Work relationships

[NMc16]

I started a new job recently and due to negative experiences in my personal life with friends and previous work colleagues I have a very big guard up. I was a people pleaser and bent over backwards for people and people just took advantage of that. I left my previous for many reasons but one was job due to toxicity and bitchiness and people trying to one up over you or use things against you. While I didn’t get involved it did affect me mentally. I have new colleagues on social media but have restricted a few from seeing my posts. Though I don’t really post much. They seem like nice people and not any bitchiness or anything like that and maybe I’m being too precious. I don’t want to be overly friendly but they have probably noticed I have restricted them in some way. I don’t share a lot about my personal life and I feel like maybe I have my guard up too much?

I think you're being normal and IMO, being fine. I am the same. I'd never add someone on social who I'm currently working with although I have previous colleagues now I'm no longer there, as a way to keep in touch. You can have a personal life guard up but still be a laugh, nice and pleasant to work with. My colleagues go into detail about what they do at weekend and I don't. I have generic phrases and that's it. I find if you say something to someone, they'll probably tell others in a passing comment which then gets bought up by someone else. This has happened to me and I hated it.

I don't have any of my colleagues on social media, and I've worked with them for years. Work and home are 2 separate things for me.

This is me at the moment. A couple of colleagues have added me on Facebook and I’ve not accepted. I don’t use it much in all honesty. After a very toxic experience with my previous job, I just don’t want any drama spilling over into my personal places again. I too may have my guard up too high but time will tell.

they have probably noticed I have restricted them in some way

I can 100% guarantee that they haven’t noticed. This whole thing is a big deal for you, but not for them. They honestly won’t have given this a moment’s thought and don’t give a shit what your social media settings are. You’re massively, massively overthinking this.

To me it’s not a blanket policy for all colleagues. There is a general feeling on MN that work and home are separate and you should never be friends with colleagues

But I don’t see the difference with making friends at work to making friends with your neighbours.

There are people I work with that I am professional with but that’s it and then there are people where I have been to their weddings, stayed at their home and been on holiday with because they are real friends

You can get toxic people who want to cause trouble anywhere (just look at the school gate/PTA type threads) so I would say don’t shut yourself off to everyone and take each colleague as an individual person the same way you would do with any other group of people where you are likely to meet friends

Personally, I've never been opposed to making friends at work, and some of my best friends have been made there.

But I've never added colleagues to SM until after they become friends outside of work.

This