dd and teacher

[whothinksthat]

Our friend is a teacher at the secondary school dd is at. dd has always had a close relationship with this friend and her dc (who don't go to the same school) and we considered a different school because of this but had agreed that as friend/teacher wouldn't be teaching dd this year we would keep their relationship separate to school and friends job.

I don't think dd being 'friends' with a teacher is helping her make friends but I'm also concerned about the information that is being shared with dd. Friend/teacher has told dd things about other students and teachers and dd has also given information about other kids. Friend/teacher has always told us and dc about work but then we didn't know who they were talking about, now Dd actually knows the people.

I would like to think dd wouldn't share any information that shes been told about other students/teachers or to tell other students things about friend/teacher. I have told her she cant but don't want her to get accused or get in trouble if anything ever gets out. I am also worried that although I think teacher cares about dd that they wouldn't be that careful in keeping information they know about her private.

I have tried talking to friend as has DH and telling them that they shouldn't tell dd these things and should be more careful but they say they're confident that dd wouldn't do anything or get them into trouble. I did threaten that I would talk to the school if it continued but that was laughed off and it has continued.

DH has told me to leave it and that we should just trust dd to be sensible and not worry about what friend/teacher does. I don't want to get friend in trouble or to ruin my relationship with them or their relationship with DC but I feel this is going to end badly for Dd.

WIBU to go behind friends back and talk to the school? What will happen if I do that? will she just be spoken to?
or should I just worry about what dd is doing?

You have to put your daughter first.If it is making her uncomfortable, something needs to be done to change things, whatever that means for your friendship.
The fact she hasn't taken your concerns seriously doesn't make her sound like the best friend anyway to be honest.

One of my friends got a job at DCs school. They have declared it as a potential conflict of interest. Just because they are not timetabled to teach them doesn't mean they won't ever be in a position of authority. I also work at the school. We do not discuss other staff or students when any of the children are around, and I am surprised at any school staff who do this. It puts everyone in a difficult position.

I would suggest a quiet word to point out that it puts your DD in a very awkward position and so you think it best not to talk about school any more when she is around!

It is not making dd uncomfortable. She's perfectly happy and enjoys relationship with friend/teacher and would be probably be upset if I did anything to change that. I'm the one who is uncomfortable

Your friend is behaving in a really unprofessional way and my estimation of her would seriously be damaged. Sharing Information with yor DD that should be private and confidential is a big breach of trust.
I would be drawing back from the friendship and I would be telling the friend if she continues to breach confidentiality that you will need to talk to the school.

No disrespect to your daughter but teenage girls (and boys) just love to gossip. There's absolutely no way I could have kept quiet if I had juicy info about other teachers and pupils. Of course, not all kids are the same but I'd be amazed if she could keep every single bit of information to herself. It's too much to put on her shoulders.