Refusing to go to Birthday dinner?

[Lollylucyclark101]

So I met my husband nearly 10 years ago.

His family is large and have a lot of birthdays. In one month there is 4, 5 including mine.

His dads is the 10th, brothers 13th, and sisters 15th and other brother is the 21st.

guess where mine fits in? I’m the 14th.

Anyway, for 10 years. Ive always been made to feel that my birthday isn’t special and because I’m paying out a lot of money for gifts and meals in that month, I feel like I can’t celebrate my day properly any more, and neither can anyone else…. It’s like I’m an afterthought. They plan their birthdays and meals and then when I day “I’m doing this, do you want to come”, there’s always some excuse….. but they get the huff I I went out to celebrate my birthday and then not go out to theirs.

Yes, we can save extra cash for these occasions, but the cost of living is making this very expensive.

anyway. They are in the midst of planning the dad’s birthday, the brothers and the sisters….. and I don’t want to go to the brothers and sisters one. It’s the dad’s 80th, so will definitely will be celebrating 🎉 on the 11th.

am I going to be the AH though if I don’t go to the other Birthdays and go out with my husband and kids to celebrate mine? I feel like I’m putting my husband in a difficult position 🤦🏻‍♀️ he’s very family oriented and would happily go along to celebrate their birthdays….. but not say a word if they didn’t come to mine.

sorry if I’m articulating this wrong. It makes me sound very spoiled! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Why can't they have one big family event to celebrate all the birthdays at once?! Having three separate events for the same family group in the same week is mad. Anyway YANBU to celebrate YOUR birthday with YOUR husband. You're his priority when it comes to birthdays, not them.

One family event every year unless it’s a milestone birthday and then that person can have a separate celebration if they want.

Don’t they get fed up celebrating each other’s birthdays? My 2 dc are a week apart and that is enough of a nightmare. Let Dh go and celebrate with his family. You stay home and have a nice relaxing night in. Or if no young dc, go out with friends. You should never be dealing with any present buying or sorting. Dh and I have been married 17 years and I’ve never once bought a present for his family. It’s his job to sort gifts from us as a couple.

Can’t you celebrate your birthday with your family? Then he just attends theirs alone if he wants to.

YANBU to not want to go but you don’t need to put your DH in an awkward position, he could still go alone or with your DC (if he wants to).

Choose the date you want to celebrate now, get your DH to let them know he’s not free on this date but can make other dates.

Let me guess: September?

Has your husband never said, “What about my wife? Obviously I will be with her.”

He is the problem. Not his family.

This. So he’s very family oriented. Unless it’s his wife

Just all have one big one. Seems ridiculous to go out that many times.

We have months like this.
We just celebrate together

He’s family oriented but doesn’t put the family he chose and created first? Make it make sense.

go to the big birthday for FIL as you plan and do your own thing for yours. On for forward basis pick and chose if you want to attend any. You are entitled to a celebration of your own in a way that makes you happy.

He can alone and you do your own thing you dont need him for your own birthday celebration

Surely your husband should be prioritising you, his wife over his siblings and parents?! His immediate family is you and your children. Your birthday should be top of the pile for him, the rest come in second. You have a husband issue! He needs to prioritise you, and if that means a birthday is missed on his side of the family, then so be it. Why don't the siblings have a joint family meal and then a separate one for your FIL's 80th? Having several meals/parties in one week, to celebrate different relatives birthday's from the same family, is daft! My husband is the eldest of 4 children, but they don't insist on having a big family meal for their birthdays, they celebrate with their immediate families - husband, wives and children! My husband and his sister, have their birthday a day apart!

Unless it's a milestone birthday, like your fils is this year, there's no need for all the other celebrations to include everybody. It's a bit ott.

Yanbu.

But what if she wants him? Nobody 'needs' to celebrate anything but surely having your own husband be present for your birthday isn't a lot to ask!

Well he's not family orientated is he.

Go to the 80th, celebrate your birthday and tell your husband he should have your back.

Can't you all just have a big joint party

You all celebrate your birthdays with family EVERY YEAR? Are you all under 10 years old? Unless it is a big one, why on earth do you all celebrate every year each birthday separately?

Its up to the op, I would do something i wanted on my birthday and then do something with my husband on another day close to it, we just work things out between us

I don’t understand why you don’t feel you can’t celebrate your birthday properly, or that you’re an afterthought? Are you very involved with your DH’s family? Do you even want your ILs to attend your birthday celebration? Or are you literally saying you don’t have the money to have a birthday meal and be given presents if one or both of you attend his family birthdays?

What do you actually want to happen? What would your ideal birthday look like?

I can't get my head around everyone doing a family thing for every birthday every year. It's madness.