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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague

14 replies

Backupnorth · 19/02/2025 22:31

colleague and me grew close
he’s gone through a split ,and his DS is ill.
i started supporting him helping him out etc and going to his place - nothing happened.
out of nowhere he’s sent me a long winded voice mail saying he wants to be friends.Ive never suggested more.literally just suggested a movie night he went silent for days and days and then I got that.
AIBU to think he’s been weird?

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 19/02/2025 22:33

Just reply with "well of course, we're just friends, please don't read anything else into it!"

Original poster
Backupnorth · 19/02/2025 22:33

healthybychristmas · 19/02/2025 22:33

Just reply with "well of course, we're just friends, please don't read anything else into it!"

I did practically that
it’s been met with silence

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 19/02/2025 22:33

Well if he thought you wanted more, even if you dont, he made he clear he doesnt so not sure what is weird about it, I would assume it is good to know ehre you both stand

healthybychristmas · 19/02/2025 22:40

He's probably sulking now you said that! Just leave him alone for a while. If he is a good friend then he'll come back and if he isn't he won't, so no loss there.

KrisAkabusi · 19/02/2025 23:02

healthybychristmas · 19/02/2025 22:40

He's probably sulking now you said that! Just leave him alone for a while. If he is a good friend then he'll come back and if he isn't he won't, so no loss there.

No, sorry I'm confused by your posts and by some of the answers. You suggested a movie night, but he later replied with a voicemail saying just be friends? If that's what's happened and thats what you want, I can't see what he's done wrong.

KrisAkabusi · 19/02/2025 23:03

Quoted wrong person and can't fix it. That was aimed at the OP.

ItGhoul · 19/02/2025 23:05

I don’t think it’s weird for him to clarify where he stands, really. He wants to be friends. So do you. What’s the problem?

staceyflack · 19/02/2025 23:11

The fact you feel the need to tell us "nothing happened", makes me think there was potential for something to 'happen', which makes me think you guys may have been flirting, which makes me think you're either naive or not being honest. Either way, if you're not into him, surely it doesn't matter? And if it does, why?

Heelworkhero · 19/02/2025 23:15

I get it. He thinks he was letting you down gently. You feel awkward he thought you might want more. Maybe he now feels rejected or awkward that you maybe now think he was considering more at one point….
Let it settle and send a friendly message I’m a few days.
He might mean ‘I was considering something with you, but now don’t want to, so don’t want to see you any more, but saying we’re friends makes it all amicable/tidier’.

BlondiePortz · 19/02/2025 23:18

healthybychristmas · 19/02/2025 22:40

He's probably sulking now you said that! Just leave him alone for a while. If he is a good friend then he'll come back and if he isn't he won't, so no loss there.

Or he could just be busy, why do people come up with some way of having a go at someone they have never met? "sulking"?

Original poster
Backupnorth · 20/02/2025 06:34

Heelworkhero · 19/02/2025 23:15

I get it. He thinks he was letting you down gently. You feel awkward he thought you might want more. Maybe he now feels rejected or awkward that you maybe now think he was considering more at one point….
Let it settle and send a friendly message I’m a few days.
He might mean ‘I was considering something with you, but now don’t want to, so don’t want to see you any more, but saying we’re friends makes it all amicable/tidier’.

Edited

Exactly this
I feel awkward,we get on really well and can chat effortlessly for ages ,I don’t know what to do now.

OP posts:
rwalker · 20/02/2025 06:42

It’s all gone a bit awkward but it’s great that it’s been said out loud

I’d just carry on as nothing has happened people have probably been winding him up
as the majority of people think men and women can’t simply be just friends

Original poster
Backupnorth · 20/02/2025 06:44

rwalker · 20/02/2025 06:42

It’s all gone a bit awkward but it’s great that it’s been said out loud

I’d just carry on as nothing has happened people have probably been winding him up
as the majority of people think men and women can’t simply be just friends

Do you think I should maybe not be as friendly as in benter and joking
I feel embarrassed he clearly thought I wanted to jump on him.
i never have even attempted anything
he always hugs me but I never even initiate that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Backupnorth · 20/02/2025 06:45

Banter even!

OP posts:
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