Friends child possibly stealing toys from mine?

[CrazyCatLady1993]

A friend came over with her child for a play date a couple of months ago. I have 2x 6 year olds and she has a 6 year old & a 3 year old. We love spending time with them, we are close friends.

When she left she offered to help tidy the mess but I have particular places where everything goes so I said not to worry and I’ll just do it, I don’t mind and mess is to be expected. She insisted she help so she did but everything was just thrown in randomly.

a day later when I got around to actually putting everything back to where it all belongs I noticed a lot of my sons tonie box figures were gone. So I just assumed they would turn up eventually and maybe they are in a strange place or maybe my friend put them somewhere I can’t find when helping me tidy. I still have never found them.

Today, they came over again. Her little boy (3) is obsessed with spider man, he came dressed as spider man with spider man trainers on - so cute! They left to go home and tonight when putting my son to bed he asked to put his Spider-Man tonie on, and it wasn’t there. I searched high and low and I can’t find it. My son is adamant it’s there and even said “I saw it earlier when friend was here because he was playing with it”.

I know he’s only 3, and I’m not insinuating he’s taken anything with malice but this has happened on two occasions now when they’ve been here and tonie figures have gone missing. He is a cute little boy but can be a handful. I don’t want to ask my friend because I don’t want to upset her but also I don’t have solid proof. I know if he has taken anything he wouldn’t have done it in a nasty way, I just know what kids can be like.

What would you do?!

I'd just send a quick text - something like "Hope you're okay XXX, finally got the kids to bed! Just tidied up and can't find a tonie figure - little XX hasn't grabbed it by mistake has he? Trying to cover all avenues before buying another one 😂" surely she will have noticed a load of new tonie figures turning up!

I'd just ask.

Hi friend,

I just wondered if you've found any Tonie box figures. We are missing a few. Hopefully they will turn up but thought I'd ask in case accidently went home with one of the kids.

It's very normal for kids to pinch things at that age. They don't have impulse control or an understanding of stealing. My daughter pinched a few things from nursery around 3 ish.

I would just message your friend and ask if her boy had taken it home by accident, if he has chances are she wouldn’t have even noticed! Hopefully it turns up 😊

Just ask. We had the same ( and was with tonies too)- my friend’s child took some of ours and friend didn’t realize.

Well I would ask her if he's taken it home by mistake cos you can't find it

Why on earth wouldn't you

My DGD school friend did this. Her older cousin opened her bag and said Oh look! It wasn't as harsh as coming from a parent but it hit the message across.
My son (now 39) had a friend who stole £40 cash from me 32 years ago. Now that was a difficult phone call to his Mum!

Just text her.

Hey X, can you do a quick check for any Tonie box figures in case they've accidentally gone home with you?

Think it’s a bit obvious why I am not asking love 😅 I’ve said in the post 👍🏻

Thank you! I’ve been so worried about upsetting her when she’ll probs be fine 😂😂

I’m going to do another sweep tomorrow and then ask. Thank you

Thanks everyone for your nice messages 🙂 I am that friend where I worry about offending my friends and them falling out with me. 🤦🏼‍♀️
Now I know other people think it would be reasonable to ask I feel better now 😅

But why would it upset her? It's a question. It's not like you'd be accusing him of stealing at his age really

‘Hi X, could you ask your children if they know where the Tonies have gone? I can’t find them anywhere and dc aren’t sure either. I remember them playing with them so thought they might have been left somewhere inconspicuous 😂’

Those things are expensive aren’t they? I’d be asking if she could have a sweep of the house because you’re missing more than one from your posts. Screw offending people.

What? Just ask her. It won't upset her. Stick up for your DCs if they are losing stuff.

Ime putting away dc's favourite stuff is more than fine....

I would meet out of the house now, whether or not the toy is found.

I'd just ask if they'd gone home with them by accident.

Do you know if she has a tonie box? We don't, and I've only seen the figures in pictures but I can imagine I'd just think they were some plastic tat that came with a happy meal / off a magazine / from grandma's charity shop haul or something if I found one here unless they've got a label on? She might have seen them, not realised what they are and thought they were just the plastic stuff that seems to just appear from nowhere when you have DC!

Edit:

Or ask if her DC know where they are, if they played make believe / small world / whatever you call it with them and put them somewhere unusual

We had similar. I was pretty sure little friend had taken it but didn’t want to give them the opportunity to say no they hadn’t taken it (had a feeling it was deliberate) and didn’t want to sound like I was accusing

I messaged friend along the lines of
”Hi, can’t find tiny mouse’s Elsa figure. Probably somewhere in the mess of the toy box but I know X was playing with it earlier. Can she remember where she put it to save me having to tip the toy box upside down?!”

Message came back
”OMG so sorry. She had it in her pocket and accidentally brought it home. Will drop in tomorrow”

Toy returned, no drama and friendship intact!!

Sorry, it's not obvious to me.