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Original poster

Concerns regarding teacher behaviour

52 replies

Mumzy42 · 22/02/2025 15:09

Hi, need advice.
My son received a letter from a girl in school asking to meet her etc, my concern is,in the letter she states a teacher told her his name, his age 16, (the girl is 13 btw) and 'SHOWED HER' what he looks like which she thinks was weird.
My son is infact almost 18 and the teacher as a member of the school would know he is in his final year.
My concern is why is a teacher engaging in a conversation with a 13 yr girl about a near 18 yr old boy and showing her what my son looks like?
Clearly this girl doesnt know him as her letter states the teacher told me about you and showed me what you look like?
When bringing to the head teachers attention the matter has been investigated and the said teacher denies doing this and the girl didnt mean anything by it, and as the girl changed her story in which room the conversation with said teacher happened they were not taking this any further, even though this girl states it was a video of my son playing football with this teacher as they did play in the same team for a while.
So clearly this did infact happen but as teacher has denied school are accepting this.
Do I take this further?
Or am I being over protective? My biggest concern here is the girl is only 13 why was a teacher encouraging her to persue him knowing fine well he is almost 18 and not 16 like he told the girl.
A few more facts....
The teacher is not young so should know better age mid 40s.
We know of him out with hos teaching assistant role and he has passed several comments of pupils in his care being under social services or neglected at home so I know first hand how unprofessional he can be and had texts to prove this sort of communitation.
Any advice greatly received.
I am not happy with the head teachers response and i am considering going to the education authority or wherever I need to go.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Endofyear · 22/02/2025 15:58

Do teenagers really write letters to each other these days? I'd be incredibly surprised if there's not more to this than meets the eye. Why on earth would this teacher be showing a 13 year old pictures of your almost 18 year old son?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/02/2025 15:59

Teenagers don't write letters to boys/girls they fancy these days! They look them up on social media and contact them there.

TheignT · 22/02/2025 16:01

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 15:23

Your almost 18 year old has been inappropriately chatting with a 13 year old OP is what i reckon is the case

and then he made her make up a lie to make it look like he had no idea what was going on

only he’s not the brightest, and it’s backfired

Well that is just your fantasy isn't it.

BlueSilverCats · 22/02/2025 16:13

So let's get this straight...

A teacher was showing a female student (13) a video of him and your son playing football. She asked about your son and the teacher pointed him out in school and gave the girl his name.

Then the girl somehow found out his actual address and sent him some kind of letter . You're not very clear on the content on the letter. A letter that your son received and showed you .

During the investigation there were some inconsistencies with the girl's version of the story?

Then some other stuff that I don't quite get the gist of, except he's unprofessional?

BornSandyDevotional · 22/02/2025 16:21

Endofyear · 22/02/2025 15:58

Do teenagers really write letters to each other these days? I'd be incredibly surprised if there's not more to this than meets the eye. Why on earth would this teacher be showing a 13 year old pictures of your almost 18 year old son?

Both my boys have had a couple of sweet letters given to them by nervous girls at school. Typically in the same year, though. The eldest and his best mate used to get them from younger girls in 6th form. They even got a piece of very elaborate fan fiction once! This does read like a girl with a crush has done likewise and is embarrassed enough to come up with an implausible excuse. But then we don't know how the letter arrived or the recipient reacted. If he spoke to her, I imagined she'd be mortified and potentially could make something up!

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 16:23

TheignT · 22/02/2025 16:01

Well that is just your fantasy isn't it.

Show quote history

Fantasy that an almost 18 year old man may have been having inappropriate chats with a 13 year old? No

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 16:24

What 13 year old would ask a teacher about a boy she had a crush on?

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 16:25

So atm the teacher is denying
the 13 year old girl is saying she lied

so… all eyes are turning to your son op?

BornSandyDevotional · 22/02/2025 16:28

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 16:24

What 13 year old would ask a teacher about a boy she had a crush on?

Well, quite. It's pretty easy to find out another pupil's name and the girl would surely know he's in 6th form? That much is pretty obvious anywhere.

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 16:30

BornSandyDevotional · 22/02/2025 16:28

Well, quite. It's pretty easy to find out another pupil's name and the girl would surely know he's in 6th form? That much is pretty obvious anywhere.

Show quote history

Exactly

AlohaRose · 22/02/2025 20:17

I'd be far more concerned about your son's behaviour here than the teacher! Your son's version of events sounds like a load of BS.

SometimesCalmPerson · 22/02/2025 20:29

Sounds like a young girl with a crush who is lying to get herself attention. I wouldn’t believe anything she’s saying. There might be some truth in her seeing a video of older children playing a sport at school, but I doubt it was specifically about showing this child your son.

1smallhamsterfoot · 22/02/2025 20:39

This reply has been deleted

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hoarahloux · 22/02/2025 20:48

Your evidence that a teacher is involved is a letter written by a 13 year old saying a teacher told her these things?

Teenagers lie. It may have been an excuse to talk to your son, or your son may have initiated - but you have no evidence that a teacher was involved at any point. Be more concerned about your child's behaviour.

BornSandyDevotional · 22/02/2025 20:51

This reply has been deleted

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That's a huge leap and really unpleasant. He's 17 and there's no suggestion he did anything other than get a note off a 13yr old.

Hankunamatata · 22/02/2025 20:52

Why would your son be in the same football team as the teacher?

PoopingAllTheWay2 · 22/02/2025 20:53

Why are so many people saying it’s the son who is lying???

Why not the 13 year old or even the teacher ?

Everyone has jumped on the 17 year old and saying really disgusting things, like they know the truth!

Wow!

Hankunamatata · 22/02/2025 20:56

I think your overreacting. If the teacher was watching a football game that he and your son was in. This could have been a totally casual comment of oh yeah that's me and that xx in yr 11

13 year old have crushes and write letters. As long as it's been clear that she leaves your son alone and visa versus. It's settled. Not sure why it needs more investigating

rainbowunicorn · 22/02/2025 20:59

PoopingAllTheWay2 · 22/02/2025 20:53

Why are so many people saying it’s the son who is lying???

Why not the 13 year old or even the teacher ?

Everyone has jumped on the 17 year old and saying really disgusting things, like they know the truth!

Wow!

Because this is mumsnet where tge actually facts can possibly ever get in the way of of being the man's fault. Some posters will literally turn anything round to blame the man. They seem to think teenage girls are all sweet, innocent angels and all boys are awful.

NewDogOwner · 22/02/2025 21:01

She could have shown pupils the video of a sports game and then, when asked, explained who the person was. Why would you assume shady behaviour?

marcopront · 22/02/2025 21:49

@Mumzy42

even though this girl states it was a video of my son playing football with this teacher as they did play in the same team for a while.
So clearly this did infact happen but as teacher has denied sc

Why is it clear this happened?

BlueSilverCats · 22/02/2025 22:00

How is a 17 yo playing on the same football team as a 40 yo?

rainbowunicorn · 22/02/2025 22:09

BlueSilverCats · 22/02/2025 22:00

How is a 17 yo playing on the same football team as a 40 yo?

Plenty of amateur teams are open age meaning 16 and 17 year olds play on the adult team.

Katemax82 · 22/02/2025 22:11

fitzwilliamdarcy · 22/02/2025 15:44

I struggle to imagine why an 18 year old would be interested in a girl that he knew was 13, but I don’t have children and it’s been decades since I was that age, so perhaps I’m naively ignorant.

Show quote history

When I was at school it was commonplace

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 22/02/2025 22:46

PoopingAllTheWay2 · 22/02/2025 20:53

Why are so many people saying it’s the son who is lying???

Why not the 13 year old or even the teacher ?

Everyone has jumped on the 17 year old and saying really disgusting things, like they know the truth!

Wow!

That's why I said it was either son or girl

But it's MN. If it has a Penis then it's a predator