Unintended consequences

[NewUser77]

Mainly posting to vent! I left my ex last year as he was a Dismissive Avoidant and incapable of commitment, communication or any effort. I spent 2 years of my life mostly ignoring the huge red flags and finally had enough of being disrespected.

Whilst we were together my mostly single friends socialised without inviting me (generally looking to hook up which I wasn’t interested in) and we’ve drifted apart.
So through my own choices (which I’m ok with) I’m now alone and rebuilding my life. My parents died years ago and I have no siblings. I’m getting involved in new interests to meet new people but I know that will take time.

The problem is that I have to go into hospital for an operation under general anaesthetic and should have someone to stay with me for 24 hours post op. And don’t have anyone. It’s not life threatening but necessary. One DD is at Uni too far away to come back and the other is under 18. My Ex-H (DD’s dad) would offer to help as we get on ok but his wife would never let him.

So I’ve been booked for a longer inpatient stay because I have no one at home. The Nurse booking me in couldn’t believe I didn’t have a single friend/colleague/relative to stay with me at home afterwards, and really laboured the point. This really upset me and now I feel dreadful. I WFH and don’t have colleagues nearby.

AIBU to feel like crap because I left an unhealthy relationship to build a better life but I’m temporarily alone? Surely this isn’t that uncommon? Or do others stay in bad relationships to avoid situations just like this?

It won't be that uncommon. If it makes you feel better I didn't know who to put as an emergency contact when I was in a&e. You're definitely better out of an unhappy relationship. I hope your op goes well.

Do you really have no one that if you asked wouldn’t say ‘oh course I’m happy to help’? Even if the ask is not somewhere your relationship has ventured before.

is your daughter really too far to come back for a few days? Surely you can get anywhere in the world in 24 hours if you need to?

I get that your other child is under 18 but are they far off? Are they responsible enough to make you a cup of tea and call 999 if you’re unresponsive?

the NHS is so overstretched that an extended and unnecessary inpatient stay is really costly to them so I can see they’re asking.

it’s ok sometimes to ask for help and mildly inconvenience people around us.

My eldest is at the other end of the country so no she couldn’t come back. My youngest is 14 and I did ask if I could get a taxi home afterwards and she could make sure I’m ok (had a general before without issues) but no, they’d only discharge me post surgery into the care of an adult.
I’ve tried to change the date to a few weeks later when my DD is back home for Easter but my Consultant won’t approve it as she’s asked for an urgent admission. I know the NHS is stretched!
There’s no way my former friends would offer to stay at my house with me for 24 hours post op. I tried to arrange a catch up at Christmas and no one was interested. That’s why I’m rebuilding my life.

Would Ex be able to be around for discharge then your dc take over? Otherwise an overnight stay is not the end of the world, especially if op is later in the day.

Thanks for the suggestion. Ive just asked him, although I knew what the answer would be. He can’t take the time off work to pick me up. But he will have DD overnight so she’s not on her own whilst I’m in hospital so that’s something.
Looks like I’m just going to have to cope with the embarrassment of having no support and get through this.