Dds(11) older friend(16)

[fredisnothere]

DD is 11 and in Y7. She has made friends with a girl in year 11 who is 16 and does the same sport as her out of school(an unusual sport, for girls at least), a teacher apprently made the link and introduced them, they have now spent a few breaks together and been texting each other.
I’ve never met her and know nothing else about her.
She's asked dd if she wants to go out with her tomorrow (lunch shopping) , DD asked DH who automatically said yes, he thinks we let her go out with Y7 friends and if anything she’s safer with a 16 year old.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this? I'm trying to hold myself back from saying I don't think she should but it just seems weird that a 16 year old would want to spend time with an 11 year old even if they do the same sport, they're at very different points in their lives socially.

I haven’t read the thread, but my Y8 daughter has a friend in Y11. They met through their sport outside of school, and go to different schools, so their year groups weren’t particularly significant. They probably became good friends when DD was in Y5 so she would have been Y8? My daughter is pretty mature - by which I mean sensible, practical, filled with common sense, not that she’s interested in boys etc, as she isn’t. The Y11 friend has been late to develop & quite young for her age. They actually went to town together last weekend, and have had sleepovers etc. we were commenting on how weird it is that the Y11 friend is actually only one year younger than my DD1 and will be at college with her next year, when she’s always been friends with DD2. So… from my experience it’s been a really nice friendship for DD2 & no concerns.

A 12 and 15 year old is different to a 11 and 16 year old. A year or two is huge at that age.

Alright?

I would want to meet her. She might be really lovely but I would want to check.

This is one of the unnatural things about schools - the age segregation. We home schooled one of our kids and in home school groups there were lots of mixed age friendships, it was really beneficial in that the older ones would take the younger ones under their wing.

Just re-read & saw that a teacher at school made the link between the girls, not that they do the sport together outside of school & have bonded that way.
That puts a different spin on it.
Not sure how I'd feel about that the fact the teacher put them together, is the older girl lacking friends her own age maybe?
I'd definitely have the girl over if you decide to go with the friendship. See how that goes.

It would be a no from me.

A 16yo is like an adult compared to an 11yo. I wouldn't like the power imbalance and a 1-1 friendship at that age is very unusual.

My 10yo has older friends, met through sport, but wouldn't hang out 1-1 together. That is a very different thing. A group setting/ mentor type friendship is one thing, but going on trips out just them? No way.

I'm going to let her go this time at least so I can go and meet this girl when I drop her off. I've put a 2 hour limit when I need to pick dd up.

That sounds like a good idea, best of luck hope it goes well.
I know someone on here said that me having a 12 year old who is good friends with a bunch of 15 year olds is vastly different to 11 & 16 (is your daughter 12 this year? Has the other girl recently turned 16 or is she 17 this year?). But I see it as a good friendship group, they met & bonded through sport & socialise a lot outside of the sport on weekends etc (they're not at the same schools). It's been nothing but positive for me & these girls have been a good influence on my daughter & look out for her.
So totally depends on the kid imo.
You can get a feel for her by meeting her & also maybe hosting her in the future if it goes well.
Let us know how it goes!