To feel worried he’s going to leave me for someone else

[Carswell]

I’m going through a really hard time in my life right now. Bereavement and made redundant. I also won a novel prize last year and have been offered a publishing deal.

Unfortunately, because I’ve been arranging a funeral and grieving I’ve had to get an extension on the edits. So the idea that could go down the pan is stressing me too.

Today my partner mentioned he had gone to a book launch. He said it was the launch of a woman ‘he’s known for a while now’ who is ‘very nice’. He’s an academic btw. He had lunch with her and another colleague. It upset me.

I know he loves me, but I feel worried he’s going to go off with someone brilliant and leave me for dust. It would be the final blow.

OP I don't think he would be telling you all about her if he was planning on having an affair. Lots of academics have male and female colleagues that is not unusual is it? I feel like you are struggling a bit at the moment with the bereavement and perhaps you a catastrophising because you feel in such a negative space. What evidence have you got that he might leave you? Have you sought some bereavement counselling for your loss? I think it might be of great help to you.

@DollydaydreamTheThird youre probably right. My confidence is at an all time low.

He was partly attracted to me because of my ambition so yes it does worry me.

I haven’t had grief counselling. Maybe I should look into it.

But you are brilliant. You just can't see it yourself at the moment sending unmumsnet hugs

the thing is he mentioned he might need to go to ‘something’ on Friday. Didn't say what and I remember thinking it was weird not to be specific. I’ve had men do this in the past when they’re meeting a woman and don’t want to be clear.

It makes me feel threatened. If life was going better for me, maybe I wouldn’t be upset. My confidence is so low.

Yes @Carswell I really would recommend it. You will end up talking about all sorts but you will feel so much better. Like @Hankunamatata has said, you are amazing. You are going to have something you have written published. Believe in yourself a little bit more and keep reminding yourself about why he is lucky to have you not vice versa.

@DollydaydreamTheThird the thing is having it published isn’t guaranteed unless I can sort the edits in time. I really hope I can sort myself out enough mentally to do that.

and I have no idea how long it will take to get a new job, meanwhile he’s surrounded by amazing women.I hate how ugly it makes me sound and feel.

I am so sorry for your loss and your redundancy. These are two significant changes and events you are processing and what you are feeling is completely normal. Talk to your publisher about how you are feeling, try working on the edits for 30 mins a day - this will build your confidence and you’ll begin to feel more capable and feel good about progress you are making. You’ll probably find after a week you will work more hours each day.

Talk to your partner about how you are feeling, that you are struggling and that you want to seek external support. Tell him that over the coming months you may be a little up and down, and that you’d like extra hugs, and extra whatever you want and need. This hopefully will help your partner understand how you’re feeling, better and alleviate the anxiety you have around infidelity. Good luck and hope all works out for you X

Authors need extensions in edits all the time, OP. It’s far more common than being on time. Don’t fret about it at all.

Sorry, going to report this as this is clearly fake. Nobel Prize winning people wouldn't post on a public forum such as this, and its very outing. Oh and they certainly wouldn't call it a "Novel Prize"

She didn’t mean a Nobel Prize! She meant she entered and won a novel competition, I imagine?

I don't remember seeing Nobel prize being mentioned?

It’s a noVel prize, not Nobel….

Sorry for your loss, OP - it sounds like you're going through a very tough time.
In response to you saying that initially he was quite vague about where he was going, could this perhaps have been a slightly clumsy way of protecting you, given he knew you weren't finished with your edits yet?
As others have mentioned, extensions are needed frequently - I work in publishing and it's not unusual at all. The fact that you've got a publishing deal is huge - so many are rejected, so feel proud of yourself. Things will improve and do seek bereavement counseling if you're struggling to deal with that. Good luck with it all - hopefully, lots of us will enjoy reading your book one day!

I'm really sorry you're going through a tough time OP and I can see how this may knock your confidence.

It's quite common for academics to attend a book launch and socialise with other academics. Networking is really important for future research and collaboration.