Generational wealth differences

[KeenGreen]

My first AIBU so let’s see what I’m in for!

First to make clear none of the problems now are the fault of previous generations. It is not a blame game!!

So AIBU to be frustrated with the rhetoric that todays generations of young families have it no harder than previous generations in terms of wealth and they just need to be more frugal to have the same standard of living??

I am sick of hearing the idea that older generations. So called boomers (for the record I don’t like this term) didn’t have it easier than younger generations.

I am 38 I have worked since I was 16, lived independently since 17. Put myself through university all the way through to PhD. My husband is 39 works in a school as support staff (LSA) and takes up circa £1200 a month. He has a degree.
I work in a university and earn just under £50K before tax so our household income is probably about £65K not the lowest by any stretch but enough for us to struggle to balance costs. We claim child benefit but otherwise no extra help.
Husband only works term time of course, but that means he’s around for our child during holidays.

We have one DC age 5, and can’t afford any more.
Our closest family lives over 2 hours away, so we have no family support with childcare or help if there is a sick day or anything.

We have a mortgaged small semi detached 1930s house with 3 bedrooms, It needs a lot of work but we haven’t been able to do much because of time and money. Current mortgage fix ends in 2026 and I expect our mortgage repayments to go up by about 50% extra £300 a month.

We pay off student loans and my pension contributions are also high.
I took only 6 months maternity leave because I couldn’t afford to go to half pay for long and not into no pay at all.

My husband had virtually nothing in his workplace pension because of low earnings.
Mine is keep being devalued because of sector changes and it’s definitely not the best pension in education. (Teachers pensions are better).
I can’t even imagine what it will be like to try and live off my workplace pension alone and I would have to go all the way up to retirement age which I can’t imagine myself doing in a stressful job.

Retirement age for us is currently 68, that means we have 30 more years.
But with the way things are going I have no hope that there will be a state pension at all for us, or the age will be pushed even higher, so will probably be dead! Despite the fact I will have been paying in with tax national insurance for 50 plus years by that point.

I just feel frustrated about this idea that I hear people say that our generation just needs to work harder, or get better paid jobs etc because it’s not that easy. We both work hard in the education sector. Enjoy our jobs for the most part and find them fulfilling albeit stressful at times!

Like I said not about blaming previous generations for the picture we are in, but I don’t like the rhetoric of ‘well interest rates went up to 15% in my day’ etc when house prices were so much lower in proportion to wages and the cost of living right now and inflation over the last 10 years shows wages haven’t increased in line with this.

ps I know we are not the most hard done by! But still feel the pinch and we certain don’t live an extravagant lifestyle!

Not on MN they don't, they are mostly lazy arses who perhaps do about 4 hours on a Saturday at the most while their parents whine on here about it.

This is a fair point to some extent.

He is not good with DIY mind

However he takes care of the garden and housework.

But in terms of renovations, it’s tricky for us to do it when we had a small child, last summer being 4 around.
When he was on his own, he is looking after him and can’t juggle major DIY as well. Find it pretty challenging when only one parent is in the house to juggle childcare and renovations.
We have done painting etc and we prioritised replacing the boiler when we moved in.
Being an older house it needs replastering in several rooms but can’t afford it!

Having a house is going to become more expensive in major hubs around the world. It's not just the UK.

There are plenty of cheaper dwellings in the UK but few people, likely because of access to transport to jobs, want to move into.

We need to stop blaming past working class generations for the wealth they have today because they worked for it, and blame governments incapable of investing billions to make it attractive for workers to go move into "less desirable areas"

I'm a boomer. Late parents born mid 1930, they lived with maternal GPS for some years, apparently I slept in the bottom drawer of the chest of drawers. They were given social housing, which they subsequently bought. My late DM always worked, when they bought the house,df had degeneration of spine, she worked ft then till midnight in a pub, cleaning jobs. I married in 1970,yup pregnant, moved to London where ex H worked,3 rooms share a bathroom. Then we had to move to live above the shop ex H managed. Burglary , shop closed, homeless, authority not interested. Both a caravan, cold metal box. He lost his job at one point, didn't tell me, and it took me 6 months to get up to date with the loan on the caravan.Staying 5 years. Did nursing training 1972. Worked round ex H,him nights, me days. Sold caravan that was the deposit for the unmodernised Victorian 2 up 2 down . Maternity leave was 6 weeks after birth. Saved enough money so I could have 3 months off. You had to accrue maternity leave/pay in the 70s/80s. I worked PT so It was 5 years till I had second DC,we moved from Surrey to Sussex to afford a modest 3 bed mid terrace ex social house, (16% mortgage rate)and 3rd Dc. Occasional camping holiday. I didn't have a washing machine till I had 2 DKs, I had a mangle, nappies cleaned in a boiling bucket on the gas hob.. ex H lost his self employed business, tried to kill me for insurance. House re possessed (I had a very well paid office job at this point, unusual one) boss came to my home, said I couldn't come back they didn't want the embarrassment. Second DH mortgage for him, I had a ccj,he got maid redundant 5 times in 8 years. We always bought doer uppers. Sold our tiny cottage when the kids all started their own family and downsized to a 2 bedroom bungalow. Last holiday we had was almost 17 years ago. I watch the elderly neighbours die,young couples moving in, house completely renovated, couple of cars,new furniture and white goods delivered,a couple of kids later, holidays abroad. This wasn't my world.

They were extremely socially mobile - came from poverty (in Dad’s case) or lower working class (Mum’s case) and moved up to solidly middle class with lots of home comforts, travel multiple times a year and a “comfortable” retirement.

Mum always said her generation was blessed: no war, no national service, free education for the few who qualified, house prices reasonable in relation to earnings, opportunities to retire early, social mobility.

Her grandchildren are early twenties and their outlook is so much grimmer.

There are so many variables.

Your husbands wage is low, but he's happy there, so you just need to cut your cloth accordingly.

I know people who earn far less than me but have an arguably better standard of living.

Because it's all about choices.

The people I'm talking about work in minimum wage jobs in retail, but they choose to live in a much cheaper area. They then either have a pretty decent sized house in a cheap area, or they have a nice big flat which is cheaper because they have no garden.

They don't work long hours and they don't need to use much paid childcare as they often work alternating shifts across a 7 day week. They are careful with what they spend and meal plan and cook from scratch etc.

They go on lots of cheap and cheerful camping holidays and plan fun, low cost free activities outdoor with the kids, and they host lots of play dates with school friends .

My comparison, I work long hours in a stressful job. I earn much more, but pay a huge amount of money for a pretty small house in an expensive area with good schools.

I don't have time to cook and waste huge amounts of money on takeaways and top up shops. My kids are at a good school but I barely have time to help them with homework etc and I only have the energy to take them to softplay (expensive) rather than plan fun outdoor or cultural activities.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother, but I've built this life and it's hard to change it.

What I'm trying to say is, you need to adjust your expectations and work with what you have.

I think this is part of the problem though. The divide between those with help and those without is vast. It's very hard to forge ahead when you're competing against those with gifted deposit or no nursery fees for example.

My point being that the boomers bashing might be because the biggest cost to us is the state pension. We are giving money away to people who don't need it. This means less services for schools etc. Not to mention the financial burden of the old on the NHS. They should be made to pay

But in terms of renovations, it’s tricky for us to do it when we had a small child, last summer being 4 around.

DH fitted a kitchen in our house when DS was 5, it's easily manageable, just a bit inconvenient.

Why don't you downsize to something more manageable and put the spare cash into other investments? No use in a spare bedroom if you're not enjoying the house.
But really, he should be able to achieve a reasonable amount with a single 4/5yo. I refitted all our upstairs doors and frames last year with a 2 and 4yo about.

This is a good summary, and fair

We try to live within our means for sure.

camping is our go to holiday. My son doesn’t have a passport we’ve never taken him abroad.
Last time we went abroad was 2015. Nearly 10 years ago, it was the second time of going abroad in my adult life.
We have one trip a year which is camping.

Is that you Kim Leadbitter?

You think pensions are paid for by the young? Are you talking about state or private pensions? I don’t understand your logic? If you are pensionable age you will have been paying into one or both for years.

All this help they give you , which you have to so grateful for. Its probably all your money ...paid in taxes ...for their pensions

We need to stop blaming past working class generations for the wealth they have today because they worked for it,

They didn't though.

Think logically about it

The state pension is now 11.5k a year so 29 yrs of that is 230k. To pay that in taxes you would need to earn 55k for 20 years which isn't the average wage. We have not even accounted for NHS costs and education plus policing etc.

It's a numbers game, today's pensioners are supported by younger workers but because contrary to what many believe young people are not having loads of babies we are in trouble. Our demographics are flipping.

And that's before you look at how mortgage lending changed and housing price inflation.

Your DH enjoys his job and it isn’t stressful.
That is very very rare and comes at a cost.
Anyone I know earning a decent salary cannot say the same. So you’ve made this decision as a family and financially it is a hit but you (or rather he) have something most people don’t have. I’m older than you but we both worked stressful jobs that required us to be out of the house 7am-7pm 46 weeks of the year. We spent a LOT on childcare including school iholiday cover. We earned a lot and our pensions grew. You have a lot less stress and childcare costs and that is your choice (and a good one if you can live with the consequences).

Mike and the Mechanics.

Yay, finally someone gets it

I think this is unfair.

We have worked hard to do the ‘right’ thing.

I’ve never said boomers are selfish, we haven’t had help from our parents for a variety of reasons. But I don’t blame them for that I have no expectation of it.

I admit to feeling envious of those that have childcare help and financial support but there isn’t an expectation of it.

My whole thing is to point out things feel tough at times, and some people act like it isn’t and are dismissive of the struggles and juggles of being a young family today.

You think pensions are paid for by the young? Are you talking about state or private pensions?

State pensions are paid by workers, there is no pot and even if there was the vast majority would not have paid enough in

Why do people think state pension age has moved out and may move out further when healthy life expectancy hasn't changed?

A 30s semi was probably not the best choice for short of money/DIY challenged, some of our rooms could have probably done with re plastering, we didn't strip the hallway wallpaper for this reason as it was sound, just painted over it, it looks fine, though would probably not stand up to a MN 'Decoration' thread photo.

I don't think it was that easy for my parents or in laws at the same stage of life.

Neither could ever manage on one wage. While my mum might have been seen as a SAHM it didn't show the cleaning shifts she did at 6am or the Saturdays in a shop.

We didn't go out for meals, never stayed in a hotel, never went abroad. We did a lot of camping and entertainment was there's a field or a swing. Not a hundred pounds day out. We loved it though.

They are better off now as paid off mortgages etc but my MIL regularly talks of how delighted she was to win a prize in a Christmas raffle because she couldn't afford anything for the boys' Christmas and it was an ideal gift when she'd been worrying. She was delighted when they could do the tatties holiday work to buy the trainers they wanted as she couldn't.

Yes housing accounts for a fair chunk of difference but I do think people underestimate just how much extra 'stuff' we all do now or that is seen as normal which wasn't a generation back.

I think I'm really lucky to have access to cheap premier inns or caravan holidays to take my kids to things. They get more than we did even though we are also low budget.

And one day I'll have paid off the mortgage and have access to more money (hopefully).

You have a fair point OP and I'm not disagreeing with you.

However, you are living a '1950s' lifestyle in 2025. By that I mean your husband is doing the equivalent of a stay at home mum, in the 1950s and 60s, who perhaps earned a little money doing very part time work.

You're the main breadwinner.

You're both 'over educated' for what you're earning.

So, you could be 'accused' of making poor choices because your education (which has cost you) hasn't given you the kind of income that would make life easier. A lot of people do a PhD for 'interest' and it doesn't always translate into a 6-figure income. That's fine - but accept the choices you made.

One of the things we made very clear to our adult children was to consider the earning power of their degrees and choose wisely.

It may sound harsh but your husband needs to 'man up'. He's not contributing much to the family finances and ok, he does chores and childcare, but that doesn't put food on the table, does it?

Correct.

We’ve become a nanny state, where no one takes responsibilty for their own life choices, and just want everything handed to them, blaming previous generations

This doesn't make sense when the biggest benefit paid out is state pensions & when you see the average cost of NHS spending on someone under 50 vs over 60. Now I believe in looking after older people hence why I
don't crow about the nanny state 🙄