Agoraphobia and Wedding

[Aquabi]

If you had a sibling who is agoraphobic and struggling severely with their MH how would you feel if they were not able to pull themselves together to attend?

It isn’t something you can take a break from from because you might upset your siblings.

I would offer to make reasonable adjustments to make it easier for them to attend eg placement in the buildings etc but ultimately if they can't attend i would reassure them it is ok

I couldn't 'pull myself together' and attend an important family event. Thank god my family understood.

I'm fine now btw but that's probably got a lot to do with a supportive loving family.

I’d feel like doing everything I possibly could to have them feel included in the day somehow. I’d have someone livestream it for them, send them a nice meal and go and visit them if they were close by.

If someone has agoraphobia and is struggling severely, they are living with fear, disabling fear, and cannot pull themselves together for a wedding. The fear they feel at the prospect of going outside the house or into a shop, a bus, a train, a pub, a cafe, a party, a church or a wedding is not a thing you can see; it's not an actual real danger out in the world but no less terrifying to the person. It's a terror within, something that feels frightening and threatening, causing panic and intense fear as if they are breaking apart, that haunts and paralyses and may disturb their sleep with night terrors also.

I am a great believer in finding ways to help oneself and learn how to cope with or overcome mental problems, fears and obstacles and get help with such things but it isn't something you can do immediately like switching on a light. It takes time and prolonged effort, usually with professional support, along with learning and practising self help techniques to rebuild the shattered self step by step.

It's MH... as usual, people who've never had problems with it are very happy to wade in with their assertions that any condition can be overcome with a change of attitude.

Generally, these people are twats.

I was given that book 34 years ago and it remains one of the best mental health books I’ve ever read.
It is a bit outdated now but there was some great chapters I remember and use!
I had terrible agoraphobia and decades later it rears its head. It is horrendous and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

If they were 100% engaging with therapy, medication, doctors and everything else and still struggling, I would respect them.
If they were having no treatment or had given up on it, I would find them selfish.

I misread this as arachnophobia and wondered why they wouldn’t chose a spider free venue, but for agoraphobia you can’t just ‘pull yourself together’ - it’s an incredibly complex condition no one wants to have!

It is a lot harder to access all of these if you can't leave the house. Therapy is hard to find anyway and online therapy even more.
I would also leave the house to get a prescription so during the times I wasn't able to I just didn't have meds. Nor ever visited any doctor.

I'd understand. As others have said, you cannot pull yourself together to get over agoraphobia. A person needs therapy, possibly medication, time and a great deal of courage to overcome it. I'd chose other ways for them to be involved (if they want) eg could I have a hens tea at theirs, could I get ready at theirs, or swing by their house on the way to / from the wedding, could I set up a video link etc. I'd treat it exactly the same as if they had a physical health condition and couldn't attend.

No. Selfish isn’t having a Mental Health condition that you have very little control over (even with therapy and meds it is not a magic cure, the battle is huge), selfish is expecting a person suffering with agoraphobia to attend a wedding because “all eyes must be on me, me, me”.