To think it’s normal to live paycheck to paycheck?

[Colacubegirl]

I work part time and have young DC. I just really struggle to save, as soon as I put £100 away I end up needing to spend it the next month.

I have so much pressure on myself to save some money for the future, I really want to, but really struggling with cost of living and this year is so busy. 4 weddings! Lots of milestone birthdays etc. Christmas has just been and gone.

Do you live month to month?

Are you actually living month to month or is it just DH tight on the purse strings? Because knowing you have someone there to help with money if need be is not actually living paycheck to paycheck.

Why oh why oh why on earth have you settled for this financial arrangement?
😱
Why do you have separate money when you are married with children?
That is NOT normal.

Why aren't the savings in joint names? Why are you not putting all household income from him and you into a joint current account?

Does he have a pension too? Does he pay into your pension so that you have equal pension savings?

Or is he one of those financially abusive men who think that it was your choice to have children, they are basically your expensive 'hobby', so you should take the financial hit of being a parent and not him?

If he won't change his ways, then you need to get back to full-time work ASAP, and make sure the childcare is treated as a joint expense, i.e. he pays half, and takes annual leave to do half of unexpected child sick-days etc.

Yes, it’s normal for most people in this country (assume UK?) to live pay cheque to pay cheque.
No, it’s not normal (I hope) for your husband to control most of the family’s money.

Everything @EuclidianGeometryFan said. Separate finances within marriage are rarely a good idea, especially if one spouse is working part-time and taking primary responsibility the children. The financial impact is life-long - lower salary, lack of career progression, inadequate pensions, etc.

Secondly, don't spend money on presents you cannot afford. Most people will understand.

I never understand this separate finances thing. Is your OH living paycheck to paycheck as well? Money should be pooled so you having enough every month to top up your pension or ISA. I presume you are part time to cover childcare etc.

You’re asking the wrong question. You should be asking whether it’s ok that a mother is existing paycheck-to-paycheck whilst her children’s father, with whom she lives, has coin in the bank.

You can probably guess the answer.

Your problem is the separate finances. How is it fair that he can save but you can’t because you are working PT to facilitate care of his child?

Stop paying for weddings, birthdays etc. Tell him you have no money spare. Or have a discussion about splitting finances differently.

I think it is normal for some of those on low incomes to be living paycheck to paycheck, it is also normal for some in the same group to have some savings. it depends on outgoings some have savings because they are more frugal than others, this is an individual choice, some will come to arrangements with friends family to not buy presents or instead met for coffee and cake, to others exchanging gifts is more important, but sometimes poorer people do feel guilty if they don't buy gifts or go on the expensive night out. Peer pressure does sometimes make adults feel awkward if they don't join in, sometimes the banter from not joining in say the work bacon butty run can be hard
Some people can say it was nice of you to ask me to join you for drinks but it's not in my budget this month others just couldn't say this even if true they would rather go into debt than admit it is actually unaffordable for them , I'm not blaming them for this totally as societal pressure can be very hard but the more people were prepapred to say it's not in my budget to do that but maybe we could do this instead the easier itwould be

Wow. This is so ott I had to read it twice. Considering you habe no idea how much he earns, how much extra he has, why they have rhis agreement, if she’s a spend thrift, how much each contributes, evenif the kids are his, and you’ve jumped so hard and so fast.

😂😂😂😂😳😂😂😂

It does sounds like a drip feed sorry.
You go from a being a parent working part-time unable to save.

To a woman that is married and who's husband has savings but for some bizarre reason they are his savings not the couple's savings.
And then you are struggling to even save £100 🤷‍♀️

No, but I don’t have kids.

Why do you have separate finances if you’re married?

Okay, I did assume the children were his.
Perhaps @Colacubegirl could clarify?

As for the rest, it doesn't matter how much he earns, how much extra he has, whether he considers OP a spendthrift, or how much each contributes - the fact is that currently he is building savings in his own name and OP isn't, mainly due to her working part-time due to childcare.

Unless OP has a gambling problem or drug habit or similar, the savings should be joint, and they should both have equal 'non-essential' spending money.

Women should not suffer financial disadvantage due to childcare whilst their husbands continue to save and build pensions in his name only.

Huh? Of course if matters. He might have not a penny spare. And pay for most of the costs.

check your privilege.

OP actually said "I have a DH who has savings".
So no, it is not the case that he might not have a penny to spare.

Besides which, if he earns most of the money, of course he should pay for most of the costs. Because OP is unable to work as much, due to childcare.

Having savings doesn’t mean he has money to spare to give to the op so she can buy stuff for weddings and birthdays,

Ah the drip feed.

the “not normal” bit is the totally separate savings of your DH. Either you’re a life partnership or you aren’t. Sounds like you aren’t. If you are living “paycheck to pay check” it’s because of this arrangement.

You sound like you have an unusual set up and your OP didnt mention a partner.

Of course if you work part time you will not have huge amounts of spare income but if I could say - you have made this thread a drip feed I suspect on purpose for some reason and then revealed there is someone else in the house but you didnt want to mention them...

If my husband had savings and I was living paycheck to paycheck, he'd be my ex-husband.
Id rather be single and skint instead of supporting a man who has no intention of sharing with me, his wife.

I don’t live month to month but I have in the past. I was a single parent though.

No, it’s not good practice to live paycheck to paycheck.
You either need to cut expenses or increase income.
Best advice I can give is pay your future self first. When you are paid, auto transfer a set amount into savings you cannot easily access and then live off the rest. There are all kinds of tax efficient savings in the U.K.- different ISAs, set one of those up.

I'm rubbish with money and I've been told about this before but I've always just dismissed it. Do you really think it works? Well obviously you do 🤦🏼‍♀️

Oh I've just looked at it - you have to pay

You get a free trial for a couple of months - but I've saved many times the annual cost.
There are other tools that do similar, this is the one that works for me.

I think you need to budget if you want to prioritise savings. If that means less Christmas / birthday presents or turning down weddings then that’s what you need to do.

I am rubbish at following my own advice so I have a couple of thousand to use for emergency repairs car , roof, boiler. Sounds like your DH would cover that and the rest just vanishes.