very well in their chosen careers, thanks, and don't need any help from me nowadays.(Largely because we instilled in them a good work ethic, good resilience and moral values). I give it anyway. 💕

I am incorrect that you contradicting yourself…bizarre.
so Boomers didn’t give their children an education and the necessary emotional support to achieve…? And your evidence for this is?
i