To love my DC dearly but not enjoy parenting

[Foodtimeisit]

I have two young DC, 3 years old DSand a 4 months old baby DD. I am on maternity leave, I love them both dearly but I am not enjoying the parenting
I very well know it goes quickly but my toddler is always playing up and not listening to anything we say, just does his own thing. We try to explain h.and make things fun but the exhaustion with looking after baby is getting to me.
Baby is ebf and gets up 2/3 time at night. I haven't had a full night's sleep for 4 months and I am tired.
DS goes to nursery mon-fri with his 30 free hours and I find it much more manageable but it's term time only and I really struggle on the days when it's holidays.
DH works full time but from home but he has meetings throughout the day. So, not much help but he helps in evenings. We don't have any family around to help. I really love both of my DC but I am not enjoying parenting right now and I feel guilty about it. I would have loved a third baby but I don't think I can cope which is such a shame.
Appreciated any thoughts or suggestions.

You’re in the peak of the hardest bit I think. Keep on plodding. It gets better. X

Don't know how everyone else seems to be coping fine.

I found that stage you are at now very very hard and exhausting. It was better from around ages 3 and 5 respectively so it was a longish hard patch but then they started to play together and it was delightful and I got some time back for things I wanted to do (decorating my house mostly). Hang on in there, get help as much as you can? I had a cleaner for a few years and that was money very well spent even though we never had a holiday

The phrase 'nothing is forever' is used in a sad way but its also a good thing

This phase will pass - you will get them both into the same routine, they will grow out of the toddler phase

Does dh help at all during the day?

Does he take over in the evenings with ds?

He has no commute so should be able to shoulder more of the responsibility xx

I don't want them to grow quickly but oh god, it's hard right now. DH tries hard to teach DS things like wearing his shoes, coats, using toilet independently. But, still he needs lots of supervision and he just doesn't listens to anything I say.

As another poster commented, you are in the trenches right now. It is the hardest part but my two (5 & 8) are so so much easier now. I hated maternity leave. I actually found it easier once I went back to work (& I teach 5/6 year olds) as it wasn't all so consuming and time marched on a lot quicker. Things are always worse when you're sleep deprived too. Once your little one sleeps better you'll feel better too.

Ha! They probably look at you and think the same thing. Everyone is struggling but it doesn't necessarily show.

I used a fabric sling a lot for DC2 and I tried to meet other mums most days just for a bit of solidarity. I remember being so tired I cried myself to sleep every night. Dh was helpful as much as he could be but was very stressed at work and was in a job he subsequently had to leave. My older one was often violent with the baby even when she was in the sling right under my nose and we moved house several times which made things harder for all of us. But we all survived! Once we were settled in our 'forever' house and they were a bit older things got considerably better.

From experience things do get easier when they approach 4. My son had really challenging behaviour for most of his 3rd year. We didn’t have another baby to look after so I admire you for that. As he approached 4 it’s like a little switch flicked on and he is much better.

I know you have said little one is ebf, are you against combination feeding where you could pump and use a bottle for some overnight feeds? That way your husband could help you out a bit so you could get some rest?