To think people need to read the room more.

[Inbedwithted]

I have a very close friend who like me is a single mum however we have lots of differences; she has a HUGE 2 bed council house hige garden, I have a flat (I actually love my flat))
she has a child’s dad who pays £400 a month maintenance
I have. Child’s dad who pays £0 maintenance
she has a dsy every weekend off
ny child’s dad hasn’t seen his child in about 8 months.
she also has family who will do the other weekend night so she is free
I have zero family support.

this is just for context not to judge
but she constants puts uo status after status on how hard being s single mum is.
she rang yesterday crying as her child’s dad is on holiday for 3 weeks so won’t have his children (her parents are going to cover his nights and weekend) but it’s unfair as she couldn’t just go on holiday
zhes always saying how shit it is that her house is far away yet doesn’t work or anything to get a new job .

im just so fed up with supporting or trying to offer support to someone who’s in such s better position. I know this sounds jealous and there is of course stuff I wish I had like some support but it’s the fact it feels almost insulting to be moaning to me.

im actually content with my life and have made peace.
this isn’t even just status and a few comments this is her ringing sending messages to me in private plus group chats I am in and I want to scream how lucky she is and to be greatful

I know it’s not a race to the bottom and honestly I really am happy in my little life but it just makes me feel like I shouldn’t be.

Aibu to feel how I feel or does it hurt when people don’t read the room

YANBU.

I have a friend like this and it drives me a bit insane, but over the years I've come to treat it with a lot of sympathy because I think it actually comes from a place of real disappointment in her own life. It doesn't make it right to be so unable to read a room, but it does make it more tolerable!

I think there are a lot of people like this, people just want to use you to moan at without thinking about your life.
i had a friend who constantly moaned about lack of support and how she couldn’t get away without her children (I think this was a hint for me to take them).
however her and husband went out quite a lot and had been away numerous times alone because she had a single friend she dumped them on.
i also had no support and DH and i have never been away alone. She wanted constant sympathy about it though.

Is it a lack of empathy for your situation, do you think?

I’m not sure tbh I don’t think I have the headspace for someone’s drama and she is one of those people where everything is a drama

I had a cousin like this. We both bought our first house at about the same time. I bought mine via a mortgage, entirely on my own and was excited at the prospect of having my own home. It was hard financially for the first few years so I had to furnish it with second hand/refurbished stuff. I accepted this as a short term situation knowing that I would buy new at a later date. My cousin didn't have a mortgage as her parents bought her house for cash and she paid them back interest free. They also furnished it for her with everything brand new. My cousin moaned endlessly about how "stressful" the whole process was which left me baffled. She's always had a good relationship with her parents who have always been supportive of her. But she's never really appreciated just how lucky she has been relative to others.

Everything is relative though.

I think you can say thingsto her which ight give her pause for thought while sstill being supportive. "Yeah, it is hard, whether we get maintenance from the dador not, it's hard." "Holiday? Would you really want to leave child for a week? I'd hate it but I can't do it anyway!" "Ues, it WOULD be nice tohave a night off once a week.I'd miss it if I was used tohavong it. Mind you, I'm broke so couldn't afford to go out; it would make a difference if only ex gave me a little money..." And so on.

Still being supportive, reminding her thatnot everyone gets what she does.

YANBU she sounds horrendous and very thoughtless.

Step back a bit if it's getting you down, but to be honest, I'd view it as a sign that you have different levels of resistance to difficult times. There is many reasons this could be, but one is that you simply find yourselves in the position you are in. You deal with what you are given.

She needs to vent to function at the level of difficulty she is facing at the moment. If you were in what was generally considered a "favourable situation" this may bother you less, but if you are close she probably feels safe to moan around you, whatever your circumstance .

One of my good friends is undergoing chemio and has all sorts of medical issues.
While I would never monopolise the conversation with my worries, I still talk to her about my day to day things, that are obviously less significant, but she's still my friend and is happy to chat about my life too.

We have had a argument as the other day she was saying she felt suicidal and my child had a sickness but so I mentioned to to a friend with the words "I have to tell you as this to too much pressure for me to deal with" and she says j have exploited her vulnerability which maybe I have but I just mentally could not deal with it anymore. Thank uou for all the responses and in hindsight I should communicate better just I have no idea how to say to someone saying they will kill themselvws this is too much right now. I feel awful as she maybe suicidal and we were friends from nursery but sometimes people drift apart