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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure friend's stories are believable

9 replies

Laaaaaazzzzy · 22/02/2025 11:32

I don't mean for this to sound horrible but I have a friend who first off I very rarely see. This may be anxiety or something else on her part, she herself will suggest meeting up. I'm very flexible on dates, I don't work weekends or evenings and I don't have children.

However when it gets to the dates she will then make it very difficult, for instance she'll say oh well I've got X appointment at that time then I've got to do Y at that time. So then it'll just end up being a write off and will get postponed until another time, even though she's the one who suggested it, and now I haven't seen her in 2 years. She drives, lives fairly locally and doesn't have children either. Obviously I can't know for sure what's going on in her life but as I say it's been 2 years..

The second thing is that she tells me a lot of stories that seem almost unbelievable. Part of me feels horrible for thinking this as maybe she's just incredibly unlucky. However apparently many staff she's met are racist, several friends, hairdressers and personal trainers call her fat and ugly to her face.
Staff plot against her. Her partner is abusive (this one i believe and I have tried to support her to leave, but ultimately that is up to her)
She's apparently received very overt and regular racist abuse in the street. She's had absolutely horrendous experiences in several restaurants etc etc.

Sometimes I just think, how can one person be that unlucky? I've had an abusive relationship, a couple of 'friends' who were rude and so on and bullying. However I just don't believe in your 30s that the majority of people in your life are constantly abusive to your face, in and out of work.

Again I might be totally wrong but I just don't know if it's believable sometimes. I go along with it but not sure what else to do. It's a strange friendship.

OP posts:
PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 22/02/2025 11:39

Just because you don't witness the racist abuse, doesn't mean it hasn't happened.

I can't comment on the rest but people with low self-esteem and confidence can end up in a pattern of relationships, both romantic & platonic, in which they're mistreated. It doesn't stretch the imagination to see that if she's in a abusive relationship, she may also be surrounded by friends who aren't actually friends.

Laaaaaazzzzy · 22/02/2025 11:42

PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 22/02/2025 11:39

Just because you don't witness the racist abuse, doesn't mean it hasn't happened.

I can't comment on the rest but people with low self-esteem and confidence can end up in a pattern of relationships, both romantic & platonic, in which they're mistreated. It doesn't stretch the imagination to see that if she's in a abusive relationship, she may also be surrounded by friends who aren't actually friends.

That's true, I just don't believe that the majority of people are racist. She will state that she has been into a workplace and that 95% of staff are openly racist towards her.

OP posts:
NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 22/02/2025 11:44

If I were to write even half of the stuff that's happened to me in here it would seem very unbelievable, nothing is outwith the realms of possibility.

That said, your friend is either going through some horrendous things, or she's making it up in order to get some support.

You don't have to engage either way if it's bothering you.

Laaaaaazzzzy · 22/02/2025 11:45

If I am wrong for all of this I will completely apologise. It's just stuff like she's said she went to a restaurant and a staff member deliberately sneezed on her food in front of her. This was in a popular chain restaurant.
Or hairdressers have just casually abused her in the middle of the salon.
Again maybe it's 100% true, I just wondered sometimes.

OP posts:
BeardofHagrid · 22/02/2025 11:56

I have a friend whose stories I know I have to take with a bucket of salt. I don’t judge her for it, I just see it as part of her unique character.

There are probably grains of truth in what she tells you, but she exaggerates for the drama because she likes your reaction. You can either accept it, or decide to move on from the friendship.

Offcom · 22/02/2025 12:00

It sounds like she sees you more as an audience than a friend.

gamerchick · 22/02/2025 12:00

Next time she wants to meet up, tell her cool, when she has a date and time she's free to let you know. Don't use any more energy than that. Stay in touch though maybe.

sonjadog · 22/02/2025 12:02

I agree that it sounds unlikely that it she really is that unlucky, but she may well perceive situations this way. Just look on MN how many people complain about people giving them "looks" and people who find other people asking them things "rude". People interpret things differently and some people find offence in all sort sorts of things other people wouldn't even notice.

AnotherDayanotherNameChangeX · 22/02/2025 12:04

Maybe the abusive piece of shit she's with gives her so much hassle about seeing her friends she ends up making up excuses to cancel?

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