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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being ill and shouted at

15 replies

PeppyTealDuck · 21/02/2025 03:43

So I got sick at the beginning of half term. My partner was planning to do his work over the weekend and three days of half term while I was on leave (he is self-employed). After a night of me and our younger one taking turns vomiting, he was frowning at me and later he shouted at me for not communicating properly, as I just took myself to bed saying I’m really sick and didn’t discuss the situation with him. The thing is, in the past he’s often ridiculed me when I got sick. If I say that I’m ill he says oh you’re dying or I’ve heard already five times that you’re ill stop repeating yourself.

He was clearly upset that he has to look after the kids by himself. As a few days went by and I was still ill, he kept shouting at me for my apparent shortcomings. I felt really low. This is in a span of three days of me being in bed.

I look after him when he’s sick as much as I can, while working and looking after our children who are now 4 and 7. I understand it is frustrating when he had other plans to be disrupted like this, but I feel like I’ve had enough verbal abuse from him, this is not acceptable and no way to show our children how to treat each other.

The shouting became so escalated and ridiculous yesterday as I was leaving the house to drop off one of the children to a holiday camp, that when I came back, he said he decided he will no longer shout at me, it doesn’t change me anyway (what a surprise) and that he chose me the way I am and loves me.

To me, it sounds like he realized he took things too far and is backpedaling now.

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 21/02/2025 03:46

So you know it is not acceptable yet you are still with him? why?

Garlicworth · 21/02/2025 03:59

Unsure what your AIBU is but, for the avoidance of doubt, you would BU to continue a relationship with this empathy-free twunt. You and your kid deserve better. Start planning! And get well soon.

PeppyTealDuck · 21/02/2025 04:00

@BlondiePortz Well, the week isn’t even over yet and it is not easy to kick the father of your children out the door.

OP posts:
NewHeaven · 21/02/2025 04:01

I'd be sending him divorce papers and specifically state the reason for ending the marriage is his emotional & verbal abuse especially during marriage. Watch him back pedal from that especially as his vile behaviour has been reported to an outsider.

AmandaHoldensLips · 21/02/2025 04:10

He was angry and shouting because the domestic appliance (you) had stopped working.

What a selfish sack of shit.

Did he want children?
What did he think parenting would look like?
And who the fuck made him king of the house?

gettingthehangofsewing · 21/02/2025 04:14

"And the award for shitest apology ever goes to ....."

FriendsDrinkBook · 21/02/2025 04:51

The way somebody treats you when you're not useful to them shows you exactly how they view you.

He actively dislike you op. Think about that.

You need to make plans to leave.

NameChanges123 · 21/02/2025 05:21

Why are you putting up with this?

LovelyLeitrim · 21/02/2025 05:29

Make this annual leave the last you spend with him.

Shoxfordian · 21/02/2025 06:16

He doesn't care about you, only about himself and his plans. It's deeply selfish of him. Ltb ASAP

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 21/02/2025 07:33

He hates you for being ill because it means he has to do things himself.

Gliblet · 21/02/2025 07:40

"when I came back, he said he decided he will no longer shout at me, it doesn’t change me anyway (what a surprise) and that he chose me the way I am and loves me."

Given the other behaviours you've described I don't know that that sounds like a backpedal so much as a way of undermining your confidence - 'I'm so sure I'm right it doesn't even matter any more if you disagree, and aren't you a lucky girl that I'm gracious enough to put up with your nonsense'.

It's worth trying a conversation with him now that you're better - not shouting or complaining but very simply stating that you've noticed a pattern here. When he's ill he expects to be looked after and for you to look after the kids, house etc without making him feel worse than he already does. When you're ill you're told off for it and (use some examples of the things he's complained about) and it's making you unhappy. Very simple and matter of fact, no assumptions about his motives or feelings that he can pick an argument with - this is the behaviour you see from him, and this is how it makes you feel.

If he can't improve then is he someone you want to commit the rest of your life to, and hold up to your children as an example of how to behave?

Devilsmommy · 21/02/2025 07:45

What a complete cunt

TagSplashMaverick · 21/02/2025 08:22

What an abusive piece of shit he is. He loves trying to verbally assault you when you’re vulnerable and unwell, knowing you’ll take it. He’s irritated that you, his domestic appliance has malfunctioned.

Was he abusive at other times you’ve been vulnerable and he’s had to do more?

Cattreesea · 21/02/2025 08:28

He is a selfish and entitled waste of space.

Basically you are the dedicated maid and cook in the house and if you are not fulfilling these roles, he thinks he has the right to get angry.

This man has no respect or real love for you.

Plan your exit.

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