Is there better than this?

[Perimenobaby123]

I know there’s lots of these threads, and sorry for the title, but I feel stuck and would love some Mumsnet perspective. I am early 50’s, worked in my industry for 28 years or so. Came from poverty, got through university and managed a good degree. Worked my way up and now have a senior job that pays extremely well into six ++ figures. I am constantly soul searching and ultimately feel unfulfilled and miserable, but recognise my privilege and that others would love to be in my position. I don’t know if it’s menopause or just my values have changed. I always wanted to get out of poverty and live securely, that was my goal. Work is not hard, but it is high pressure. I find myself surrounded by corporate idiots, mostly men, stepping over each other and back stabbing - worse than that I find my work pointless and meaningless. I urge myself to resign most Sundays. But ultimately need to work until I’m 55 ( which I also realise is a privilege). If I leave I will need to get another job that pays well for a few years. DH is sort of supportive, but thinks I’m crazy to give up the salary which could secure our future and to stick it out for the next few years. But life is short and it feels impossible. Have two DCs 14 and 17. AIBU? Yes, stick it out and be grateful, grass is not greener. No, life is too short. Do what you love

You don’t say how old you are exactly but if you’re early 50s and need to work until 55 - that can’t be far away? If it’s only two or three years, I’d throw in the towel and do something else for a couple of years. You could think about putting some money into a property to give you some income for example or even just get a stress free job that pays you less.. I would think on a six figure salary you could afford to cut back and I’d drop the stress tbh if you can find a way to make it affordable. If you’ve earnt well for a long period of time I’d think you can afford it. Speak to a financial advisor? Lots of luck x

Early 50s, senior/similar pay and technology which means yes also surrounded by mainly male assholes.

I often sit there thinking I am too old for this shit (other people's stupid behaviour) but then I think it's fine, I can get DD15 through sixth and university then execute on my plan B.

It really comes down to whether this is impacting you mentally to want to give up but therefore what is the financial impact on the DC and a comfortable retirement.

If you have stock, what will you have to walk away from if they aren't vested etc

Make a budget to work out when you will retire and start marking off the days

Once you have decided to go sone of the crap feels less relevant

Thanks for your thoughtful response @babyproblems

@jeaux90 I could have written that response! Im
so over all the BS, but want to get kids through uni like you say - secure mine and their future. Yes, walking away from lots of unvested stock but if I stayed until October, I would benefit there. Even that feels insurmountable at the moment. Mostly because I have a man child boss and I am just so tired of it all. I just want a break! But at the same time know how lucky I am to be in this position.

I think you need first to identify what you are missing in your life and how you can make it fulfilling. Tackle it like a project and take a deep dive into possible solutions.

Ive recently had to evaluate my life. I’ve looked at my core values which has led me to lots of ideas. I realise I need connections, novelty (not getting into a rut), and meaning.

I have decided materials things are less important to me, and no longer yearn for the new sofa etc. Pets and holidays are more important. Finding joy in the small things etc.

Only you know how important financial security is to you, but it sounds as if it’s the job you hate. Perhaps if you have a plan or life goal it will be easier to suck up the job for a while longer, or you may realise money isn’t everything.

Either way my new mantra is Stay Busy, Be Useful. I think those 4 words pretty much cover it.

@Perimenobaby123 well you know the mantra, never run from something. You often regret it.

I've deployed a no shit approach at work for the last 5 years, I drive great results and let's face it getting rid of women is bad optics in the industries where we are less that 25%.

Manchild boss....tell me more!

Are you also in tech/IT OP?

I think life is too short. People are too focussed on money nowadays but this doesn’t make us happy. Would you feel better if you had an exit plan? Get the kids through uni then make some changes. Are you feeling generally dissatisfied or just with your job? I’m late 40s and have occasional feelings that I should be doing more with my life but then I remember someone who had a career they loved, had travelled the world and had a great family saying they feel like they needed to do more; it is never enough. So I reframe my mindset. I love my job though so that makes a huge difference. We spend a lot of lives working, you shouldn’t ignore these feelings just for the sake of a good salary.

@Imgoingtobefree I have definitely indulged in the material things, but like you, realise that these do not bring fulfilment. The money brings greater choices and certain freedoms that I am grateful for, but I am seeking deeper meaning. I do wonder if it’s an age/menopause thing. Time is more valuable than money perhaps?

@jeaux90 yes you’ve nailed it. Now I’m 28 years in this space ( albeit in 5 different companies) I find it soul zapping. I am known for my “straight talking” but believe this has earned me a reputation for being “difficult”. You know how it is for women of our age in male dominated businesses. We tell inconvenient truths 😉 My boss sees me as a threat, steals my work, takes credit for my stuff and I never feel valued by him. Massively part of the problem!!

Thanks @Jurassicparkinajug wise words. In my pursuit of a financially secure life I have created a life I am scared to move away from. I realised recently that I have been motivated by fear of poverty, really unhealthy but I guess it makes sense based on my upbringing

@Perimenobaby123 do you have an opportunity to move away from manchild boss? Or do you think he will sink himself eventually?

Is it him that's got you thinking this way or are there other factors?

Honestly if I ended up with a boss like this I'd tell him the truth but IDGAF anymore alternative you can have a chat with HR they may decide he needs some "coaching"

My boss sees me as a threat, steals my work, takes credit for my stuff and I never feel valued by him.

Okay, so just decide you don't care. His opinion of you is not important. Why is it an issue if he steals your work? You know the truth. And surely you don't need him to show he values you?
Basically, detach emotionally from him and your work.
You are only there for the money and pension. Nothing else matters.

As said upthread, work out exactly when you will leave this job, and start mentally counting down. In the last year, start counting down on a calendar.

Meanwhile, to stop you going crazy with impatience, think ahead to what you will do in your "retirement". How will you spend your time?

Will you get a part-time job doing something completely different?
Will you volunteer with a charity?
Will you do a course of study, just for fun?
Will you take up a new hobby or join a new group?
Will you move home?
Will you search for more spirituality in your life?

Can you start doing any of this now, whilst still working?

Thanks @EuclidianGeometryFan excellent advice.

@jeaux90 I think it’s a mix of a crap boss and existential crisis 😂 a good boss is 80% of the job imo. I’ve had some awesome bosses in harder roles than my current one. i have had very direct conversations with him and it’s not made things better. I think disengagement and taking the emotion out of it all, whilst developing a plan for once I retire is a good shout.

If your in your 50s and only need to work until 55 I'd stick it out

What does DH do? My partner and I have decided he gives up work to do capital projects whilst I run "opex" so he's creating the situation for me to retire as soon as DD is out of HE.

And yes stop caring about man baby boss, if you are delivering results whilst being suitably belligerent it can work