I need some advice. We are a family of three—my husband, me, and our 7-year-old adopted son. After adopting our little boy, we moved from Kent to Leighton Buzzard so I could have an easier commute to London, since I work in banking.
I’ve always been a “London girl” until I met my husband, who has flatly refused to live in London. Even when I lived in Greenwich, he moved in for a short period but lied about being mugged to convince me London was unsafe. We moved to Chesham after that, and then on to Kent, which took me farther away from my family and made me feel more and more isolated. My commute from Kent was sometimes 2.5 hours one way, which was unmanageable.
I convinced my husband to move after we adopted, so I could have a shorter commute and spend more time with our son. We finally decided on Leighton Buzzard, a town I didn’t know at all but that’s close to where my husband grew up. We don’t have family near us, but we do live close to a train station.
I recently got promoted to a C-suite role, and my responsibilities and hours have increased dramatically. On the days I work in London, I leave the house at 7 a.m. and don’t get back until after 9 p.m. It’s exhausting, and as an older mom (I’m 50) to a young boy, I’m finding it all too much. I’m drained, and there’s ongoing talk at work about bringing people back into the office full-time. (Currently, I work three days a week in the office.)
My husband works from home and occasionally travels to meet clients. We juggle schedules, but with a 1 hour 15 minutes to 1 hour 45 minutes commute each way, I have very little bandwidth. Our son’s school run is also a 1-hour round trip. My husband is strengthening his bond with our son, and I feel I’m missing out.
I’ve asked if we could move closer to my work (my work will always be in Canary Wharf and the City), but he has flatly refused, saying it’s overpriced, dangerous, and no place to raise a child. I’ve suggested we split our budget between two properties—one in London near my work for midweek, and one near my husband’s preferred area for him and our son. However, he has already said that if we do that, our marriage will end. He also threatens that he would take our son.
I feel trapped and can’t find a solution. Please, does anyone have any ideas about what I should do? Am I being unreasonable?