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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend insinuating I’ve “neglected” her since I’ve been pregnant

8 replies

Hellskitchen24 · 22/02/2025 17:58

We definitely used to be closer, but it’s true there has been less contact since I became pregnant. Previously it was always me texting her usually once a week or so, even if it’s just sending a video etc and very rarely her texting me. I stopped texting as much as obviously I’ve got a lot going on; difficult pregnancy (currently in my third trimester & heavily pregnant), full time work, getting stuff ready for the baby etc.

I also don’t see her as much as a lot of our relationship was based about booze; she’s a much heavier drinker than me, but seeing her would almost always revolve around drinking. I obviously haven’t drank for a long time now and don’t intend to go back to it post baby as I realise what a waste of time and money it is. So we don’t have that in common now.

Anyway I got a long ranting text out of the blue after several weeks about how I make no effort now, that I have no consideration for what she’s going through (ongoing personal issues that I have supported her through) and various other things. Didn’t once ask how I was. It’s funny because I feel the exact same way but the other way around! I don’t want to lose the friendship but equally I can’t quite fathom why she expects the same level of attentiveness when my situation isn’t the same now. She lives an hour drive from me and never offers to meet in the middle. AIBU?

OP posts:
FranticHare · 22/02/2025 18:05

Could have typed your message out word for word. My friend did not get that once my eldest arrived I didn’t want to go and stay at hers for a weekend drinking, away from my 2 month old baby. The fact I was also breastfeeding passed her by.

We were no longer friends by the time my second arrived.

Was a shame, but she was always quite a selfish person, and just didn’t understand my change in priorities.

Some friends come and go, it doesn’t make them (or you) bad people. It’s just part of life. Your friend sounds like one who will go.

Hellskitchen24 · 22/02/2025 18:10

FranticHare · 22/02/2025 18:05

Could have typed your message out word for word. My friend did not get that once my eldest arrived I didn’t want to go and stay at hers for a weekend drinking, away from my 2 month old baby. The fact I was also breastfeeding passed her by.

We were no longer friends by the time my second arrived.

Was a shame, but she was always quite a selfish person, and just didn’t understand my change in priorities.

Some friends come and go, it doesn’t make them (or you) bad people. It’s just part of life. Your friend sounds like one who will go.

Yep, this exactly! It has made me realise how much the relationship was about booze, and now that’s not a factor and won’t ever be a factor, I’m apparently neglectful. All I’ve done is support her through her “issues” (ongoing before my pregnancy) and I’m honestly a bit tired of it.

OP posts:
FranticHare · 22/02/2025 18:14

New people will take her place. Ones with more in common with your new chapter in your life. It’s sad, but part of life!

AlertCat · 22/02/2025 18:29

Tell her exactly what you put here- ask why she doesn’t make more of an effort.

Hellskitchen24 · 22/02/2025 18:57

AlertCat · 22/02/2025 18:29

Tell her exactly what you put here- ask why she doesn’t make more of an effort.

I’m not sure it’s worth it. Early on in my pregnancy she went mad when I text her I had a difficult week as my car had issues and cost me a fortune. She said how dare I say what a bad week I have had given everything she was going through. She has an uncanny ability to make everything about herself unfortunately.

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 22/02/2025 18:59

Time to cut this frenemy loose OP 👍 congrats on your pregnancy.

AlertCat · 22/02/2025 22:04

@Hellskitchen24 in that case is the friendship worth pursuing?

Pessismistic · 22/02/2025 22:11

The fact she ranted at you shows you how needy she is. Please don’t reply leave her to get on with it. Your new baby is your priority also sounds like she never asks about you. She should have been happy for you.

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