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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I have insulted DH's financial acumen

6 replies

Yatzydog · 22/02/2025 19:08

DH hates his job and wants to leave. He has been offered a new job. He is a chef. We live in europe.

Anyway, present job pays monthly salary and paid holiday. Previous job paid hourly and 13% extra instead of paid holidays (meaning) extra pay every month while working, but zero while on holiday.

We had a "conversation" in the pub. I got out the calculator (phone) to compare hourly rate between the two jobs regarding holiday pay, and said if offerered the new job he should get at least x monies per hour. (Not including inflation - too complicated, which btw had been over 10% for nearly 2 years since he left previous job.)

He was not happy. Apparently this was not helpful and very distrustful of his negiogating abilities. He says he could walk into new job and not be paid less. I said how without knowing figures? And it just escalated.

Really fucking pisses me off as I hold all the financies together. He just works and pays some bills and thinks that's enough.

I am being unreasonable to expect that he might have been accepting of a suggested hourly rate (for our family)? (Gratitude may have been too much for his ego and maths.)

OP posts:
Yatzydog · 22/02/2025 19:12

I am answering my own post but I am down the pub (DH has fucked off).

Am i being unreasonable doing maths for my husband - who prefers gut instinct?

OP posts:
Hollowvoice · 22/02/2025 19:18

I don't see how gut instinct trumps actual maths.
I assume he feels he doesn't need your help to get a good rate for the new job but I don't think you are unreasonable for trying to help work out what that rate is.

RickiRaccoon · 22/02/2025 19:22

You weren't unreasonable. He does need to know the exact figures to negotiate. I'd have no idea how the rates compare without working it out.

Hankunamatata · 22/02/2025 19:30

Did he take holidays though in the job that paid extra? Dh was in same sort paid job and was then super reluctant to take time off and felt he couldn't relax on holiday as he wasn't being paid. He was much happier moving to role with proper paid holidays

Yatzydog · 22/02/2025 19:40

Dh was in same sort paid job and was then super reluctant to take time off and felt he couldn't relax on holiday as he wasn't being paid.

This came up as well. DD is 13, I am a teacher, but prior to his present job, DH never took full holidays. If he did take 2 or 3 weeks in the summer, he (we) would be down. So shit. I don't want to go back to that. This needs to be discussed in his interview because summer will be their busy time. But no, he'll have it under control, until the summer comes and he has to work.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 22/02/2025 19:49

Am i being unreasonable doing maths for my husband - who prefers gut instinct?

I recognise this from my DH's approach to life. It really is at best unhelpful and even well ....

Sorry you are going through this, no advice but solidarity

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