To think it's weird he is including me in his invitation to DD...

[Pleasepleaseplease000]

DD (12) refuses to see her Dad - hasn't seen him on her own for 12 months. Reasons of loosing his temper Infront of her, she says she is frightened.

Backstory of emotional abusive marriage - I have facilitated contact for the last year between them.

Currently going through court as he wants court to make an order she has to see him.

He messages her regularly asking "do you and Mum want to do X". Could be dinner at Grandma's, afternoon out, etc...

He thinks he should be invited to my plans and regularly messages me saying this.

Do you think this is acceptable that he is including me on the invitation? Surely he should just be inviting her....

If she’s frightened I would not let her go alone maybe if you can tag along and if he does anything horrible tell him he is scaring her and you’re not willing to put up with that again. She should have rights at her age.

It's simply to maintain a level of control over you. Hes trying to keep his foot in the door. Just don't pay him any attention whatsoever. Also, don't force your dd to see him. She's 12 and has an opinion which a court will take into consideration.

If the court is made aware that your daughter is frightened of her father, then I wouldn't have thought they would agree an order to make her see him at her age. It also sounds to me like he's trying to manipulate you into going along with her, and wants to go out with you, if you take your DD anywhere. From what you've said about it having been an emotionally abusive marriage, I would neither be encouraging your DD to see him, nor going out with him or inviting him to join you and your DD. You separated for a reason OP, don't let him continue to manipulate you.

fuck him! No way! He has to make his own way.

I think it’s a good idea. He’s aware she won’t see him alone, he wants a relationship , he knows she feels safer with you there and he’s trying to facilitate a way to see her without making her uncomfortable

She won't see him alone so what is he supposed to do. Surely the middle ground is inviting you.
I don't know him though, he could have ulterior motives or he could just want to see his dd.
Would she not even meet him at grandparents?

She doesn't want to meet at grandparents as things have been said about Dad feels so sad and messages about how she should be seeing him.

I think the fact I feel uncomfortable seeing him as it isn't good for my metal health. I am trying to weigh up that with if its good for DD to see him.
She is begining to say she won't see him even if I'm there.

Tell the court that she is scared and doesn’t want to see him. no point forcing her that’s abuse in itself. They might get a advocate to speak to her without you to make sure it’s not you speaking for her.
why do men put there kids through this shit. Not saying all men but so many on here are either cowards or bullies. I know women do it too before you get angry at my post.

Do Why Does he Have The Right To make OP uncomfortable?

Stupid caps

I agree, but everyone is trying to weigh whether this man has any rights at all to contact with his daughter, which is not something you rule out lightly, and the daughter being with a safe person in this contact seemed sensible.

However, seeing OP's updates revealing the cost to her mental health of facilitating DD's visits, when it seems DD is increasingly reluctant to actually have contact, I don't think you should do anything to go out of your way, op.. Put yourself and your daughter first and be passive. If he wants to try to find a mutually suitable contact arrangement without your involvement let him come up with it.

I wouldn't because she doesn't want to see him, she has good reason to not want to see him and if you facilitate this you are teaching her to accept poor treatment from others. Plus you don't owe him anything, he treated you badly why would you put osrlf in a position to do that. I'd email him explain dd doesn’t want to see him, list the behaviours on his part and explain you are blocking him on phones due to continual harassment. And that email is only contact going forward. Then block him on your phone.

Obviously court will make the decision but I assume given her age she will have a voice.

Just to add you could suggest (if dd is amenable) a contact centre with a professional supervising.

You are joking! The OP has managed to escape an abusive relationship with this man. Why the hell should she spend time with him.

Contact should only happen if it’s in the best interests of the child and in this case it is not.

make sure court are fully aware of her feelings. The court may want to hear from her directly.

at age 12 court will take her feelings and opinions into account and this might be the best way to get this resolved once and for all.

good luck